Had only been at my job for six months when I was sleeved March 24. I developed a hernia after Christmas and knowing I would be out for surgery in the near future, I shared with people that I had a hernia and I was going to have a surgery. I wanted to sort of "cover" the surgery issue because I knew I'd be out. But what I didn't consider was that my coworkers would notice my weight loss, and put 2 and 2 together that I had WLS. I have had a few people say, how are you doing it?, etc. I have said that I cut out processed foods, sugar, alcohol, white carbs, etc. That is all true. But now some people have asked for details because they want to lose weight themselves. And these people who asked for details are not obese, but want to lose a few pounds. Also, there are 2 obese women there who are the best of friends and always talking and huddling. And I have very clearly sensed dislike and jealousy/or envy from one and a sort of, "I'm not stupid, it's obvious that you had surgery" looks from the other. I can feel their judgement just seething from behind their smiles. One asked how my surgery went (I gave her the hernia explanation).

Anyway I feel like I need to do something pro-active now. I can't say I had WLS now because I'd be "lying" in their eyes, and I don't want their judgement (even if they are judging silently to themselves!)…

So now I'm not sure what to say because my weight is still dropping and I'm still getting questions. I know I don't owe anyone any explanations and it's my business and stuff. The reason I elected to tell only a handful of friends I'd that my BMI was only 35, and when I began thinking about it, the folks I did talk to told me that I didn't need it. And another thing that crossed my mind was that I would seem vain for wanting to do it when I wasn't morbidly obese. Now I know it was they best decision ever and I am very happy about my results.

But I need advice on how to proceed. Thanks

I mean, does one feel the need to hide it so they can feel superior as if they did it themselves without help? To gain accolades from their peers? Does one feel ashamed because they had to go to such drastic measures to gain control of their weight? I'm just trying to understand why lying is a better option for anyone because I've always lived my life as an open book.

There are a lot of misconceptions about WLS that exist. People see it as a "cop-out" and think those of us who understand the struggle are "cheating" our way through Weight Loss. It's nice that you feel comfortable sharing your future experience (and then subsequently educating those you tell), but I don't think it is unreasonable for people to want to keep this information private. Sometimes avoiding the misguided judgement of others is preferable for people, and that's OK!

A couple of years back I had a surgery called a mid-urethral sling. Basically, it took care of urinary incontinence under duress. (Coughing, sneezing, exercise.) It was certainly NOT a secret surgery, but neither was it anyone's business. I work with about 100 volunteers, and the last thing I would do is write an email or make an announcement that I was having vaginal surgery. So the people who needed to know, knew. There was another layer that knew it was for a "female" problem. The rest? I don't know if they knew or not.

I approached this the same way. I did not feel comfortable writing or announcing to a group of people (some of whom are little better than strangers) who didn't even know, ultimately, that I'd had surgery, what exactly I was doing.

My inner circle knew. The next circle knew that I was having a hernia repair (which was a bonus inclusion on this wonderful journey!) As I've lost weight, I've told some people and not told others, but I have never really treated it as a huge secret. I also wouldn't stand in the middle of the grocery store or a PTA meeting and announce it, either. Interestingly, it has been mostly a nonissue anyway. Turns out, lots of people apparently knew I had some weight to lose, and most just say, "Good for you."

I'm not ashamed of it, and I'm not a secretive person. But I am a person who believes that others' medical conditions are none of my business, unless they choose to directly share them with me. And vice versa.

What anyone chooses to do is their business. I asked the question simply to understand the other side. It just seems like it would be a constant chore to have to lie every time someone said, 'Wow! You look great! How did you do it?!'

Of course it's OK if that's the route someone wants to take. It is also OK to ask questions to gain a better understanding of someone's situation that they choose to share on an open forum.

I look at it this way, everyone has their vices. Mine just happens to be food (sugar/carbs mainly). I work with people that drink too much alcohol, smoke and some that are unfaithful to their spouses. If any of them would suddenly give up their vices, I wouldn't ask how they did, just be happy for them. I expect the same.

What anyone chooses to do is their business. I asked the question simply to understand the other side. It just seems like it would be a constant chore to have to lie every time someone said, 'Wow! You look great! How did you do it?!'

Of course it's OK if that's the route someone wants to take. It is also OK to ask questions to gain a better understanding of someone's situation that they choose to share on an open forum.

You didn't just ask a simple question. You are saying people are lying because they don't want to tell everyone and how exhausting it must be to keep that lie up.

I get to define what I share with the world. No one else. And it certainly isn't a lie because I don't want to share very detail of my life. It's called PRIVACY, it's called PERSONAL BOUNDARIES.

You decided to share every detail of your life great for you. That doesn't mean it's wrong or a lie to be private

I mean, does one feel the need to hide it so they can feel superior as if they did it themselves without help? To gain accolades from their peers? Does one feel ashamed because they had to go to such drastic measures to gain control of their weight? I'm just trying to understand why lying is a better option for anyone because I've always lived my life as an open book.

What anyone chooses to do is their business. I asked the question simply to understand the other side. It just seems like it would be a constant chore to have to lie every time someone said, 'Wow! You look great! How did you do it?!'

Of course it's OK if that's the route someone wants to take. It is also OK to ask questions to gain a better understanding of someone's situation that they choose to share on an open forum.

It's clear by the way you continuously use the word "lie" you have no idea how offensive you are being.

I'm an open person but I've kept this surgery to myself. Why? Because I have many more interesting characteristics than my weight. I don't care to talk about it 24/7. Period.

I've not "lied" to anyone nor do I plan to. I am not obligated to tell the world my personal business and I don't need to "lie" to maintain my privacy.

You didn't just ask a simple question. You are saying people are lying because they don't want to tell everyone and how exhausting it must be to keep that lie up.

I get to define what I share with the world. No one else. And it certainly isn't a lie because I don't want to share very detail of my life. It's called PRIVACY, it's called PERSONAL BOUNDARIES.

You decided to share every detail of your life great for you. That doesn't mean it's wrong or a lie to be private

Yes. Exactly.

I am only on month 2 of my 6 month supervised diet. I don't plan to tell anyone but my mother. I have lost 60 to 80 pounds in 6 months several times and gained it back plus more. When the ask, as they always do, I am going to tell them the truth. I have given up soda, cut out processed foods and focus most of my calories on getting Protein. All true. My health and medical information is mine to share or not share. Let people wonder and think what ever they choose. All that matters is how you feel about it.

I didn't tell anyone at my job. I told almost everyone I was getting a herina repaired which I was(also) . And which also constricts what you're able to eat. So people at my job would tell me I'm losing weight asking how I say I had a herina repaired and I can't eat that much. And i just stick to it. I totally get how you're feeling. But there's nothing you're lying about. You're eating less and better =) it's all they need to know. Keep it up!

A couple of years back I had a surgery called a mid-urethral sling. Basically, it took care of urinary incontinence under duress. (Coughing, sneezing, exercise.) It was certainly NOT a secret surgery, but neither was it anyone's business. I work with about 100 volunteers, and the last thing I would do is write an email or make an announcement that I was having vaginal surgery. So the people who needed to know, knew. There was another layer that knew it was for a "female" problem. The rest? I don't know if they knew or not. I approached this the same way. I did not feel comfortable writing or announcing to a group of people (some of whom are little better than strangers) who didn't even know, ultimately, that I'd had surgery, what exactly I was doing. My inner circle knew. The next circle knew that I was having a hernia repair (which was a bonus inclusion on this wonderful journey!) As I've lost weight, I've told some people and not told others, but I have never really treated it as a huge secret. I also wouldn't stand in the middle of the grocery store or a PTA meeting and announce it, either. Interestingly, it has been mostly a nonissue anyway. Turns out, lots of people apparently knew I had some weight to lose, and most just say, "Good for you." I'm not ashamed of it, and I'm not a secretive person. But I am a person who believes that others' medical conditions are none of my business, unless they choose to directly share them with me. And vice versa.

This has been my experience as well. People that know me know I've struggled and yoyoed for years. They are just glad I've found a way to hopefully keep it off.

Ive told some people at work that i am having the sleeve... another saw a post on a facebook page I thought was private. While its true that ones medical info is absolutely private and personal... my extra weight has been abundantly obvious for 20 years. Thats way more embarassing to me than the surgery and I will share my success story when I feel its helpful. But in general people are nosy ... I like the "pound by pound" response that is cute

I have luckily reached the age/stage in life where my "give a Damn is busted"

I have felt EXCEPTIONALLY well supported by work colleagues but if I had not I would have no trouble ignorng their petty gossipy ways whilst I sauntered in looking like a million bucks. New hairdo, make over, cute outfit, combined with your thinner healthier self... jokes on them.

Whatever your intentions Tonya, your questions did not come off as open minded knowledge seeking. Just because it has a question mark at the end ... they were pretty judgey. Did you think someone was going to answer "Yes I wanted to feel superior about myself." Lol. I don't want to be rude to you either just my perspective on why you got some negative reaction.

And I agree that it's a very personal choice. It probably also depends on your support system. If you can be reasonably sure family or coworkers won't be supportive it's more incentive to keep focused on your journey and not their thoughts. There's probably very few people who got to the point of having WLS who haven't been told/advised/"helped" by people in their life (well meaning or not) what they need to do differently to be healthier.

I did tell a few coworkers knowing that eventually most or all would know. It was just simpler for me and I trust them not to be snarky (that would not have been true at my last job lol). But one factor I didn't consider which sometimes makes me regret it is that I'm losing slowly. So far anyway. So partly I felt like the loss would be talked about so might as well be open. But now I feel like not losing dramatically is being talked about .... puts more pressure on me from others.

I don't understand why anyone would want to hide it in the first place. Is it something you're ashamed of?

For me, it has nothing to do with shame, but of having to answer all of the follow up questions. I told one person, a neighbor, before. Then the questions started:

Why can't you just eat less and move more?

What foods are you eating?

Can't you stop eating fried foods? (I never have been a fried food person)

What are you doing for exercise?

Have you ever tried Water aerobics?

What diets have you tried? Did ANY of them work?

On and on the questions came. This person had never battled weight from what I can tell. I regretted telling them and never told anyone else after. It was a decision that worked for me.

To be honest, a lot of why I didn't want to tell people IS because I'm ashamed. I'm embarrassed in the first place that I ever got so big and out of control and I'm annoyed at my body that no matter what diet or nutritionist I followed, the weight wouldn't stay off. I knew people would talk about me when the weight started coming off (had surgery 2/17, I'm down 75lbs right now)...part of the reason is because it's none of their freakin business. I did tell my closest friends and coworkers and they love and support me and tell me I have nothing to be ashamed about....I guess I just have to get over the guilt that I have...I've done what I've done and I'm happy with my results so far! Best decision I've ever made!