Main Entry: en·abler

Pronunciation: \i-ˈnā-blər, -bəl-ər\

Function: noun Date: 1615:

one that enables another to achieve an end ; especially : one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior

food ADDICTION

Food addiction manifests itself in the uncontrollable craving for excess food that follows the ingestion of refined carbohydrates, primarily sugar and flour substances that are quickly metabolized and turned into sugar in the bloodstream.

Due to those uncontrollable cravings, a food addict's quality of life deteriorates when he or she eats sugar, flour or wheat. It can deteriorate physically, emotionally, socially and/or spiritually.

If any of the following symptoms are familiar to you, you may be a food addict:

Physical Symptoms of Food Addiction

• Do you think you cannot control your intake of food, especially junk food or high sugar foods?

• Have you tried different diets or weight loss programs, but none has worked permanently?

• Have you found yourself vomiting, using laxatives, diuretics, or exercising a lot to avoid a weight gain after you have eaten a lot?

Many food addicts are obese and have tried numerous methods for weight control (diets, drugs, surgery, etc.) yet nothing has created a permanent solution. Other food addicts have never been obese. Their physical weight has been controlled by extreme measures such as excessive exercise, purging through vomiting or laxatives (bulimia), or the severe and unhealthy limiting of food substances(anorexia). No matter which version of food addiction fits you, all of these symptoms become more severe with time and eventually lead to physical problems that can create an early and sometimes painful death.

Emotional Symptoms of Food Addiction

• Do you find yourself feeling depressed, hopeless, sad or ashamed about your eating or your weight?

• Do you find yourself eating when you are upset or reward yourself with food when you do something good?

• Have you ever noticed after eating sugar, flour, or wheat that you become more irritable?

Food addicts notice that their emotions become more severe, intense, or unreasonable when eating the addictive substances. For many food addicts, emotional life may deteriorate into despair, depression, or thoughts of suicide.

Social Symptoms of Food Addiction

• Do you eat in private so no one will see you?

• Do you avoid social interactions because you feel you do not look good enough or do not have the proper fitting clothes to wear?

• Do you steal other people’s food?

• Are you more interested in what food is served at social gatherings than looking forward to the warmth of being with the people attending?

A food addict’s social life is affected by intense obsessive thinking about food. Making eye contact with people and taking an interest in developing friendships or intimate relationships become secondary to locating and eating addictive foods. Food addicts often hide or steal foods and eat in secret.

I am finding this thread to be most thought provoking.

I hope it helps some enablers too.

I mean theres no shame in it to some extent. We were raised to think food is love, and feeding is nurturing, and tough love is no love. To have to go against that is part of our post-sleeve training as well.

I SO want to tell my husband not to lose too much weight. Yes me! the one who knows weight loss is a personal journey. It's so hard for me to not want to feed him constantly. I still sometimes struggle to find ways to Celebrate that don't involve food.

And when people are upset and beating themselves up, we all so want to be comforting and helpful and to make them feel better about themselves by saying "it's not that bad".

This is all different to how we were raised to show and express love.

To me the most harmful part of those threads is the way people say they were "naughty" or "bad" or "a rebel", but they wear it like a badge of honor. They aren't really ashamed and they aren't really going to change their behavior. They treat it like its cute or funny. It's not cute or funny. It's life or death and that's why we had a drastic surgery and permanently changed our anatomy. This is serious stuff and is so much more important than chewing up a Doritos and spitting it out.

Edited November 4, 201312 yr by mistysj

My NUT tells me that it is ok to "taste", and to use portion control and eat in moderation. That

sounds fine, but if I could eat in moderation, I wouldn't have ended up where I did. I tell her

that I am a food addict and there are certain foods I just choose not to eat because I know

that instead of being satisfied with a bite or two, I will just want more and more. I understand

what she is saying, that there should be no "forbidden foods", but I know myself and I am

afraid It seems that a lot of you veterans have figured out what works for you, and you choose to eat healthy and avoid junk. This is my goal too.

Any thoughts on this? I really value your input. d.

My NUT tells me that it is ok to "taste", and to use portion control and eat in moderation. That

sounds fine, but if I could eat in moderation, I wouldn't have ended up where I did. I tell her

that I am a food addict and there are certain foods I just choose not to eat because I know

that instead of being satisfied with a bite or two, I will just want more and more. I understand

what she is saying, that there should be no "forbidden foods", but I know myself and I am

afraid It seems that a lot of you veterans have figured out what works for you, and you choose to eat healthy and avoid junk. This is my goal too.

Any thoughts on this? I really value your input. d.

For me personally, the key is keeping the trigger foods out of the house.

Nearly as important, i don't stop to grab food at convenience places. So, lets use an old trigger food - ice cream. Don't buy it at the grocery and don't buy it at costco food court just don't stop at an ice cream place. I don't consider it a foribben food - I have had it a few times since being sleeved - but I consider it a rare occasion food. I guess it helps that I can barely tolerate ice cream these days - tends to make me a bit sick - I suppose I am not used to all that sugar and fat.

Anyway, same basic approach applies to all my trigger foods - I don't say "never" but they are under close watch and not allowed to get to out of hand...

Very thought provoking thread, I agree. I actually had a nightmare the other night that I kept eating crap and slider foods and couldn't stop and failed my sleeve. I tell you, that dream was very vivid. I've lost weight many times, but it always came back. That's the future I fear. I also worry about people with 50 lbs. to lose that get mad when we explain it's not all roses. They don't want to hear it, and that's their prerogative, but it makes me sad.

To me the most harmful part of those threads is the way people say they were "naughty" or "bad" or "a rebel"' date=' but they wear it like a badge of honor. They aren't really ashamed and they aren't really going to change their behavior. They treat it like its cute or funny. It's not cute or funny. It's life or death and that's why we had a drastic surgery and permanently changed our anatomy. This is serious stuff and is so much more important than chewing up a Doritos and spitting it out.[/quote']

^^^^this, in a nutshell. It's not cute it's not funny it's dangerous.

Well I'm a little late to the party, but I know I'm a food addict. It's why certain foods are not welcome in my house. I'm squarely in the never say never camp, but I control problem foods with a very tight leash by not buying them, and making them very occasional treats. I also weigh daily to keep overrating in check.

After years on this group, I have to admit that I ignore most threads where people are bragging about how they progress their diets too fast. I do reply to threads asking about what we can eat eventually and how much.

And I also struggle with how I look on some days. But on most days, I'm happy with what I see.

Lynda

Thanks for starting this thread Laura... I realize now how out of control I was with food. I ate socially without any hesitation, always the first one finished & also binged in private. Bought the high calorie/carb foods then felt guilty, then would hide them only to eat them all after everyone was in bed. Sick, really.

Last night we had a birthday party for my son & niece. Everyone always asks for this artichoke dip that I make. There was a bunch of it left but the kids ate all the crackers so my husband suggested that we just throw away the rest. Well, I was not going to have that even though I knew no one, including me would eat it. It was like I was having separation anxiety. I kind of feel the same way when I throw away food, like my son's half eaten grilled cheese sandwich. Never even thought twice about eating what was left on their plates. I also notice now that I am aware of eating slowly, how quickly my husband & my two boys eat. I find myself astonished at how they haven't swallowed their food before they eat another forkful.. Never really noticed before. Hoping that my new slow pace has a positive influence. I am so grateful for this surgery - it's really forced me to be aware, to recognize my food addiction and it's effect on my family, and I'm grateful to finally be gaining control of my relationship with food.

Well I'm a little late to the party' date=' but I know I'm a food addict. It's why certain foods are not welcome in my house. I'm squarely in the never say never camp, but I control problem foods with a very tight leash by not buying them, and making them very occasional treats. I also weigh daily to keep overrating in check. After years on this group, I have to admit that I ignore most threads where people are bragging about how they progress their diets too fast. I do reply to threads asking about what we can eat eventually and how much. And I also struggle with how I look on some days. But on most days, I'm happy with what I see. Lynda[/quote']

I've thought about ignoring them to (the threads) and I'm getting weary enough that I just might start.. It's a losing battle. Sometimes I jump in because I want to help the person even though they and the others don't want it.

But other times I want to jump in for any future readers, so the see multiple views on the subject.

But hey who am I right?

Sometimes I just call them out and then theres so many who back the op so I just give up.

I've thought about ignoring them to (the threads) and I'm getting weary enough that I just might start.. It's a losing battle. Sometimes I jump in because I want to help the person even though they and the others don't want it.

But other times I want to jump in for any future readers, so the see multiple views on the subject.

But hey who am I right?

You are a leader here, so you should do what you think is best.

For me, it's too much effort for not enough return. Someone else usually pops in (not just you Laura-Ven!) saying something about their bad decision. And I don't think people really spend a lot of time looking through old threads because they are constantly asking the same questions.

As a longer term vet, I prefer to mostly answer questions and comment about life 1+ post op. There are plenty of people commenting about earlier issues. You rarely see people 1+ years out who are eating whatever they want and searching for ways to stuff more food in because if they continue that behavior, they are regaining weight and they disappear from the group.

Lynda

So true about the constant.. It's becoming like trying to sick a finger in a dyke just to discover 50 more holes.. (No jokes butter )

But Laura, don't you think it would be okay if I had a cheeseburger? Just a small one?

I've got a sad story about enabling. It starts with my FIL...as most sad stories do. He's an 80 year old, rural, southern baptist preacher. And he strongly believes that overeating is a sin. My MIL is overweight so he hasn't missed a day in the last 50 years to make a snarky remark about her weight. My wife and her 2 sisters listened to these remarks everyday of their lives so it's no wonder they all have exercise/eating/body image issues.

Ironically, my FIL who is obesity biased, has a sheltie that is grossly overweight. It is 5 years old and can barely walk. I think it weights 75 pounds.....that's massive for a sheltie. The reason is....my in laws live a very traditional country life which includes 3 home cooked meals a day. And each of these meals usually contains something fried, something starchy and the main course is usually gravy. And the dog gets a plate full at each meal. He doesn't eat dog food. Plus, every time my FIL goes anywhere near the kitchen the dog gets a piece or 2 of bologna. And the topper is, twice a week FIL makes a whole pan of cinnamon rolls, complete with icing, which he hands out to the dog as treats.

Finally the vet got fed up and accused my FIL of animal cruelty. She forced him to put the dog on low cal dog food and no more human food. This worked for about a month and the dog lost weight and started to regain some of the pep in his step. Unfortunately, after about a month the FIL gave in and went back to feeding the dog the way he always had. His reasoning was he couldn't bare to see the dog unhappy. I couldn't make this **** up.

So here's my FIL....a highly educated, spiritual, principled, moral man (albeit misguided) who is basically killing his dog with junk food because he thinks it makes him happy. Obviously the dog returns his efforts with unconditional love. What dog wouldn't? But the bottom line is the FIL is clearly having some need for unconditional love met by feeding this dog anything and everything. Obviously the dog is going to eat whatever is given him. He can't make the choice to watch what he eats. But my FIL knows better....and in spite of his obesity bias in humans, thinks it's ok to make his dog obese because it's making them both happy.

Unreasonable.

But it got me thinking.....my grandmother would have been the same age as him. And she fed me the same way when I was a kid. Basically I could have anything I wanted, and it usually started with biscuits and ended with pie. And of course I loved her dearly. Why not? She never said no to me. But I'm wondering was she also fulfilling some need to be loved by her young grandson...the same way my FIL is doing with the dog? And I'm wondering do parents do this today with their kids? Or was it just that older generation? Is this why childhood obesity is so high? Parents equating happily fed kids with loving kids? But also setting them up for a lifetime for obesity?