Hurting right now.

[NothingUpMySleeve 244]

I am feeling so sad right now, and I know I should let it go but it's hard. I've lost almost 40 lb, and my husband has been nothing but supportive.

He's been traveling a lot the past four months so he actually hasn't seen the changes a lot. Well today I came out of the closet with just my jeans and bra because I needed a shirt from the dryer. I caught him staring at my stomach with like confusion and disgust and he asked, "So, is that just...skin on your stomach...or what is making it all...wrinkled...will that go away?"

Then he kind of caught himself and said, "wow you are losing weight, you must feel good," in that kind of fake good cheer way.

I know he didn't mean to make me feel bad. We are close and he never made me feel bad about the pregnancy weight. It's just so unfair--we both gained weight with two hard babies and two management careers, but I am the only one left with a ruined, gross body.

My scars are horrible, my hair is falling out, I have ugly stretch marks and wrinkly belly button from the babies. In some ways, I looked better fatter. I weigh 149 right now, and my goal is 125. I will need a Tummy Tuck and boob lift, but I am scared of more pain and more big ugly scars. I know this was for health and not just appearance, but I just feel hideous right now.

[rodeomom969 39]

I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt. I'm sure he will get used to it and I was told by educational class it can take 6 months for skin to shrink back, so it might still change. I have surgery in the morning and not looking forward to that part either, but looking forward to my back feeling relief.

[NothingUpMySleeve 244]

I really hope the skin changes. Good luck on your surgery today.

[elfnow 277]

I don't have much good advice, because let's be honest - what he said may not have been intentional but it hurt like hell.

It is so unfair that we women have our worth tied to our body shape, and just the act of becoming a mother stretches us. It may "ruin" the skin tone but please don't let YOU feel "ruined"!!

And maybe this will make you chuckle... Imagine replying, "Hey, your D**K looks like it's gotten longer... Are you losing weight?"

[mommyof3sweetboys 67]

Awwwwww, sorry you are hurt! I went into this with the idea that yes, there might be loose skin but I would rather have some loose skin than be fat and miserable. You are doing great! Don't let this get you down!

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

So you both gained weight.. Where is his weight right now?

To be fair and how you recounted it; sounds like he was fascinated in a sort of science experiment kind of way..

However and to take it to base level - women should not be the only ones concerned about their appearance. Men have a responsibility, too.

Why we beat ourselves up over it endlessly, I have no idea. You gave birth to Children. That's going to wreck your body - even before or after the weight.

What children did he squish out of his body?! None! That means we as a sex work doubly hard to make and sustain a family and have these unrealistic self-imposed expectations put on us about how we look, how we keep the house, how we 'appease' out partners.

So, your body is not looking like Cindy Crawford's right now. On the flip side (and I know irrespective of what he looks like, you wouldn't comment or see him as less attractive) - but I'm sure he isn't exactly looking like Mark Wahlburg sp/ph, right now, is he?! That should give you perspective.

I know he loves you and means well - however 'foot in mouth' it was. But really, you can't beat yourself up over this. You're in the middle of a process. When the process is completed you can take stock then.

In the meantime - tell him that you were hurt by him responding to you as if you were some weird freak of nature. After all, if he's in management, surely he has greater comprehension of what happens to skin after it has been stretched and deflated over a period of time?!

And for yourself... Take pride in the kids you have brought into the world and the control you have now got over your diet and weight.

Give it a little while and you'll feel much, much better.

[NothingUpMySleeve 244]

Thanks everyone