How did you handle telling everyone about your surgery

[takefeline 2]

I've read all the posts on this topic, but haven't quite made the decision yet for myself. My surgery date in in 3 weeks and so far only my husband and his parents know.

I have had drama with my family in the past and so I don't know how they will accept my decision... even though both my parents have had gastric bypass. I don't think I will tell my friends because I feel they will judge me.

I am unsure if I should tell my coworkers. I am a nurse, so they will all notice I am out on medical leave for weeks. I have considered telling them I am getting gallbladder surgery, but I hate lying and am terrible at it. I just don't know if I am confortable dealing with all their opinions (especially being in a female profession).

I am confident in my decision, but I do not deal well with people's criticism. This is probably the thing that is stressing me out the most at this point... any advice?

[Kindle 8,667]

Obviously my "secret" is the worst kept one on the planet, so not sure what to tell you. Like McButterpants said, this is such a personal decision. But I, too, have a hard time lying to people I see everyday and I would have to keep lying to them as I lose weight. Quite frankly I was a little relieved when the four people I told blabbed it all over. It took the pressure off me having to say anything.

Maybe don't volunteer any info. Take each inquiry as it arises and ask others to be discreet if you do tell them. Obviously, you will get more questions when you really start losing weight, but by then it's too late for anyone to criticize your decision because you will already be a success. As for people's individual opinions, you really can't control them and you have to remember who you did this for. I personally have only had positive responses, but I have read posts how some people's "friends" and relatives were very negative and even mean towards them. Tough decision.

[Tanglesia 15]

I chose to let my circle of support know that this is the course I have chosen. My job is a very public, I see 20-30 different people a day. So when I decided this was the path I was taking I started to tell my friends that have seen me do every diet plan, exercise classes and boot camps. Allot of them did them with me. When I told them not a single negative comment, they are so excited for me for something to finally work, to have a tool that will give me results. My 2 close friends (husband and wife) was the most negative the comments they made have been with me since they were said. Husband said "so your arms are large what will they be like after". Really? The wife has struggled with weight her whole life and she has finally conquered it for the moment, but she is so negative and worried about every bite she puts in her mouth. She's angry if you eat something she can't have. So her comment was oh guess you will be a rail with your height". I make her feel better being fat she feels better about her self with me being overweight.

I have 3 months let before surgery, my goal is to happy and take it with a thankful nature. I can't wait to have a tool to help me meet my goal.

So I love taking about it, it makes me excited and has helped me get thru the insurance hoops. But remember ""it's your story to tell"" I would rather tell and have the facts then have the jealous rumor mill make up a story.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Since my husband decided it is no one's business, we have not told. No one missed us 1 night in hospital. The weight has come off slowly over the past 4 months. My husband has lost 50 lbs LOL and even his 30 y/o son has not noticed. Life is good. We enjoy not having to explain our surgery and have gone on with life, focusing on our eating plan. Our life has been a dadgum diet of some sort for so many years, as our friends and neighbors know, that it is the truth to say this diet is working and we are eating less.

[liltoy 30]

Personally, I chose to not tell anyone except my husband and two college age kids. In my family there is so much drama. This surgery was for me, and I just did not want to deal with all the cr@p I knew would be coming at me. I still think it was the best thing.

It took people months to notice I lost weight at work. When they did notice I just laughed and said I had been dieting for months and people were just noticing now because I bought new clothes. At the first of the year I started working out with a trainer that everyone knows around here, so that has bought me some weight loss believability, too.

No one suspects WLS and i am just fine with that. I am very private and my medical issues are no ne else's business. That is just me, though. Plenty of others here are fine with being poster children for WLS. More power to them. For me, the journey is hard enough without questions and worry and accusations from other people.

I feel the same way u do

[liltoy 30]

Personally, I chose to not tell anyone except my husband and two college age kids. In my family there is so much drama. This surgery was for me, and I just did not want to deal with all the cr@p I knew would be coming at me. I still think it was the best thing.

It took people months to notice I lost weight at work. When they did notice I just laughed and said I had been dieting for months and people were just noticing now because I bought new clothes. At the first of the year I started working out with a trainer that everyone knows around here, so that has bought me some weight loss believability, too.

No one suspects WLS and i am just fine with that. I am very private and my medical issues are no ne else's business. That is just me, though. Plenty of others here are fine with being poster children for WLS. More power to them. For me, the journey is hard enough without questions and worry and accusations from other people.

I feel the same way u do

[liltoy 30]

I honestly didn't want many people to know but my family, I didn't want people to try to discourage me. When I told my mother In law she told everyone at church. people that I don't really associate with. I was really up set when people was questioning me at church and telling how it's just a bad idea. I was also compared to another sister in my church that has the gastric bypass. I had the sleeve don't and I'm doing fine no complications thank God. Anyhow this other person didn't really take care of them self too well. She also has a lot of habits i don't have. I went ahead any how and I'm doing it for me.

Wow I understand you situation I told no1 but my hubby and told him don't say anything 2 no1 I even made up a lie incase ppl started questioning about my weight loss well well well my hubby went 2 work and told his boss that has the biggest mouth and said he 4got #shame on him

[Lisa1826 2]

Since it's so noticeable when you start to lose weight. What in the world can you tell ppl ,that seems reasonable and that sounds so good that ppl will believe?? I'm having my surgery on 2/26/2014 !!!

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Lisa1826, on 08 Feb 2014 - 11:38, said:

Since it's so noticeable when you start to lose weight. What in the world can you tell ppl ,that seems reasonable and that sounds so good that ppl will believe?? I'm having my surgery on 2/26/2014 !!!

Lisa you will lose weight rather slowly, over months. My husband has lost 50 lbs., no one has noticed. I have lost 50 lbs. It came off slowly. We are dieting. We quit drinking. We quit eating full dinners when we went out a couple times. We eat no carbs, no sugar. Our diet is working. No need to lie about anything. We changed the way we eat. Works for us! Good luck!!

[McButterpants 2,846]

Lisa1826, on 08 Feb 2014 - 11:38, said:

Since it's so noticeable when you start to lose weight. What in the world can you tell ppl ,that seems reasonable and that sounds so good that ppl will believe?? I'm having my surgery on 2/26/2014 !!!

Lisa you will lose weight rather slowly, over months. My husband has lost 50 lbs., no one has noticed. I have lost 50 lbs. It came off slowly. We are dieting. We quit drinking. We quit eating full dinners when we went out a couple times. We eat no carbs, no sugar. Our diet is working. No need to lie about anything. We changed the way we eat. Works for us! Good luck!!

Seriously, no one said anything to me about losing weight until I hit the 50 pounds mark - on that day, I had two people that said something. Granted it's winter and I'm wearing bulky clothes, so it's less noticeable than if it was summer.

The first to comment was our financial planner, whom I haven't seen in months. He said, "You look like you've lost weight." I said, "I have and thanks for noticing and commenting. It's been hard work." That was it. Later that day the mom of one of my son's friends said, "You look great. You've lost a lot of weight." Again, I thanked her for noticing and saying something. She asked how much I've lost and I told her. That was it.

Before surgery I was also worried about social dinner situations. What would I say to people who notice I'm not eating much. No one has commented on how little I eat. At times a waiter or waitress may ask if everything was OK with the meal because I didn't eat much and I say, "It was really great, my eyes were just bigger than my stomach."

My brothers and their families haven't said anything about my weight loss and they didn't say anything at Christmas when I are virtually nothing at Christmas dinner.< /p>

The fact is, we think about our weight a lot more than other people do. I always thought people viewed me as the Fat Girl. In reality, I viewed me as the Fat Girl - that was my identity. I realize now, my brothers think of me as their sister, not their fat sister.

[ad1203 85]

This is a decision I am struggling with also. To tell or not to tell. So far it is just between my husband and I. I am leaning toward not telling anyone because my family (in-laws) are very judgemental. My mother-in-law likes to spread the news around even if I told her I would rather she not. I am struggling with telling my mom and my sister. I think my mom will not approve because she is not open minded and would worry. I was thinking of telling people that I had hernia surgery also, although I feel guilty about flat out lying. I just worry about the first month when I am not feeling well. I know I will have to have some story. It is amazing how many of us are struggling with the same thing. I, too, like reading the topics (especially this one) because I like to know what others have done. It is helpful. Good luck with your decision and keep me posted.

[McButterpants 2,846]

I dreaded telling my parents - my mom has struggled with her weight her entire adult life and my dad is fit as can be.

My mom was so supportive - she said if she had to do it all over again, she would have surgery. That surprised me. She cried because she knows I have been worried that I will follow her same path.

My dad teared up and asked a lot of questions. "Are you sure it's come to this?" "What exactly are they going to do to you?" "Have you talked to your doctor?" "You love food, are you sure you're going to be able to give up the things you love?" (my answer to that was, "Dad I've eaten enough bread for a lifetime. It's time to stop." He didn't want me to go thru with it and expressed his concerns - I was deeply touched by his reaction.

Today, my parents are on board 100%. My mom tells me weekly (at least) how proud of me she is. My dad asks me questions about my diet and he can see me work out at the gym. He can tell if I eat something that doesn't agree with me. He actually calls this a "necessary medical procedure" now. I laughed when he said that.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

I Love hearing your stories everyone. Almost feels like having conversations, except there are no distractions. It is wonderful to have others' perspectives when we are worrying over things and trying to make it more complicated than it really is. Have a great weekend and here's to more weight loss!

[Tiny One 223]

I've always been a private person when it comes to my health and personal decisions. This was no different. I chose to tell only my very supportive husband who has listened to me complain/worry about my weight, sleep apnea and concerns with the threat of HBP, diabetes & high cholesterol. I told 3 very very close supportive friends.

I told my HR rep only because I thought it would be on my paperwork that I submitted for FMLA. Had I known my doctor was writing abdominal surgery only, I wouldn't have told the HR rep. My coworkers thought I was out sick. I work in the healthcare insurance industry and we are well aware of HIPAA. It would be a violation if they ask any personal health questions. I just accept their comments & keep it moving.

I have a large family and a twin, but didn't tell any of them. We tend to be very critical & judgmental of each other. My twin is very competitive. It was easy not telling them because I don't see the everyday. They have no idea that I took off for 5 weeks for my sleeve. I'm loving the fact that they don't know. Funny thing is, I think one of my sisters is overly obsessed with the fact that i don't drink or eat as much as I previously did when we get together. Almost to the point where she said something a few times about me going to the bathroom after eating. I wouldn't be surprised if she and my other sisters discuss that behind my back. I'm okay with that, and can't wait for them to stage an intervention, lol..... My husband and I talk about how funny that would be.

I knew folks would try to talk me out of it and I didn't want that stress on top of the anxiety of have major surgery.

When folks ask what am I doing, I tell them I eat healthier, Portion Control, & exercise. The folks that know me well enough to ask questions, they know me well enough to know their limits with discussing my health.

My limiting the number of folks has allowed this journey to be a very positive one.

I enjoy the great comments and keep it moving.

So not telling works for me,

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

You nailed it with this post Tiny! Best luck and keep on losing!