Main Entry: en·abler

Pronunciation: \i-ˈnā-blər, -bəl-ər\

Function: noun Date: 1615:

one that enables another to achieve an end ; especially : one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior

food ADDICTION

Food addiction manifests itself in the uncontrollable craving for excess food that follows the ingestion of refined carbohydrates, primarily sugar and flour substances that are quickly metabolized and turned into sugar in the bloodstream.

Due to those uncontrollable cravings, a food addict's quality of life deteriorates when he or she eats sugar, flour or wheat. It can deteriorate physically, emotionally, socially and/or spiritually.

If any of the following symptoms are familiar to you, you may be a food addict:

Physical Symptoms of Food Addiction

• Do you think you cannot control your intake of food, especially junk food or high sugar foods?

• Have you tried different diets or weight loss programs, but none has worked permanently?

• Have you found yourself vomiting, using laxatives, diuretics, or exercising a lot to avoid a weight gain after you have eaten a lot?

Many food addicts are obese and have tried numerous methods for weight control (diets, drugs, surgery, etc.) yet nothing has created a permanent solution. Other food addicts have never been obese. Their physical weight has been controlled by extreme measures such as excessive exercise, purging through vomiting or laxatives (bulimia), or the severe and unhealthy limiting of food substances(anorexia). No matter which version of food addiction fits you, all of these symptoms become more severe with time and eventually lead to physical problems that can create an early and sometimes painful death.

Emotional Symptoms of Food Addiction

• Do you find yourself feeling depressed, hopeless, sad or ashamed about your eating or your weight?

• Do you find yourself eating when you are upset or reward yourself with food when you do something good?

• Have you ever noticed after eating sugar, flour, or wheat that you become more irritable?

Food addicts notice that their emotions become more severe, intense, or unreasonable when eating the addictive substances. For many food addicts, emotional life may deteriorate into despair, depression, or thoughts of suicide.

Social Symptoms of Food Addiction

• Do you eat in private so no one will see you?

• Do you avoid social interactions because you feel you do not look good enough or do not have the proper fitting clothes to wear?

• Do you steal other people’s food?

• Are you more interested in what food is served at social gatherings than looking forward to the warmth of being with the people attending?

A food addict’s social life is affected by intense obsessive thinking about food. Making eye contact with people and taking an interest in developing friendships or intimate relationships become secondary to locating and eating addictive foods. Food addicts often hide or steal foods and eat in secret.

Anyway' date=' this weight loss journey is a challenge. None of us vets got to the current "headspace" overnight and along the way, we saw alot of people NOT reach a healthy weight and feel disappointment over that. It is easy to come across very strident about these things we feel passion over and just cringe at all the happy backslapping over all the great stuf that a sleever "can eat". In the end, each person has to make the choice themselves (do I eat it because I CAN or becuase it's what my body needs) and I sometimes wonder if trying to share insights from the school of hard knocks actually helps anybody at all.[/quote']

It DOES help. It really, truly does. I am not very far out (<6 months) and I can tell you that I depend on your insight - along with several other vets. Not only have you lived it, you have seen enough trends (and posters) on these boards to have a good idea where situations lead. I read threads a lot based on the subject and find that I veer towards the vets forum a lot. Why? I want to know what I am facing. Not today, or six months from now - but 1, ,2 or 5 or 6 years from now. It's invaluable. The very fact that the forum vets don't enable destructive behavior, while still taking the time to respond to the posts, sets an example to the rest of us.

Sent from my iPad using VST

food addict reporting for duty. I find the closer I get to goal the more I see how easy it is to let those behaviors reemerge. I don't know if it is fear of getting to goal and then what? As an addict' date=' once I start on a trigger food all control goes out the window. That's why there can't be certain foods in my house. I imagine it is like telling and alcoholic one sip is ok. Where I am currently challenged is that my addiction is always seeking a new outlet, a food that held no power over me one day like Cookies (I'm a crackers/chips kind of girl) can suddenly become my drug of choice. I am already dreading this week a bit as I must do what all addicts do and go cold turkey. Today, I am getting all of the Halloween treats out if the house and pushing Water. I've got 2 carb-bloat pounds that I need to get off from a week of feeding the addiction.[/quote']

Erp yes! I'm feeling the same way! Years of therapy, gastric sleeve surgery these new habits should be ingrained! But now that I'm closer to goal it seems like it's getting mentally harder.

One chip is never just one chip for me..

Very interesting thread. I think I was physically addicted to simple carbs and sugar' date=' but I don't have the emotional dependence you list and I didn't eat in secret. I also rarely binged. But I did eat uncontrollable amounts of carbs, especially toward the end. The enabling on this forum terrifies me and makes me sad. I have to stay away from threads that encourage cheating. I have to stop reading and unsubscribe from threads that go on to talking about food that I'm trying really hard not to eat. I am afraid reading about donuts and cake and Cookies will tempt me to remember how good those tasted, and before you know it, I'll be found face first in a cake. I realize this isn't a problem for others. It's MY problem and I have to deal with it on my own. I'm not saying others shouldn't post in jest about forbidden foods. I'm just saying I can't read those threads because they trigger my cravings. But the threads that actively ENCOURAGE going off the plan especially for pre-ops or recently sleeved? Those just make me angry. I don't like feeling angry because that means I am being judgmental and I don't want to be judgmental. They infuriate me and scare me. Doing something unsafe or self-destructive and then seeking absolution? And getting it? I don't think that's a good role for a SUPPORT forum to play. Supportive is saying, yes we all make mistakes, now get back on the plan. If your version of support is to say "honey it's okay, I do it too", that's not support, that's enablement. I totally get that I sound very definitive and judgmental in this post. I know that it will anger some people and I will apologize in advance. Please know that the context of the post is simply sharing what *I* struggle with, not my version of saying "here's what YOU are doing wrong". I struggle with posts talking about food I should not be eating. I struggle when we enable addicts. I struggle when we grant absolution for what is physically dangerous behavior that could lead to leaks and complications. I struggle when we tell people to ignore their doctors pre-op diets because someone didn't have that diet. I struggle when we tell a newly-sleeved person it's okay to have a taco on day 3 "because I did and nothing bad happened." Fortunately I have the option to just not read those threads and/or to not visit the forum on the days those threads seem to be everywhere. Even more fortunately, I'm grateful for all the truly supportive, encouraging, loving posts on here that have made this forum a significant part of my life right now. Thanks for reading my long ramble [/quote']

GG

You and I are on the same page with this.....

These "harmless" threads at some point take a dark turn and I want to scream!

But when I say something I get told "oh none of that here! This is a fun no judgement thread."

I want to say....

Yes it's ok to have a "treat" or not "deny" yourself if what you want. But what about the others posting in this thread that one right there that is two days out engaging is self destructive dangerous behavior. Or this one that is in pain...

Or this one that can't stop. Or yes this one about to be sleeved and thinks YES! I can continue on the same path as before because the sleeve will save me.

Or people like me... That start thinking well ok maybe just one chip...

One of the reasons I have found GG's posts so interesting is that she is going through this with her husband. I don't feel like I have deep-seated behavior issues around food although I am SURE I am going to find out whether that's really true.

One of the reasons I didn't jump right in the pool and post was that I was also a little freaked out when lurking during my pre-op, when people would post about ignoring the instructions completely or saying it was too hard. Like, not…"I took a few bites of dinner" but "I went to the drive through and ordered a 20 piece McNugget" ignoring it. Yeah, it's hard and it's a pain. I'm still on Clear liquids and I feel like I have strained every broth I can. I wondered if I could find or offer support when I was being all judgy on my own.

My heart goes out to the people who get so triggered by food. But I know I'm not far enough along to mess with the program. Maybe I'll think some of the "dirty secrets" stuff is funny down the line, I don't know. I kind of doubt it.

Laura you have inspired, educated, and amused me so much! I just read your post on sliders and realized a sneaky slider that had crept into my life- reduced fat wheat thins! Your post on enabling and food addiction hit the mark also. I binged and starved and exercised for 3 decades, sometimes maintaining goal weight for a year by indulging other addictions such as sex, other times reaching goal then immediately binging out of control! I was sleeved 9/11/13 and an SO THANKFUL to have the food restriction that does not allow me to binge. I finally feel relaxed around food. My rationalization and food demons are beaten back to a controllable level. Every day I come on here and read to stay aware and awake in my new habits and realizations. You, Butterpants, Gamergirl and Lipstick Lady (I want to be a pretty pretty princess!) are gurus. Thank you.

One of the reasons I have found GG's posts so interesting is that she is going through this with her husband. I don't feel like I have deep-seated behavior issues around food although I am SURE I am going to find out whether that's really true. One of the reasons I didn't jump right in the pool and post was that I was also a little freaked out when lurking during my pre-op' date=' when people would post about ignoring the instructions completely or saying it was too hard. Like, not…"I took a few bites of dinner" but "I went to the drive through and ordered a 20 piece McNugget" ignoring it. Yeah, it's hard and it's a pain. I'm still on clear liquids and I feel like I have strained every broth I can. I wondered if I could find or offer support when I was being all judgy on my own. My heart goes out to the people who get so triggered by food. But I know I'm not far enough along to mess with the program. Maybe I'll think some of the "dirty secrets" stuff is funny down the line, I don't know. I kind of doubt it.[/quote']

I could relate to the differences between you and your husband. Mine too will eat it if he can see it. I don't have that issue. But I pretty much can't have treats in the pantry for the kids because my husband will eat them. We've had to store their candy or treats in their room which I hate! Bugs! Ants! Ugh.

But pre-sleeve, he couldn't control himself. Now, we just don't test him by leaving it around.

But here's a really good motivator to stick to plan. If I go off plan? It gives my husband permission to go off plan, and vice versa. So we know that if one of us goes down, we take the other one down with us. And that's not something either of us is willing to do. Funny how we do things for those we love that we struggle to do for ourselves. So it really, really helps to be sleeved together.

Btw, not saying this will happen to you, but I was sure I didn't have an eating problem. In the last 3 months since being sleeved, I've realized that I was, without a doubt, a sugar/carb addict.

Sometimes we have to stop our destructive habits BEFORE we can understand why we have them, not the other way around.

Oops I meant Butterthebean lol, also cowgirl Jane ( I am obsessed with reading about plastics!) and all of you who share your journey honestly and with an open mind.

• Are you more interested in what food is served at social gatherings than looking forward to the warmth of being with the people attending?

THIS WAS ME!!!!

I've talked about this before on the forum. It is changing now, thanks to good advice from people here on the board.

So a couple of things I've learned on my pre-op diet...

1. I am a sneaky eater - I would eat when my husband and son would go somewhere. I would tell them I couldn't go with them because I had work to do or something around the house. Then I would eat.

2. I ate a lot out of boredom.

I didn't realize the extent of either behavior until I started the pre-op diet and I'm not able to eat. It's really disturbing. But, I'm glad I'm going thru this - it is hard, really hard, but I know I'm getting better, not perfect, better.

• Are you more interested in what food is served at social gatherings than looking forward to the warmth of being with the people attending? THIS WAS ME!!!! I've talked about this before on the forum. It is changing now' date=' thanks to good advice from people here on the board.[/quote']

For the most part I experienced shame in public eating and didn't like social food events because I would "starve" and binge when I got home..

With the exception of one friend though..

She threw (actually still throws) parties that are more like an hedonistic food orgy. I loved, loved going and eating there... But it was because we were all obese. She is super morbidly obese.

I am for the most part...

• Do you eat in private so no one will see you?

• Do you avoid social interactions because you feel you do not look good enough or do not have the proper fitting clothes to wear?

• Do you steal other people’s food?

Butterpants!

I would say no thank you to so I could stay home so I could eat too..

Omg! Thank you for this post Laura!

I was hit with this today. I always knew it, but hadn't really dealt with it so head on.

My husband left this morning with our kids to run to the store. Soon as they left, I felt that sudden urge inside me..and I looked at the kitchen and thought...

"Old me would've ran in there, had two pieces of pizza, some chicken rings and then had a bunch of Halloween candy for desert."

All simply because they were gone. It would make me feel so good too..for about 15-30 minutes.

Yesterday I treated my kids to burger king playland. I got my kicks off just looking an smelling at it. Old me would've eaten everything my kids didn't eat, along with my own meal.

I've been in therapy for 8 years..and was just sleeved back on the 22nd. I've come a long long way from where I was 8 years ago, but I will always be a food addict in recovery.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I just might have a good shot at getting the upper hand in this addiction. I will always need to be on alert tho, and I'm aware of that.

One chip, slice, taste is never enough for this chic either. Never will be.

Oops I meant Butterthebean lol' date=' also cowgirl Jane ( I am obsessed with reading about plastics!) and all of you who share your journey honestly and with an open mind.[/quote']

By the way I liked when you called him butterpants

He can be like a sponge bob character..

Patrick butterpants

By the way I liked when you called him butterpants He can be like a sponge bob character.. Patrick butterpants

Oh lord. Butterpants! Where's the toast?

OK now I have a visual from "Last Tango in Paris", dang sexual addiction!