Banders #6

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,722]

OMG, I have FOREIGN OBJECTS in my body! My silver post earrings that I never take out. They don't speak English or anything. Now my band, that's not foreign. And it speaks alright.

......i was laughing my ass off reading this bandie

and then i had naughty thoughts of foreign things in my body.......hem hem haw

no comment...but hub did good LOL

OMG i am banished from this thread now

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

@@CarolinaGirl, starting my day off with a good laugh!

[SillyAuntDi 1,610]

You guys make me smile, laugh, and feel more and more confident in my skin and my transformed body. I am astounded that tomorrow marks my one-year bandiversary...more on that tomorrow

Happy Wednesday!

[lisacaron 5,075]

Today my friends I have thoughts of commitment and support on my mind. Looking up the word Commitment you can define and live it in two ways:

1. the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.

2. an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action.

I like to think that I live my life according to the first definition of the word. I am a very committed person. When I make a promise or say I am going to do something I do it. No matter how many obstacles are in my way I find a way around over under through them. Yes I can pull blood from a stone, I have done it!

What I realized is that I do all these things for everything and everyone but myself! When it comes to me to Lisa, the definition that best defines me is number 2. I commit myself to so much that I am a prisoner of my own dedication. I have been committed like someone who is locked up only I punished myself and I committed (check it out there is that word again!) no crime. Then again...I have committed (that word again) the biggest of crimes against myself!

This is my trap. I know better, trust me friends I really do. I can talk circles around why this and that, and make excuses for all the things in my life and you would all sit there and say but hey those are good reasons! In fact they are reasons that if I sat here and told you about them you might even think I was writing a novel and making this shit up, but trust me I would tell you that I only wish I was.

There are days when I feel like I have PTSD just from all the events I have had to deal with and I still keep going even when I want just throw a tantrum. So over the past few weeks I have been going a bit off the rails either not eating anything, or just giving into that temptation for this freaking ice cream I found that I love and am now addicted to. I'm sure it's because it's summer it's been hot and I have been super bummed.

I don't know if I have lost any weight, I don't think I have gained any either but that's not the point. I am not taking care of myself. Woman can't live on Ice-cream and pistachio nuts alone. If you would meet me on the street today or at work today or even speak to me on the phone...ladies and gents you would never know or be able to tell...maybe if you knew me "really" well you might see something in my eyes but I am so practiced at this poker face I should go back to being a Casino dealer! (Yes I may be only 43 but I have had more carriers and "adventures" in my life then most people who live to be 90 maybe the next one should be as a writer where I put it all out there...maybe someday)

I'm putting this all out there today, because I need to break the chains of commitment I need to redefine this for myself. So I started looking and thinking about what the word SUPPORT means.

By definition:

As a Verb Support means:

1. bear all or part of the weight of; hold up.

2. give assistance to, especially financially; enable to function or act.

As a Noun:

1. a thing that bears the weight of something or keeps it upright.

2. material assistance.

Now oddly enough these two things whether they are actions or descriptions are pretty much the same. I find that I fall into both of those categories and would define myself again more as number 1 then number 2 but I can identify with both and often times I am both and I am doing both!! I'm not sure what is worse!!

Today I define myself as being committed to being the support for everything and everyone but myself!!

This is an observation not a complaint.It's an observation I have made before but never with such definition and clarity when it comes to myself. Mostly I just see it and move on and keep on keeping on for the sake of all that needs to be done and someone to do it. Who nominated me Wonder Woman? I don't live on Paradise Island and I don't have an invisible jet to fly away when I need a break....or do I?

Maybe that's my problem...maybe I just forgot where I parked that bitch!! So maybe that's my ticket, I need to put down the ice cream bar untangle that lasso from around myself and stop trying to save the world single handed!

I need to stop trying to be the one that does everything all the time, and try to remember that I am human and not some super hero. My strong points are not asking for help, I'm better at doing it for myself then I am at asking for help. I think it's because I have been let down and disappointed so often that I don't feel the need to put my hand out there just to have it be left hanging or worse bitten off. It's not a fear, because I would not be sitting here writing this long ass post. I am out of practice, and I don't know about you all but do you find that people in the world today are just not willing to be committed and supportive of each other?

I don't mean just here on our WLS boards, if I thought that I would not be posting this here or sharing this with you all I'm just speaking in general in all phases and scopes of life out there. I think I have become hardened to believe that the only person you can count on is yourself, and you just can't rely on or depend on others....finding truly committed supportive people is like finding diamonds in the rough.

Thank you all my gems here for reading these very personal revelations as long as this post is...and for offering all your insights. This is one of the few places I feel that I am able to open up and be more vulnerable, and share what my deepest thoughts are. My hubs is amazing but it's not healthy to always unload all my frustrations on him, and honestly he suffers from these conditions as much as I do.

We need to redefine commitment and support in our lives, and start applying that same level to ourselves as we do for others. We have it on lock in our relationship with each other, it's the relationships we have in the world with work, and family and other commitments (ah that word is everywhere in my life!) and my big issue is using food to medicate and balm the wounds of disappointment that I need help with.

I'm guilty of bad habits friends...not eating, not taking care of my body's nutritional needs, the need for proper rest and exercise, and eating things that while they aren't "bad" aren't good for me either.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

@@lisacaron, keep those "long ass posts" coming. They help me a lot. I can relate to so much you wrote.

Edited September 10, 2014 by JustWatchMe

[Kitt3000 757]

Guilty Lisa. All things known about myself, just can't put it into words.

[gowalking 10,790]

Lisa....I knew sooner or later, you'd crack. You are amazing and can't be amazing all the time without shortchanging something and you are right...the something is you. Lord knows we have trouble putting ourselves first. If we do, we're selfish. Or we feel guilty. Taking care of ourselves is not the same as narcisism though I suspect we think it is.

I saw the therapist yesterday and we talked almost the whole time about my discomfort in being noticed. And I mean by my family. I always hid in the background and I know that gaining back so much of the weight I lost 20 years ago was partly related to these issues. We need to put ourselves, if not first, then certainly not last.

We are all works in progress whether we've made our weight goals or not. It's so much a process and I am understanding more now that it's a lifetime process....which makes the support we give each other even more important.

[lisacaron 5,075]

@@gowalking you are so right that we need to put ourselves first and not last or at least somewhere in there. I don't do that. For the first time in a long time I really had to sit with myself. I vented a bit and poor hubby he's a rock he had to deal with me. I can be a bit of a Tsunami when I get going. I have an adrenaline issue and it's not easy to contain once you set it off...it just has to wind it self out.

As I've gotten older I have learned to take a breath and not get consumed by the storm. In my younger days...oh boy...I could take down Tokyo just by blinking an eye

So I took a deep breath and did some real thinking, and took some bold steps that needed to be taken for better or worse. It was a work situation that finally pushed me over the edge, but I realized that it applied to all the rest of my life as well.

I was allowing myself to be abused by no one other then myself!! Here I am causing tilde waves and destroying all my hard work in the bat of an eye and the only person I was punishing was myself!! I don't know why I never understood that before...why I couldn't stop the self destructive behavior...why I spilled the milk and then cried about it for days and days...but something clicked in my brain yesterday and it took me some time...but I see where I have been doing myself wrong all this time!! Where I was hiding from myself in plain sight and I never bothered to really take a look. Once I did I understood that It was time to stand up for Lisa to speak up to draw the line in the sand and take care of her. No one else was going to do it, I had to do it for myself, and I have to make that the priority every day.

Not just to worry about what I am eating and when, but to take care of ME in all the ways that matter equally if not more then those outside bits that face the world every day.

Yes it matters what I eat, when I eat and how sure 100% but it also matters if I get enough sleep and not just shut my eyes for 8 hours but really rest and restore my mind and body. It doesn't matter if I get to the gym or not but it matters how much I move in the day and how much I sit still. It matters how many hours I spend frowning at my computer screen and how many hours I spend smiling and laughing with friends and family. It matters who I spend my time with, and why. All these things matter in how I value myself, and I realize that I wasn't at all, and if I don't value myself in the highest why should anyone else?

Holy long post again!!! Feel's good

[Debbie3sons 1,936]

Were going to have to get a petition going for Carolina Girl to say ___ she wants & we might have to put Lisacaron to be the poster child for long post on rants& raves ,Really though I am one who doesn't mind ,because I want to know & keep up on what you all are feeling or doing because believe it or not it helps me & that's why I come here ,because ,some days I feel my family is really trying to sabotage me , by asking do I wanna go pick up dinner from somewhere ,so keep it coming all of you & the smiles,dirty thinking & laughter& every thing else & let us keep losing or maintenance or getting to our goals on our Journeys.

[Debbie3sons 1,936]

Oh I guess I also did a long post LoL.

[gowalking 10,790]

We met at a little after six and he walked me home at 10. (it's OK girls...I live in a doorman building so I don't have to worry about anyone ever coming to my apartment unexpectedly) So we hesitated a bit but then had a nice sweet kiss at the end. I think I like him. I think he likes me. We seem to have alot in common. In fact...I'd bet money that he's had WLS. He told me he had a knee replacement so I told him about the hips. I never thought I'd say anything that personal on a first date but it felt OK to tell him. Eventually we got around to talking about having to lose weight so that the replacements would work optimally. He's still overweight but I don't care. He's a nice man and we talked very easily. He mentioned his struggles losing weight and I couldn't keep quiet. I didn't tell him I was banded but when I did tell him that I struggled as well, he looked incredulous...which I understand now. If you look at me without knowing my history, I don't look like someone with weight issues. Good lesson for me never to judge a book by it's cover. I hope he asks me out again.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,722]

lizzie, i just gotta ask.....not that i care but heck yeah i do...we all thinking it

on that little (kiss), did you give him some tongue?

i mean, i wanna know dammit

[gowalking 10,790]

OMG!! I just fell off the couch I'm laughing so hard! You are something else girl!! No..he didn't get any tongue. Can't give it all away on the first date now, can I?

[gowalking 10,790]

OK...he's interested. He just texted me good morning.

[SillyAuntDi 1,610]

Aren't those little good morning texts after a nice evening the BEST! You rocked it!!!!