OK, let me just start by saying, this may be TMI for some of you but I really just need to get this off my chest.

Anyway, what has caught me by surprise with this surgery is that I’m having some self-image issues. I’ve always had self-image issues as an overweight individual but I assumed that as I lost weight, I would feel better about myself. And I do. In some ways. Maybe it’s not a self-image issue at all. Maybe it’s just anger and resentment? Perhaps it's a mix. I don’t know. The problem is this. DH had reached a point where he was no longer interested in being intimate with me at all prior to my weight loss. Now he’s enjoying my weight loss. He keeps telling me how I look like the person he married and how hot and sexy I am. He’s constantly trying to get me to have sex with him. He's always "grabbing and pawing" at me. He keeps me up at night arguing about whether we're going to have sex or whether I'm going to sleep. He wakes me up in the morning way before I need to be up just because he wants to have sex. Why is that a problem? Because it pisses me off. His disrupting my sleep and I'm not a morning person and I don't like when people screw with my sleep schedule anyway. I am paranoid about having him see me naked. I don't like how I look right now. I'm um, well....I've always been "well endowed" and never had any issues with sagging. Now that I've lost quite a bit of weight, the girls are looking all sad and droopy and deflated and quite honestly, it really bothers me. It makes me mad that he’s all interested in sex now and he wasn’t before I started losing weight. If he loved me so much, he should’ve wanted to be with me then, right? And if he didn’t want me then, why should he have me now? If I wasn’t good enough then, I’m certainly not good enough now. And now he’s acting all jealous all the time. He thinks every man out there is looking at me and makes all sorts of comments about how they better not be looking at his woman, as if I’m property. And I don’t like it. And I’m not even sure how to deal with it. I mean sure, I’m glad he likes what he sees but then, it makes me angry that my appearance seems to be more important to him than who I am on the inside. I don’t know...I suppose it’s just part of the process but I’m not sure how to deal with him right now. And maybe he just doesn’t know how to deal with the new me? Heck, I don’t even know how to deal with the new me.......

I must say that life is so much better for me when I freed myself from the things that were bringing me down (weight, toxic marriage, etc.). I can totally relate to these posts though!

I think all women have responded to this post. Wouldn't it be interesting to hear the men's side of this subject, without fear of retaliation?

I think all women have responded to this post. Wouldn't it be interesting to hear the men's side of this subject, without fear of retaliation?

It's funny that you mentioned this BC I thought, "women forget about the differences between the strength of the average sex drive for a woman and the average sex drive for a man." Men more than likely have sex on their mind more times throughout the day than women do.... So naturally, they are going to pursue having a sexual encounter more.... It doesn't make it right that they are more sexually aroused when a person is shapelier.... They just are..... VERY INTERESTING.... Another Women from Venus, Men from Mars scenario !

To the original poster of this topic, I understand your gripe but can't help but think of the exact same scenario where wife gets thin and sexy BUT husband doesn't seem to notice and has no increased interest in sex. The woman in that scenario would be majorly annoyed too! Seems like men are damned if they do and damned if they dont!!

Secret bander , sometimes looking at their nose hair even bugs us!! LOL!

I guess the thing that bugs me most is that I try hard to show affection in a multitude of other ways as well. And to be honest probably part of my lack of drive is due to the lack of interest on his part for years, starting when our kids were born and I was a whopping 40 pounds over weight. When I asked him point blank what had happened to our physical relationship he said he was turned off by my fat! That is a comment I've never forgotten, almost 25 years later. So, yes, I do resent the fact that I've worked so hard to finally lose all this weight, he has gone on to gain way more weight (he has always been proportionately heavier than me), and now is express renewed interest. That part of me died, probably in some part to the 'use it or lose it' reality. He also has ED (along with diabetes and gout) and has told me that I'm the only one who can 'cure' it. Do I still love the nut? Yes, but I'd be happy living as partners, holding and hugging, and occasionally more. If I wanted it all the time I'd be a cougar but I'm not. I'm 57 and married to a 60 year old going in 15, and it is NOT what I want! If the 'plumbing' worked on my part (interest and desire) that would be great, but it doesn't. I'm more interested in the freedom of being me! Before anyone jumps in with hormone therapy I also have a brain tumor that expressly prohibits me from taking any form of hormones, which adds to the issue. Ie Does he REALLY put his sexual desire over my health?! He is still on the fence about that one (whether he believes the doctors about the hormone issue). So many things to take in. The tumor is what actually kick started my goal to good health. If I ever need brain surgery to remove this little tag-along I want to be in the best possible shape going in.

Farmgirl, Seems like those cruel words he spoke 25 years ago shaped your marriage. I wish you nothing but the best in getting healthier for yourself and your medical problems. You are a wise woman. God Bless.

Wow. Strong ladies on here! :-)

Tell him you are turned off by his fat now lol...sorry is that mean?!

Yes, it is mean. Be the change that you want to see in this world.

Tell him you are turned off by his fat now lol...sorry is that mean?!

ROFL...Yes, it is mean but I still got a chuckle out of the idea! Too bad I'm too nice to do that to him

Wow & I thought I was alone. I've been with my wife 19yrs. I'm 37yrs old. 4yrs ago I had my RNY at 440lbs, I'm now 210lbs @ 6'2". She recently told me she misses her big teddy bear & no longer finds me attractive because skinny guys don't do it for her. I had the RNY because I lost feeling in my legs and couldn't walk, back surgeons wouldn't touch me due to my weight. I don't knot what to do.

@ 440lbs

Now @ 210lbs with my wife and son ;0)

Wow Frank, I'm so sorry! Maybe she is like my dh, insecure with my new body and missing his eating and drinking pal. Thinking of you!

Wow & I thought I was alone. I've been with my wife 19yrs. I'm 37yrs old. 4yrs ago I had my RNY at 440lbs, I'm now 210lbs @ 6'2". She recently told me she misses her big teddy bear & no longer finds me attractive because skinny guys don't do it for her. I had the RNY because I lost feeling in my legs and couldn't walk, back surgeons wouldn't touch me due to my weight. I don't knot what to do.

:

@ 440lbs

:

Now @ 210lbs with my wife and son ;0)

Wow! You look great! Thanks for sharing your story with us and I hope things work out for the 2 of you.

Give her some time Frank. You are literally unrecognizable and maybe that's where the problem lies. It might also be an option for you both to see a professional to discuss these issues.