Preparing for the criticism

[WL WARRIOR 692]

I am trying to prepare myself for the backlash before the holidays arrive. I've tried to keep my surgery a secret, but I think word has gotten around. I have a few relatives that I know are against weight loss surgery. They think it is a cop out or just an easy way out of doing the hard work it takes to lose a lot of weight. I want to know beforehand what would be a good thing to say when they start asking questions. I need something short and witty to say because I don't feel like talking in length about it. It would be nice if I could educate them or eventually convince them that I made the right choice for me.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Oh, boy.

I've written before, and I'll say again, that I think overweight / obese people have an unusual need for approval from others for their personal decision to have WLS.

Tell 'em it's your decision and that your decision has already been made and you welcome and would appreciate their support. Then say that if they don't support you (and if they won't go to the trouble of educating themselves about what this surgery is actually about) then you don't want to hear their opinions. And be clear that you mean what you say.

And if that doesn't work, just explain that you will see them later when your weight loss journey is over. Adios.

You won't want and you don't need negative influences as you proceed on this journey.

Edited November 8, 2014 by VSGAnn2014

[Healthy_life2 8,330]

@@WL WARRIOR

I agree with @@VSGAnn2014

I have chosen not to tell the unsupportive family members in my life. I have now come to realize I don't need anyone approval.

They talked about me before the surgery and that is not going to change. Funny how you can make positive changes in your life and they cannot be happy for you. My haters are really speaking volumes about how unhappy they are.

Be selfish! do for you in life.

[Elode 8,093]

@@WL WARRIOR You just say " it's none of your business" that should shut them up!

[WL WARRIOR 692]

I had surgery a month ago without support from any relatives or family because I didn't tell anyone except my mother. My mother didn't agree with my decision, but I had to tell her because I needed a ride to and from the hospital. The lack of support wasn't terribly bothersome. During a holiday like Thanksgiving, I just find it important to be prepared so that I don't let other people's negativity ruin my day. I'm not going to leave just because of their negativity because I'm just going to have to deal with it up front at one time or another. I've come to realize that the best thing to do is to ignore it. It's a small house that about 30 of my relatives gather into for the Thanksgiving holiday, but I can always go outside and play football with the kids.

I don't talk to others about weight loss (except on this forum or at follow up appointments) because I am not seeking approval for what I've already done or my success so far. I was just hoping to get an idea for a smirky remark that I could make that would cease or lesson the discussion about my weight loss/surgery among my relatives over the holidays. When you are stuck being around others who are non supportive, it is hard to not be affected. Losing weight after surgery boosts your self esteem, which is such a turn around compared to all those years you feel like a failure from not being able to keep off the weight. When others disapprove of your surgery, it makes you think (for a second) whether you are making or have made another failure inducing decision. I wish I could be super confident and carefree, but I'm not there yet. I'm only a month out and still learning about this new way of life and the emotions that go along with it. I've made other life changing decisions without approval from family and relatives (going away to college, having a baby, accepting a job far away from home); this is just another one.

[thesuse2000 698]

I haven't ever had to deal with this, but I've thought that if anyone tells me their reasons why they think WLS is bad I'll just say (whether they're overweight or not) something along the lines of "Well it sounds like you definitely shouldn't have this surgery then. I have no doubt that it was the right decision for me." If they continue after that I would have no qualms about walking away from them.

Not sure if this applies to you, but I could also go on to say (if escape was not an option) that I've suffered with obesity since childhood (I'm 46 and have been overweight since I was 8 or 9) and tried every diet in the world. I've lost large amounts of weight several times, only to gain it back. No one can tell that I didn't try other options.

[time for june 195]

Same boat here! But it's not about "them" it about YOU. Trust me the people that you want and thought could be the leader of your support system turns out not to be...it hurts and you know what let it hurt. BUT do not let it destroy you take that energy and use it for YOU. It's time to do things for you and in time those against it will see the new you, the healthier you and the happy you! ????

And if that doesn't work just punch them in the throat and walk away LOL. Or at least visualize it...it helps and makes you laugh.

Stay strong you can do this!

[time for june 195]

Or an off the cuff reply to them could be - Well at least I was about to have surgery to help me with a healthier lifestyle.....what can you do to help get your brain working better? Then just smile and wave and hand them a big old piece of pie!!! HA! ????????

[Mrs. Reid 392]

1. The only negativity I am looking for is in a pregnancy test.

2. Your opinion does not determine my reality.

3. I don't know what makes you stupid, but it really works

4. Did you have bitch flakes for Breakfast?

5. If you're going to be two-faced, you could at least make one of them pretty..

I could go on...

[Mel13 9]

I am having similar issues. My 18 year old brother told me he thought i was taking the easy way out. i asked him if he was a doctor and offered him all of my information. I am pushing my (household) family to be more supportive and what do they do? They bring brownies and get mexican food >_>

They're going to find out very soon how big of a ..."brat".. I can be when I am determined. Anyone who tries to disapprove is going to listen to an hour long rant about how unsupportive they are and have been and why this TOOL is best for me.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Here is a link to a thread about snarky comments. Don't worry about being nice to rude comments and backhanded compliments.

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/315739-snarky-comebacks-to-snarky-comments/page-2?hl=%2Bsnarky#entry3565323

[roundisashape 712]

"You're absolutely right! As soon as the office opens back up, I'm going to have the surgeon put my stomach back in."

"Speaking of personal decisions, remember that time when you __got divorced / got arrested / got evicted / whatever__"

Sorry, I know those are mean spirited - my only excuse is that I'm hungry today and trying to drop a couple of pounds before surgery, lol.

[emmuje875 19]

I've been obese since i was 15, and I'm turning 25 in a few months, and I've had just as much as i can take from peoples opinions. I'm only telling my emergency contact before surgery, and if they don't like it, they can kiss my fat a.. I'd give anyone who has an issue with it a piece of my mind, no holds barred. We can make up next Thanksgiving, when I'm healthy and your jaw's on the floor.

[Cococat 119]

All I can suggest is, "If you don't like weight loss surgery, don't have it."

[finediva 979]

I have zero support and zero criticism. Why? I told zero people. ZERO. Happy happy joy joy.