Something is playing on my mind so I thought I'd just 'throw it out there' to the great and good on this site for discussion...

When I was big, I was repeatedly told in response to my insecure mutterings about my size; 'I never see your weight, Revs. You're just Revs. Always have been, always will be.' 'You have a big personality, Revs. That eclipses anything else. People see your character before they notice anything else.'

This has come in many forms and in various machinations. When done with love and delivered gently - its been from friends and family. With moderate, clumsy indifference and accompanied with the obligatory 'you have such a nice/pretty/beautiful/attractive (delete as appropriate) face' and lets not forget the 'You always dress really well and have amazing make-up'... (Subtext - your body is like the back end of a bus), its been from random colleagues and acquaintances.

So, when I was researching weight-loss options (this was over 10 years of dedicated YouTube, surgery website, academic journal perusing), I saw all these a-maz-ing transformations. People who had metamorphosed from looking like Sloth from the Goonies

into Demi Moore (in her heyday) and every shade of beautiful in between.

Consequently, when I had the surgery, I envisioned my kilo-losing metamorphosis. The egg, larva, pupa, to beautiful butterfly...

So here I am, a truck load of weight down and well, I haven't changed into the metaphorical butterfly I was hoping for. Don't get me wrong, this is not a pity-party or anything. I am elated with what I've achieved so far and before anyone bores me to tears with the 'but you've got a healthier you, that should be reward enough', line of tedium.....I wanted to look like Demi Moore GODDAMNNIT! <that's a joke btw and before anyone gets on a tip about 'loving who you are and not aspiring to look like someone else' in a yawn-fest, stating the obvious manner>

Now, I know miracles can't happen. You have what you've been given. I am VERY grateful for what I've been given, don't get me wrong. What I'm actually getting at is that there has not been the 'woooaaaah, you've changed' moment for me, as there have been for others. I go to my bariatric meeting and some people have had the 'Whoaaa' transformation. The Sloth to Demi moment. I, have not.

People of course recognise that I have shifted some weight and rarely acknowledge it - which is socially normal. But its like nothing has changed. Why?!

As the title suggests - should I be disappointed by this, flattered or just indifferent to it? Of course, I wanted a 'transformation' of sorts and have achieved that - of sorts. But were the utterances of others about my personality and face actually true all along and in fact, the only person who appeared to be bothered by my weight, or even noticed it, was, well, just me?!

By virtue of this, does it make the fact that I went through surgery ludicrous? Of course not, because (and I'm appealing to the health-freak tedious here), I have made myself more healthy. But really, all the long-held deep-seated and total misery about my weight - was it really only my problem all along?!

Who knows...

I am Revs. I have a personality. And everything else, despite this surgery, just appears to be, well, irrelevant!

<Omitting, of course, that my backside is considerably smaller and I can now buy the hottest clothes and the highest heels>

Anyone else had something similar? Anyone else after weight loss just been 'You' - but a 'lighter' version. 'You-Light', if you will!

Have your expectations matched reality both in physical, social and psychological terms?

Do, please tell! Looking forward to reading your thoughts... x

N.B I am hoping this will not become a 'before and after' photo opportunity thread, btw...... <The grumpy OP>

I think it just goes to show how hard we actually can be on ourselves. I feel like I had the whoaaaa! monment a couple weeks ago when I actually looked at my face in the mirror instead of trying to see all the changes on my body. I didn't recognize myself! what I saw was a pretty young fashionable woman who looked incredibly happy. Now maybe she has been here all along and I just didn't see it but there certainly has been a change for me and not just on the outside. I think I get what your saying Rev and I did see a picture of you a couple weeks back and you look incredible so maybe it is just you that can't see it or haven't recognized it yet and perhaps what your friends have said has been true all along. You already were beautiful!

The fact you've had a 'whoaa' moment, is amazing. I won't lie, I've had variations on that theme. Largely due to walking into a shop, picking up a size 18 and my partner saying 'what are you doing, that'll be huge on you'... I have also had the 'holy cow, look how skinny my legs have gotten'... But as far as the true metamorphosis.. from the Sloth to Demi like some others.. It hasn't happened. I cannot believe that its the social circle I knock around with. I am reasonably restrained, but when I see the massive transformations, I've found it nigh-on impossible not to say 'Holy cow! Look at you!'... That just doesn't happen to me - ergo the statement about general indifference and remaining me - just a lighter version.

Its amazing that you've recognised how amazing you look and I thank you most sincerely for your kind words about my presentation. I don't think that way about myself at all. Maybe that's the problem. I was expecting some reaction - any reaction - good or bad. So far all I've got, is well, tumbleweed! x

Sounds like they all need a swift kick in the keester!!! LOL

I agree with terri82 much.. Your were already beautiful in the eyes of others. They looked beyond your physical and saw a dynamic, intelligent person. And that was enough for all who knows u. To me , that is such wonderful people to be surrounded by, you r lucky indeed,

I agree with terri82 much.. Your were already beautiful in the eyes of others. They looked beyond your physical and saw a dynamic, intelligent person. And that was enough for all who knows u. To me , that is such wonderful people to be surrounded by, you r lucky indeed,

Thats an amazing way to look at it and I thank you. Clearly my head is up my arse and has been for a considerable amount of time. x

I love the way you write, paint such a picture.

I personally have had a couple of those "whoaa is that me??" moments mostly because I was looking for them and founds them in the weekly photos I take! Even a week of no weight or inches lost but my body shifted a lot of weight and I was gifted thighs that don't touch.

From others perspectives I hardly get the WOW from friends and co workers and family that see me daily or weekly. I do get the gushing wow you have changed into a beautiful person by my friends and family I don't see but once or twice a year. That’s where the big comments comes in.

Don't fret and go look for people you haven't seen or connected with in a while. Also I share my before and after photo with strangers, big ego boost because all they see if the you in front of them and that fat person in your phones photos.

Good luck and just be at peace with the new Demi Moore inside you.

Anyone else had something similar? Anyone else after weight loss just been 'You' - but a 'lighter' version. 'You-Light', if you will!

Have your expectations matched reality both in physical, social and psychological terms?

Do, please tell! Looking forward to reading your thoughts... x

<The grumpy OP>

I get exactly what your saying.......Same thing happens to me when I look in the mirror and am shocked to find I do not look like the 20 year old my mind thinks I am.........

I love the way you write, paint such a picture.

I personally have had a couple of those "whoaa is that me??" moments mostly because I was looking for them and founds them in the weekly photos I take! Even a week of no weight or inches lost but my body shifted a lot of weight and I was gifted thighs that don't touch.

From others perspectives I hardly get the WOW from friends and co workers and family that see me daily or weekly. I do get the gushing wow you have changed into a beautiful person by my friends and family I don't see but once or twice a year. That’s where the big comments comes in.

Don't fret and go look for people you haven't seen or connected with in a while. Also I share my before and after photo with strangers, big ego boost because all they see if the you in front of them and that fat person in your phones photos.

Good luck and just be at peace with the new Demi Moore inside you.

I think you're right. Maybe I need to hunt down some people I havent seen for a while and if nothing is said shout 'YO DUDES!!! I'VE LOST A TRUCK LOAD OF WEIGHT. SAY 'WHOAAAH' RIGHT NOW!!!'

And I'm pretty good with the 'Demi' inside. Even more so when I'm dancing round my bedroom in a new dress and heels on my own, like I'm 10 years old or something

Anyone else had something similar? Anyone else after weight loss just been 'You' - but a 'lighter' version. 'You-Light', if you will!

Have your expectations matched reality both in physical, social and psychological terms?

Do, please tell! Looking forward to reading your thoughts... x

<The grumpy OP>

I get exactly what your saying.......Same thing happens to me when I look in the mirror and am shocked to find I do not look like the 20 year old my mind thinks I am.........

Hehe. I don't want to be 20 again. Hell-to-the-no! I want to be late 30's (as I am), with all the lines and shading that time has given me.. Just with a much smaller profile, killer clothes and perhaps, the 'freshness' that weight loss can give some people, which as of yet, has alluded me... Make sense?

I agree with the other posts, especially about how you write - it evokes such a clear picture!

Recommend you find some people who haven't seen you since your journey began,

I agree with the other posts, especially about how you write - it evokes such a clear picture!

Recommend you find some people who haven't seen you since your journey began,

Thank you.

When I attempt to write, I do endeavor not to leave the reader in a state of confusion as to what I'm trying to convey... Primarily (and this is from a purely selfish standpoint) because it drives me bonkers when you write things and people choose to go waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off topic.... Or, worst still, twist what's been written to suit their own ends.

I think everyone is right. I need to go and see my international crew for them to do the 'Whoooaaah' bit. At least I'm hoping they will!

Failing that, maybe I need to go and get made up and take some photos because I just don't see it...

But.. on reflection... am I an island unto myself with this issue, or have other people experienced the same thing?

Are you happy with your transformation? Is it everything you expected it to be?

This is why I am always uncomfortable when people write about 'a new me'. No, sorry, it will always be you, albeit in smaller, perhaps hotter clothes. Pre or post surgery, pre and post weight loss, we are who we are for the wonderful, the ok and the not so ok .

my disappointment is I look older. Now that the fat is no longer stretching out the skin, I can see the wrinkles in the face. That has been a hard adjustment for me. I am 56 but I never looked it before.. I am thinking very hard about getting a face lift because at this point I wouldn't be happy no matter what my body looked like. I can hide the skin on my body, I can not hide my face.

I was going to suggest you post a before and after pic until I read you saying "I don't want this to become a before and after pic..." But then someone replied saying they recently saw a picture of you. Umm, where? You're hiding behind a fake profile pic online. Maybe you're hindering your reveal in real life also? Are you wearing baggy clothing, etc? I can tell you that every time my mother sees me now she tells me how beautiful I am and as nice as it may sound to you I can't stop thinking, "why didn't she ever tell me how beautiful I was BEFORE"? Compliments that I receive now feel cheap and shallow. My husband is the only one I'm comfortable receiving compliments from and I still blush. He told me how beautiful I was to him the whole time we were together. He recently told me that I was always beautiful and I'm just showing off now. We all need therapy. LOL.

I had to laugh because I have not gotten that 'holy crap' moment I've been waiting for from anyone either. The other day someone at work took a good look at me and said your ponytail looks nice lol. I'm like really that's the best I can get out of people! I keep thinking 5 more pounds, 10 more pounds and then it will come. I think maybe people don't want to acknowledge my weight loss because they politely ignored my weight gain. Loose skin, wrinkles and hair loss but I just keep truckin along. Maybe a summer tan will do the trick lol .....signed, Hopeful