Divorce after bariatric surgery

[Superfluous 19]

So, I read a stat today that said that 80% of folks who have had bariatric surgery get divorced within 2 years. I'm wondering if that applies to anyone here.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

I personally think that number is exaggerated....maybe 20%...

[LynRN 294]

80%! That seems outrageous? I think that is a "superfluous" exaggeration.

[LynRN 294]

Unless we're all married to chubby chasers.

[Comfy_Blue 285]

I think that happens moreso in a situation where a person is already unhappily married but stays with their spouse because they are overweight and afraid no one else will want them. For instance, if i had had bariatric surgery while in a relationship with my ex boyfiend we probably would have been divorced after the surgery because losing weight would have increased my confidence to leave his sorry self. (Luckily for me even though i am chunky and was chunkier then, i prefer to be alone then with a man like that who tried to tear me down to build himself up)

I also think couples do better if they discuss the changes that are going to happen before hand and if they are in it together. If one spouse is losing weight and getting healthy while the other is content to br a couch potato and scarf chips, then i can see a divorce.

I'm not speaking from experience because i am still pre opt, just my opinion.

Edited December 12, 2013 by Comfy_Blue

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Superfluous,

I'm still looking for actual research on the subject, but in the meantime here's a good article.

http://seattletimes.com/html/health/2015195540_bari02.html

It stands to reason that a strained or unfulfilling or unmaintained marriage will be stressed further by all the changes that a person who is morbidly obese will go through while and after losing weight.

However, I've read on multiple boards and blogs many wonderful stories about how strong marriages are a tremendous resource for the WLS patient.

But 80% of bariatric surgeries of married patients produce a divorce? I find that very hard to believe on its face.

(Still looking.)

Ann

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Google is your friend.

I found this at http://www.aamft.org/imis15/Content/Consumer_Updates/Bariatric_Surgery.aspx

I didn't find any divorce % numbers, but here's a good excerpt:

How can a family therapist help?

Though this is a medical procedure, the process can be highly emotional, stressful and leave a family with many questions and a need for therapeutic assistance. Marriage and family therapists (MFT) can use their unique training and expertise with couples and families to help bariatric surgery patients navigate challenges before and after surgery. In addition to the physical and behavioral alterations that follow weight loss surgery, personal and family relationships may undergo significant changes as a result of dramatic weight loss.

The families and partners of weight loss surgery patients are heavily impacted by the behavior changes required in order for bariatric surgery to succeed. food shopping, mealtime and even relaxing in front of the family TV can be charged with emotion and difficulty following surgery. Formerly comfortable familial patterns must shift to accommodate healthier habits. Change is often difficult for everyone. Family loyalties, friendships, and marital bonds are tested and sometimes traumatized in the first six to eight months after surgery. Patients report strong interpersonal experiences of anger, embarrassment, and euphoria. An innocent observation from a spouse, friend or co-worker may be experienced as intrusive. A well-meant compliment at home or at work may cause confusion, discomfort and anger for patients.

Divorce rates appear to climb among couples with a bariatric surgery partner, especially in the first year after surgery, as patients may see their partners as less interesting and less social than they remember. Another study noted that partners and friends of bariatric patients sometimes feel abandoned or threatened by their new, thinner friend or partner.

Drastic physical transformations often lead to changes in self- and society perceptions. This may stress the patient’s family and friends, forcing relationships to evolve. Also threatening to partnerships are the new and intense relationships patients often form with others who have had surgery. These relationships hold great importance for patients in the early months after surgery, but recede naturally as patients learn to navigate their own recoveries and their own conflicting feelings about self and others.

Marriages that fail following one partner’s surgery are typically unions that were problematic beforehand. For example, some patients experience physical or emotional abuse in their relationship as a result of their morbid obesity. Strong, healthy relationships are more likely to survive the experience.

Near the end of the first post-operative year, some patients may display an intense and uncharacteristic self-assertiveness. They may explode with strident needs and opinions after years of accommodating and caretaking others. Friends, families and even patients are sometimes shocked at these strange changes in personality and in behavior.

Patients will need guidance and support to develop new, healthy behaviors and activities to replace the core role food has previously played in their lives.

[BKLYNgal87 503]

Beware of dubious statistics and the studies that produce them. Hint: most statistics that come out of the "social science" category are suspect. The utter trash I see in published in psychology and social science journals is pervasive. Only good for lining bird cages.

Edit: I wholly support couples seeking therapy when they need it, for whatever reason they need it. But bariatric surgery is not different from any other big life change that can contribute to divorce.

Edited December 12, 2013 by BKLYNgal87

[Memily 86]

I agree with a statement above regarding that the marriage was not a happy marriage before only because the person stayed in the marriage because that was comfortable with them and their weight.

My husband and I were on the same page we are doing this (he didn't have surgery but is on a diet) to become a healthier family unit. I was skinny when I met my husband but he has stuck with me throughout my weight gain and NEVER commented on my body figure once. I love him with all of my heart.........I couldn't imagine a divorce after this. He is my soul mate and we have a wonderful little family.

I can see how it could be hard if you are married to an extremely unhealthy person after this who continues to make you day to day lifestyle change hard for you. But in that case I think the other person may need to be talked, I know my hubby cheats but he hides all temptation from me. He does this to make my transition easier.