New don't know where to start

somethingelse · May 13, 2007

Hello everyone! I came across these boards by accident and boy am I glad I did. From what I've read so far you all seem like such a great group of people.

I'm not exactly sure what it is I want to ask because I have so many questions and so much confusion. For starters I am almost 28 years old. I'm a female who's five foot one and weigh 265 pounds. All through my younger adult years I was a "chubby" (thought I was HUGE then) 160. Then at 18 I went on phen fen and lost 40 pounds. Things were great until I started gaining weight...a lot of weight. In a couple of years I found myself up to 280 pounds which is my highest weight. I've had two children and had gestational diabetes with both pregnancies. I was able to do pretty darn well watching my diet with those pregnancies and lost nearly 40 pounds during both. Then after each pregnancy I gained back the weight and then some withing about two months.

My mom died in March of 2006 of cervical cancer at the young age of 46. During the darkest times of watching her suffer I somehow mangaged to do weight watchers points at home on my own and I lost 40 pounds. I was pregnant directly after that where like I said I lost about 40 more. But alas here I am again back up to 265 possibly even more now. That puts my BMI at a whopping 250 pounds.

Where I'm at right now is that my weight is keeping me from doing so many things. I am unhappy about it constantly. I don't know that there's a minute that goes by that I'm not upset about my weight. It's hard but I can lose weight, though the most I've ever lost at a time was about 40 pounds. The thing is each time I gain back what I've lost and then some.

At this point I'm afraid of becoming diabetic, I have a family history of it plus with my history of gestational diabetes and my weight...well it's sort of a given. I'm just really hating myself for my poor eating choices but yet I don't stop. I am scared because I truly don't think I can ever conquer this on my own. I have a 5 year old daughter and a 9 month old little boy that I cannot run and play with. I can barely do anything with them. My life is sort of lived in this little bubble because of my weight. Back when I was younger I strived to be a "thin" person. That's not even what I want anymore.

Right after I had my son I was at 223 and let me tell you I felt damn good. I realized one day I could crouch down and tie my daughter's shoe. That was amazing for me. I couldn't do everything that I'd want to do but I could participate in most things like a normal sized person and it felt great.

So I guess my point is that I am seriously looking into the lap band. I suppose my fears are the same as anyone elses. First and foremost I'm afraid of death,leaving my husband and kids without me. Then I'm afraid of failure. I already feel like a big fat pathetic loser so what if I can't even lose with this, then what? I'm also afraid of the financial burden. My family is finally mostly out of debt. Though we have insurance this will surely still leave us with some pretty high out of pocket bills. I would feel so guilty about that.

I guess I'm feeling like it's selfish to go through a possible life threatining surgery which will probably also burden us financially just because I can't stop overeating. I know that I can eat less and exercise more and lose weight...at least some people can stick with it. So why can't I?

Then again I am so unhappy in my life that imagining the rest of my life at this weight is enough to cause me to breakdown.

What I'm really wondering I suppose is how do you make that final decision? I've read time and again that you'll just "know". Except I'm the type of person that overanalyzes and over worries about everything. If I even change around the furniture in my living room I have to go back and forth in my head about it till if finally seems right. So I don't know if I'm the type of person who could ever really know for sure if I was making the right choice.

Okay I've written novel here..I apologize. It's just that you all seem like you'd understand how I feel and that's something that I need so very much right now. Thanks in advance for any advice you might have.

Dare2Dream · May 13, 2007

I'm new here myself, but I wanted to tell you I'm so sorry about your mom. Today is a tough day for those of us that have lost our moms. My daughters are also far away from me too, although getting their phone calls made my day. I just wanted to wish you the very best of luck. I'm just now finding my way around this site myself.

Good luck to you

WASaBubbleButt · May 13, 2007

One reality that cleans things up from your mental hard drive is that the surgical risk is farrrrrr less than the risk you already have being morbidly obese. Surgery gives you MUCH better odds to be around and raise your children.

None of us could do it on our own. Many can lose weight, very few can keep it off. That's why we have bands.

Read everything you can get your hands on. Read everyone's opinions, take what works for you and leave the rest.

Good luck to you!

somethingelse · May 13, 2007

Thanks guys for your support. I'm planning to go to one of the surgeons seminars to find out more than what I have online so far. The only thing is though it seems that none of the surgeons around here have much experience with the band. They've done lots of other bariatric surgeries but not nearly as much as the band.

I keep reading and it makes a lot of sense that you want someone with lots of experience. However I'm not wanting to drive hours away from home for the surgery. I just wouldn't be comfortable being that far away from the doctor. Plus I have two small kids and my husband is a cop with a wacky schedule so things are hard enough as it is without having to drive hours for appointments. Not to mention if there was an emergency I most likely wouldn't be able to afford traveling on a moment's notice.

So what do you suggest then as far as surgeons? Would someone with lots of experience with bypass not neccesarily be good enough? This is a huge decision and I'm just not sure what to think as far as doctors go. I was really hoping for someone within at least 4 hours or less with a bit more band experience. I'm just not sure what to do since this doesn't seem to be an option around here at this time. And again when I say "around here" I just mean say four hours or less driving time. There's nothing around here any closer than two hours as it is.

By the way thanks for the kind words about my Mom. Today is hard for me and your kindness means a lot, Thanks!

WASaBubbleButt · May 13, 2007

No! Experience with bypass is not enough. Would you be okay to drive in your own neighborhood? Would you feel equally as sure about yourself driving by yourself in China?

A dentist operates too, would you want them placing your band? Placing a band requires experience. It has to be exactly right, no mistakes. Sutures not too tight or too loose, the band can't be too high or too low. It's an easy procedure to learn but it takes practice.

If you are knitting (I know, I've used this one before but my imagination isn't good enough to keep coming up with new examples! LOL) is your first project going to be absolutely perfect? Or will some loops be bigger than others? Will your 100th knitting project be better than your first? Why?

Alexandra · May 14, 2007

Hi Somethingelse, welcome to LBT!! Mother's day is bittersweet for those of us without moms, I know. Happy Mother's Day to you, all the same. :hug:

A lot of what you've written really rings true for me, too. When I decided to have surgery my two kids were 4 and 1, and they were the reason I did it. Surgery itself seemed like a very minor risk to take considering that every time we were out in the world I ran the risk of not being able to catch a running child. What would happen more often?

I comforted myself by remembering how many millions of surgeries are performed every single day, on all sorts of people, successfully. The actual procedure struck me as very simple. As far as finding a surgeon goes, it seems almost more important than experience with banding per se is experience with laparascopic surgery. Yes, surgeons' techniques improve with time, but I would have been comfortable with a very experienced lap surgeon even if he's only done 30 or 40 bands--as long as he's done them recently and is continuing to do them. The surgeon's technique probably improves dramatically between the 1st and 20th bands, but how much can it really improve between the 21st and the 200th? Once he's got it down, he's got it, if he is indeed doing it frequently. What's frequent? At least two per week would be my comfort level (based on nothing, really, just a gut feeling).

Banding is a pretty simple procedure, but living the banded life is not, necessarily. To my mind it's crucial to be close to your doctor for followup, consultation, support, and encouragement. If there's any chance of finding someone within easy driving distance, I'd suggest weighing that access as very important in your decision.

WASaBubbleButt · May 14, 2007

Much as I like and respect Alexandra, we really disagree on this one. I think it takes a lot of bands to be a good band surgeon. Twenty bands, fifty bands... that's just not enough.

There is a learning curve to banding and when the docs have to take their patients back to OR to fix what wasn't perfect, then they realize what was not perfect. There is more, the experienced docs that I talked to during my research feel they were not able to consider themselves experienced until they had done 250 bands. All of them that I spoke with said the same number, 250. I was talking to surgeons that had done thousands of bands, they still said 250.

They say there are unique issues to each patient, different anatomy, unusual problems. They felt that by the time they had done 250 bands they had done a TON of barium swallows. By 250 they had seen just about everything there was to see on a film. And keep in mind, the doc that does your surgery is likely to be the one that does your follow up.

I just don't see the value in being the guinea pig in this case. The band is just too important. For many it is the last shot they will attempt at weight loss and they deserve every opportunity for it to work.

The docs that are doing the complete procedure in the US for $10K or $12K, check it out. They are not experienced. Some people shop for price and some shop for experience. Some don't know what to shop for, they don't know what to research. Yet when the docs are experienced and have developed a great reputation the price goes up. They have completed their learning curve.

Stats show MUCH fewer complications, slips, etc. with docs more experienced. Twenty bands just doesn't do it. They don't even HAVE a track record for anything under 100 bands.

somethingelse · May 18, 2007

Is anyone familiar with Dr Obrien in Sioux falls SD? On his profile on obesity help it says he's done something like 530 bands. That's WAY more than anyone else I've found.

The only thing I noticed is that he doesn't have a therapist or whatever you want to call it on his staff. I guess I have one anyway but I thought that was strange that they didn't have one as it seems most that I've looked at have.

Now I'm just wondering if I should contact his office or wait till I see my physician in a couple of weeks.

ALso wondering, is it a bad idea to call insurance and ask them exactly what they require to quailify for the surgery. I looked up on their website but I just want to be sure.