Regret

[pinkbunies 359]

I started thinking tonight about a lot of things and I was wondering if it was regret. I started feeling bad because I can't eat two large pizzas anymore in one sitting. I can't fit into my size 38 pants any longer. I can't wear a 2 Xl t shirt any longer.

I can't eat a whole double cheese burger. I can't drink soda. I don't know if I can drink alcohol as I've been afraid to try.

I then realized that all the things that I think I gave up I really needed to give up but I couldn't do it without the help of surgery.

I wanted to change what my future looked like. If we go off of our family history, I was at major risk for Diabetes, high blood pressure, cancers, dementia, seizures etc. I watched my father die of brain cancer, diabetes, dementia etc. My older brother is having seizures and he is huge. I want to tell him I'll pay for his surgery if he'll do it but haven't approached it yet. I am sure his response will be that he is healthy etc and he doesn't need to lose any weight. He's shorter than me (I'm 6 7') and he weighs 380#.

My father was bi-polar and unfortunately I followed that path. He would never see a doctor or get help. I sucked it up and wasn't afraid to see a doctor or take medication for it. After Surgery, I've noticed I'm not depressed and I don't have mood swings any longer. I take no anti-depressants or bi-polar meds any longer.

So I realized that once I looked at the over all picture, I think I made the right decision and I think it was for the best. I'm only 7 weeks post op now, and of course things can change. I might have mood swings again, but hopefully they stay away. Research that I've found suggest that a lot of bi-polar symptoms are related to the food we eat and all the chemicals in the food.

I didn't do this to simply look good. I did it for the health reasons. I can admit, I wanted to be thinner again, but it wasn't the only reason why for the surgery. I didn't want to have ED at the age of 32. I didn't want to be embarrassed every summer when we go on a family vacation and I'm afraid to take my shirt off due to my size. I'm looking forward to Cancun again in 2015.

I would do it all again if I had to.

No regrets. If your feeling regret, look at the whole picture. Think about why you did it. Think about what you are gaining in terms of good health. Think about your spouse/bf/gf/better half etc.

I also found out that the acid pill I needed was available over the counter. I feel so stupid for not finding this out sooner. Amazing what one little pill can do.

[Dreamingofhealth 223]

I enjoyed reading this! Thank you for sharing your story!

Cheers to many happy and healthy years ahead!

Sheena :-)

Edited December 4, 2014 by Dreamingofhealth

[Mike4132 256]

Very inspiring, thank you!

[Jill7768 46]

I have been feeling regret, too! I am starting to realize that I didn't just like food ( like I thought), I am addicted to food. I can now eat 2-3 bites and then I feel upset because I can't eat more! It is such a change!! I know that it will get better as I adapt. I am really trying to focus on the difference between true hunger and head hunger.

[veronicalynnnnnnn 35]

I work at pizza hut...it's hard to go to work and watch everyone eating one of your fav foods and having to go eat ANOTHER fish or chicken breast.. but I'm starting to see the difference and even though everything is making me sick right now I know it's worth it.

[ejd1024 72]

Real talk that was a great read...pretty motivational

[WL WARRIOR 690]

I am happy for you. I'm just really curious if your psychiatrist gave permission for you to quit your mood stabilizing and antidepressant medication. It may be just a little different for you. I have to disagree about food consumption causing or correlating with bipolar illness. It has more to do with a dysfunction in brain chemistry and is best managed with therapy and medication. I've witnessed people with bipolar and schizophrenia quit their medicine because they felt like they were on top of the world after finding a new partner or losing a lot of weight. It was only a matter of time before they became delusional or manically depressed. I wish the best for you.

[Essence46 493]

Luv it! Thanks for sharing!

[pinkbunies 359]

Thanks for the question about the head Doctor. The answer to your question is yes.

A few other things I'll throw out there. Has anyone ever read about the big corporate companies that do millions of dollars in research in terms of how certain chips will break apart, how they taste, how they make you want more? Not just relating to chips, but giving you an example here. I agree that food is addictive. It's the same with Tobacco. We know that smoking is bad for us yet some just keep on smoking. We know that eating 2 pizzas in one sitting is bad, but when we try to stop it drives our bodies insane. Case in point is, we don't really need a million chemicals in our food we can't pronounce but they are there to make you want more. MSG is a great example. IT basically causes your taste buds to orgasm.

I went to Ireland this year and I was amazed that they don't offer soda fountains where you can get all the soda you want. A large drink at McDonalds was 16 ounces. Why do we have 32 ounce drinks in the US? All of the meat was all natural in Ireland and here its full of crap. I'd be interested in seeing Irelands numbers on cancer and obesity and then compare them to the numbers in the US. No idea how to obtain such a thing.

In regards to my statement about the link between foods and bi-polar disorder, I merely stated that research I've found. There is no definitive link but I think its worth noting. We can't believe that all of the chemicals in our food is okay for us. I think America's obesity problem comes down to greedy corporations who know that the bigger you get is the more you'll eat.

[pinkbunies 359]

Oh I thought I'd throw out there, my shrink is getting sleeved in January and its all my fault.

[Zane's Mom 184]

Please be careful about your medications. While my psychiatrist was all for my sleeve, she was adamant that I maintain my dosages without fail.

She said that there is so much change going on that not taking my medications could cause a huge issue. She sees me every three months and monitors my bloodwork closely.

I've worked with her for three years after the murder on my son, and I may have to see her for the rest of my life. I've accepted that and I am very proactive for my mental well being.

If you do start experiencing swings, please seek help sooner than later.

[pinkbunies 359]

I still see my shrink each month. Trust me, if the mood swings return I have to get back on medication as it'll affect my income. Can't have that affected.

[emsgirl114 88]

You rock

[pinkbunies 359]

Thanks but I disagree. We all rock!

[SciFiGuy 18]

I really appreciated this post. I have cousins who own a major restaurant here in NYC, and it's always been a big part of our family life. My final full-sized meal was there, and the thought that I'll never have a whole pastrami sandwich or a bagel with lox was one of the hardest things to wrap my head around when I decided I wanted to go down this path. It helps to see someone else dealing with the question of real enjoyment or pride in eating big amounts, and still deciding it's all worth it.