My date is November 15. I haven't told a soul except my husband. I just can't bring myself to discuss it. I am afraid of offending close friends and family by not telling them but I just haven't been able to.

You're not alone. Almost all of us have confilcting feelings about who or if to share the news with.

Here's my take on it.

To tell or not tell

My date is November 15. I haven't told a soul except my husband. I just can't bring myself to discuss it. I am afraid of offending close friends and family by not telling them but I just haven't been able to.

You're not alone. Almost all of us have confilcting feelings about who or if to share the news with.

Here's my take on it.

To tell or not tell

Hey Tiki, I was the same, I told my work collegues and close friends I needed to have a hernia repair done. When I finally told them of the VSG I was overwhelmed with the support I got. I have some friends who are into gym 24/7 and my fear was that they would judge me as lazy etc. I have yo-yoed diet for years. Bordering on type 2 diabetes is what stopped the diets and made me go for this. I had surgery 5 days ago. I have not regretted it. I even told my partner to not say anything so he was quite shocked when I just blurted out that I was having the surgery to family and friends. In your own time you will feel comfortable to tell a friend...........

Hi Tiki, I have only told a very, very small handful of people in my life: my husband, daughter, brother, and two best friends. When I discussed even *possibly* having the surgery with others, I was inundated with horror stories about stomach problems and loose skin! After that I decided that post-surgery I won't lie to people, but I won't go out of my way to share, either. Hope this helps. Best of luck with your surgery!

I know how you feel. My family knows and one close friend at work, but I feel like since weight will start to fall off after surgery that I'll need to tell my coworkers because I don't want to lie about it. I just don't really know how to bring up the topic...I have a feeling that I wont tell until I get ready to go in for surgery. I have a feeling they will be supportive, but most are guys so realistically most of them wont even care!!

Handle it the way that works best for you. To tell or not to tell is as personal as it gets. If and when you are ready to discuss it with others then do, otherwise do what works for you. Having this surgery is not the easy way out as some will say so you will need all the strength you can muster so do not feel like you owe anyone anything up to and including having to explain your actions or your personal medical history. You can't "un tell" once you have.

For me personally, it is just really a personal thing for me. My husband and one of our sons know and the son only knows because he needed to move back in for a short time when I was just about to have my surgery. I have never discussed my medical procedures or history with anyone, it's just who I am.

And before people jump in with the "I'm not ashamed" thing, neither am I and I don't think most are. For some people, its just personal.

It's not a lie if you choose to keep it private and most of us don't feel like we have to be a walking advertisement for WLS.

While we may all be on the same weight loss journey, everyone's path is different.

Good luck to you however you choose, it's your journey and you should do the way that works for you. If there is one time in your life to put yourself first, this is it.

I'm not ashamed but as of right now I've only told my husband. I handle it just like I handle any other medical issue I have - I'm not one to tell the world my business, health-related or otherwise. Plus, I don't feel like hearing people tell me their horror stories about a friend of a friend of a friend's experience with WLS.

After the surgery I have no issue telling people if I'm asked but until that point I just plan to me my normal self and not blather on about my health issues. I didn't tell people about my high cholesterol, HBP, and prediabetic diagnoses - and I don't plan on advertising what I'm doing to get rid of them either.

I totally understand your keeping it a secret, because I did at first. Then I started telling people and I feel like people started coming out of everywhere telling me about people that were super successful with it and they were really excited.

It's awesome to have online support, but it's really cool to have your friends and family in your corner rooting you on to succeed. Just ease into it, but don't keep it a secret. It builds confidence and brings support

Ultimately it's your call and there's no right answer. I chose to only tell my parents, my kids and my best friend. I made my husband swear not to tell his mother because she spoke very harshly about a friend who had the lap band. Who needs that negative energy. I told a few coworkers that I was considering it and they were very negative and critical. So I never brought it up again. But a lot of people have had positive experiences. The few people I did tell have been tremendously supportive so that's been good. For me, I lose weight very slowly so I didn't have people thinking wow how'd she lose it so fast.

Really I think it's a personal thing. I didn't even tell my siblings and to this day neither of them have even commented on my weight loss so they really didn't need to know.

I told my husband and my kids, they were very supportive .... I told a coworker, who told me I was taking the easy way out....NOT!

My family members act like they don't see a difference after a loss of 36 lbs.

Be careful who you share this with, not ALL are supportive.

The decision to move forward with your surgery is the best thing ever. I love what I see everyday.

Good luck!

I told my husband who is very supportive but a little uninformed. He thinks I will still be eating mashed potatoes after surgery because its soft food. I also told my close friends/co-workers and it was a mixed reception. One was all horror stories and the other two were supportive but not really believing that I would follow through. I have not and will not be telling my children or parents. My kids are teenagers and not the most accepting of change. Every time I go on a diet or try to eat healthier, I have several of them asking for sweets or baked goods or just all out complaining that they hate it when I "diet". My parents will not be supportive. I broached the subject of a mutual friend having bariatric surgery and their response was that she was "just too weak to lose it on her own". Sometimes I feel like it is easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

The only people I told was my husband, mother, and best friend. I have not spoken about it with the rest of my family or coworkers. I do plan on telling my family as my surgery date gets closer. However, I don't want to say anything to my coworkers because they are very judgmental and critical. I don't like to lie, so I might tell them after the fact but I definitely will not say anything before.

This is such a personal and important decision to make. At first, I told my sister and my parents. I decided as I made the final decision to start this journey, I would tell my closest friends, which was 3 people. I am a nurse, and work with some great ladies and physicians. I decided because they see me the most out of anyone, we eat together, go out together, I would need their support and inspiration when things got tough. I decided to tell them. So my sister, parents, 3 closest friends and about 10 people at work know. I feel I needed the support, and needed people to help me stay accountable to my goals. That being said, there is no one else I feel I need to tell. I have other friends I am not as close with, who I don't feel need to know. I am sure people will question it when I start losing fast, after many many years of dieting and exercise programs. They can guess all they want, but in the end I am not comfortable with some people knowing who will judge me or have an opinion. Whatever feels right, do it. If you only want your husband to know, then that is what will work for you!

We should not have to put this much energy into "too tell or not too tell". Most of us have lived our whole lives making decisions based upon how we think others will react. For me, its time for all of that too stop. I'm 40, a wife, a mother, a four year cancer survivor, overweight with health issues and trying to reteach myself the right way to eat and live. That's enough on my, now smaller, plate. I have told my immediate family. I also told my short list of friends and associates that I see on regular basis. For me I would hope that they first of all would respect my decision. I also don't want anyone freaking out and thinking that I'm losing weight because my cancer is back. (God forbid) When it comes down to it I'll tell anyone who ask. If by sharing my journey touches one person and it help them then its worth it. For anyone I come across who has an issue with my having surgery to get healthy. They can join the "Whatever" list that I've had since I was the husky girl in elementary school.

When I had my surgery, My husband and only a very FEW knew, I even kept if from MY family as I did not WANT TO HEAR: WHY did you DO THAT! Still after 2 years very few people know what I did, when people see me eat, I say l am a very picky eater and eat very little. ( my dad was the same way, he was just BORN with it. I needed HELP!.) Tell who YOU want to tell, leave the others guessing, you owe them no explanation!!!!!! Best of luck to you!