Had only been at my job for six months when I was sleeved March 24. I developed a hernia after Christmas and knowing I would be out for surgery in the near future, I shared with people that I had a hernia and I was going to have a surgery. I wanted to sort of "cover" the surgery issue because I knew I'd be out. But what I didn't consider was that my coworkers would notice my weight loss, and put 2 and 2 together that I had WLS. I have had a few people say, how are you doing it?, etc. I have said that I cut out processed foods, sugar, alcohol, white carbs, etc. That is all true. But now some people have asked for details because they want to lose weight themselves. And these people who asked for details are not obese, but want to lose a few pounds. Also, there are 2 obese women there who are the best of friends and always talking and huddling. And I have very clearly sensed dislike and jealousy/or envy from one and a sort of, "I'm not stupid, it's obvious that you had surgery" looks from the other. I can feel their judgement just seething from behind their smiles. One asked how my surgery went (I gave her the hernia explanation).

Anyway I feel like I need to do something pro-active now. I can't say I had WLS now because I'd be "lying" in their eyes, and I don't want their judgement (even if they are judging silently to themselves!)…

So now I'm not sure what to say because my weight is still dropping and I'm still getting questions. I know I don't owe anyone any explanations and it's my business and stuff. The reason I elected to tell only a handful of friends I'd that my BMI was only 35, and when I began thinking about it, the folks I did talk to told me that I didn't need it. And another thing that crossed my mind was that I would seem vain for wanting to do it when I wasn't morbidly obese. Now I know it was they best decision ever and I am very happy about my results.

But I need advice on how to proceed. Thanks

I've been in HR a long time and had many employees come with paperwork for time off for WLS, and I always thought, "Good for you!" They frequently ask if they have to tell boss/coworkers why they'll be out and I tell them they are welcome to say anything or nothing. It isn't anyone's business.<br><br> Unfortunately, I saw the stigma that was sometimes attached to those who chose to be open about their surgery. They were perceived as somehow weak or lacking by their peers and people would act like their success wasn't "real." For some reason, people think it's ok to look down on people who seek medical help for obesity or sometimes mental health.<br><br> I am open with friends and family about the sleeve. At work, it is no one's business, and I don't want any sort of stigma attached to me. My body is not an ok topic of the workplace.

We'll put. And I love your screen name, btw!

I think some of this comes down to what you call a lie or being dishonest. I was raised in a very conservative Christian background and was taught lying is not only not telling the truth but you can also lie by omission. So, for me, if somebody asks me point blank how are you losing the weight, if I leave out the part about surgery, I feel dishonest or that I'm lying. That's a standard I hold myself to -- and I make a decision then whether I will "lie" or not by omitting part of the story.

I don't hold other people around me to the same standard -- it's a personal thing and if you feel like you can omit part of the story and still feel you are being honest, that's you and your life and I'm not going to judge you for that. Or, if you feel it's dishonest and lying not to tell people but you are ok with that, I'm ok with that for you, too. I'm not your judge and I'm ok with the fact that not everyone is just like me (thank God for diversity).

I'm not saying I will tell everyone who mentions I've lost weight -- I probably won't get a t-shirt with my surgery date and surgeon printed on it or anything but who knows, I might just do that, too, if the situation is right! lol However, with people I see on a regular basis, work with, hang out with, those people I will most likely tell. I've just chosen not to do that yet because I don't want to create doubt in my own mind if I get negative feedback. After surgery, they can't stop me!

It is a very personal decision and I can respect the fact you will make your own decisions, too, that might not be the same as mine.I just feel like being open about the surgery in the right situation helps to take away some of the stigma or shame people might feel about having it.

I admit I struggle with the need to de-stigmatize this. And by not being totally open, maybe I'm preventing this from happening on a larger scale. I have told ALL my close circle of friends, and my immediate family. I just don't want it to be the topic of every conversation at work - and trust me, it would be. To de-stigmatize it requires the masses to "come out". The problem is the distraction to my everyday life, my mindset, my own peace of mind, depends on keeping centered and balanced. Constantly receiving feedback from others messes with that. I'm just not comfortable with my weight being a MAJOR topic of conversation - that freaks me out. Being under a microscope for losing weight, while not as bad as being under the microscope for gain g weight, is just unpleasant. There are tons of these threads on here about this. I often comment because I see the pros and cons and it's such an issue for some of us who feel passionately either way. I was very protective of this decision because I didn't want others feedback. Once it was done and I'm fully invested in this way of life, I'm less worried that people will know. I care less what they think after losing 68 pounds. Maybe a year from now I'll sing it from the mountain tops, or announce it over the PA at work. Doubtful. But, you never know. In my humble and useless opinion, do whatever YOU need to do to get through this. Do what feels genuine to your personality, your life. There is no right answer.

I shared with my family and closest friends because I wanted to include them in the process and since I was taking the time to learn more about the surgery, it gave me a chance to explain it to them too.

Casual friends I told I was having some stomach surgery and left it at that. One co-worker asked me whether it was WLS and since she's over-weight I told her it was. She shared some of her mom's experience and asked me if she could ask me questions about the surgery and process, etc. If I hadn't been honest with her, I would have lost the opportunity to help her.

I figure if someone is going to be negative, they are probably already finding things to talk about me behind my back now so, either way, they'll be negative and criticize. You can't change some people. If someone asks, I tell them I had health concerns and this was the best way to help ensure I lead a long and healthy life. They might say it's the easy way out, so let them. Their words can't hurt you and who cares if something is easy or hard, as long as it works.

I guess, in short, supportive people will like you either way and the critical ones are already talking about you. If you say you are having doctor recommended surgery to improve your health, why would someone argue. They might ask if you tried ww, cause their sister's cousin's next door neighbor did well with it or some other weight loss program. I tell them that they do work and help but this is what my doctor recommended and my insurance co. agreed. Basically, I have a smaller stomach, nothing real radical. I don't see anyone having a debate when someone has a hysterectomy...

I guess I feel like meeting people head on is easier on me in the long run. I don't ask for people's opinion on how I live, vacation or my health choices and I don't plan to start now.

If you had a hernia operation, you can always say that the health problem was a wake up call for you and somehow the hernia repair has made you less hungry. You don't owe them more than that.

As always, my two cents! Hey, I'm only 5 days out of surgery so it's pretty real to me every day!

You don't owe anyone an explanation for anything. The ladies who are giving you a hard time are just looking for something to gossip about. Let them think whatever they want. They don't matter.

When I get asked how much I've lost my answer is always "a bunch." When they ask how I did it, "one pound at a time." People generally figure by this point my weight is not on the table for discussion.

Keep up the great work and don't the the haters get to you!

Your surgery is coming up very soon.... you lucky DAWG!

You don't owe anyone an explanation for anything. The ladies who are giving you a hard time are just looking for something to gossip about. Let them think whatever they want. They don't matter.

When I get asked how much I've lost my answer is always "a bunch." When they ask how I did it, "one pound at a time." People generally figure by this point my weight is not on the table for discussion.

Keep up the great work and don't the the haters get to you!

Your surgery is coming up very soon.... you lucky DAWG!

I guess you liked my post so much you must have copied and pasted it. Ummm thanks??

I mean, does one feel the need to hide it so they can feel superior as if they did it themselves without help? To gain accolades from their peers? Does one feel ashamed because they had to go to such drastic measures to gain control of their weight? I'm just trying to understand why lying is a better option for anyone because I've always lived my life as an open book.

I haven't lied to anyone-I just didn't tell anyone I had surgery. I'm a very private person. I had surgery in my wrist for arthritis and didn't tell anyone about that either. I'm not ashamed nor am I looking for accolades. It's no ones business!

Edited June 5, 201412 yr by Steph W-O

Yah know, I am pretty open but I also don't feel the need to tell every tom dick and harry about WLS. Example, I started dating someone and I told him about my weight loss and plastics (scars still visible as i am only 6 months out). He said "did you get a lapband?" I said no, and he cut me off and said "oh you did it with willpower" and then started to talk about something else. Well, I did do it with LOTS of efforts even after the sleeve. I felt like I should have had him rewind...whoa whoa ... but he was off to the races talking about something else and I decided... who cares? I eat less - its how I stay trim. At 2.5 years out - is my surgery even that relevant?

Yah know, I am pretty open but I also don't feel the need to tell every tom d**k and harry about WLS. Example, I started dating someone and I told him about my weight loss and plastics (scars still visible as i am only 6 months out). He said "did you get a lapband?" I said no, and he cut me off and said "oh you did it with willpower" and then started to talk about something else. Well, I did do it with LOTS of efforts even after the sleeve. I felt like I should have had him rewind...whoa whoa ... but he was off to the races talking about something else and I decided... who cares? I eat less - its how I stay trim. At 2.5 years out - is my surgery even that relevant?

Hope youve traded him in for a nicer model!

I mean, does one feel the need to hide it so they can feel superior as if they did it themselves without help? To gain accolades from their peers? Does one feel ashamed because they had to go to such drastic measures to gain control of their weight? I'm just trying to understand why lying is a better option for anyone because I've always lived my life as an open book.

It's not about lying at all I think. It's about it not being everyone's business what we choose to do. We tell the people that are close to us and need to know, nosey and unsolicited gossip's don't need to know, however if you choose to tell everyone that's your business just as it is our business who we choose to tell and it's not for you to understand or say what is right or wrong. It's all personal.

Privacy is very important when it comes to someone's personal health and medical needs. I agree that being ambassadors to alleviate stigma can be very freeing, however this is a very personal and private choice. Not everyone works in an environment where this is a socially accepted conversation to have with colleagues or peers. I choose to take the high road and have a conversation with anyone who is upfront with me and really wants to know out of concern or for their own personal choice to improve their life. It will not be due to gossip and the unprecedented need to judge me, or anyone else, for the choice to live!

I guess you liked my post so much you must have copied and pasted it. Ummm thanks?? </p> </div>

I thought this looked familiar when I hit "like" again!! Lol

I told everybody at work that I had done it. I hate lying and once you start with 1 lie you feel you have yo keep going. I decided to tell them because I am the only one that can decide in my life and I had wanted this surgery for a long time! People will always judge you, but hey if you are happy don't worry about what other would say or think. You can also say you don't want to talk about personal stuff. What ever you decide to do do it because you want to not because you feel pressure and be happy with yourself! Good luck!

Hi Scarlett. Don't worry at all what others think, they're just jealous! Besides, its none of their business whether you've had surgery. Tell them your food and exercise plan and tell them to give it a whirl.

You don't owe anyone an explanation for anything. The ladies who are giving you a hard time are just looking for something to gossip about. Let them think whatever they want. They don't matter.

When I get asked how much I've lost my answer is always "a bunch." When they ask how I did it, "one pound at a time." People generally figure by this point my weight is not on the table for discussion.

Keep up the great work and don't the the haters get to you!

LUV ur responses! ! I'm goin to also..lol..why didn't I think of that!