"My perfect self"...am I ready for this!?!

[ksprite0305 5]

I'm new here and this is my first post. My husband suggested I reach out and talk to the people who know best (I think he was referring to health care professionals....but if you want the nitty gritty, you have to go to the people who REALLY know!) I am a military wife and am moving right along with the steps to the surgery. My husband was/is very supportive about this decision. My mother is not, but she keeps quiet ( I think it's more out of fear because I am her only daughter and the youngest and besides....Mamma's don't like their babies having the majority of one of their organs removed!) My best friend (and Im not talking about someone I've known for like a year or two, I mean attached at the hip for the last 15 years type of best friend) she is definitely NOT in support of this decision. More on all this at a later post. I wonder if I'm taking this SERIOUSLY. I know all about the hard work, the ups and downs and the losing and regaining, the slowly not being able to fit into those FANTASTIC jeans that you loved so much and were soooo proud of when you could finally get down to the size to fit them but as you gain weight they just get a little tighter and tighter until they also go into that stock pile of "my skinny" clothes that lurk in the back of the closet. BELIEVE ME, I KNOW!!!! I have battled my weight as far back as I can remember. I remember the elementary school wanting to put me on a "suggested" diet in the 2nd grade and me going on my first "official" diet when I was 12.......18 years later....here I am!!! Ok. So what I'm getting at is that I'm no stranger to being overweight, losing it, and putting it right back on.....but when I think about my stomach being "mostly" cut out.....I don't really feel anything. No jitters or butterflies.......almost like it's not real. The hard work does not frighten me. The pain that comes with the surgery does not frighten me. My eye is on the prize. I imagine my perfect self (and in this order.....a little vain, but come on, you've done it too) 1. Wearing a very fashionable, classy, and slimming outfit that becomes me so I can show myself off...you know, the kind that turn a few heads and gets u a little attention 2. Jogging the neighborhood with my husband and keeping up with him (and yes I'm talking about one of them "commercial" jogs. You know the ones where you are just trotting along, not out of breath and smiling, waving at the neighbors.....and nothing is jiggling that shouldn't be jiggling) and 3. playing in the front yard with my future kid. I mean REALLY playing and not sitting on the front steps and just watching the action. That's me. My perfect self. It's far fetched I know. Real world is that heavy or not, 1. the perfect outfit is out there its just by the time I put it all together I'm super late for whatever I'm wearing it for, my husband is aggravated and cussing and it usually rains during all my special occasions and my hair frizzes 2. Anybody who is jogging, smiling and waving at the same time deserves to be run over. 3. I know the future kid is out there, but get real. There has to be a reason that I am 30 years old and only own two dogs...right.....right? So, is this real? Are there other pre-stomachless people out there who feel the same as me? Undaunted by surgery, the risks, and "THE DIET OF ALL DIETS" and living in some la-la land dreaming about my perfect self??

[gomekast 559]

I sooo do! But I have the kids now. I laughed and nodded yep to your post. It's exactly what I've been feeling and thinking for months now.

I'd like to join you guys for that commercial jog ok?!

[LI Gemini NY 607]

I'm new here and this is my first post. My husband suggested I reach out and talk to the people who know best (I think he was referring to health care professionals....but if you want the nitty gritty' date=' you have to go to the people who REALLY know!) I am a military wife and am moving right along with the steps to the surgery. My husband was/is very supportive about this decision. My mother is not, but she keeps quiet ( I think it's more out of fear because I am her only daughter and the youngest and besides....Mamma's don't like their babies having the majority of one of their organs removed!) My best friend (and Im not talking about someone I've known for like a year or two, I mean attached at the hip for the last 15 years type of best friend) she is definitely NOT in support of this decision. More on all this at a later post. I wonder if I'm taking this SERIOUSLY. I know all about the hard work, the ups and downs and the losing and regaining, the slowly not being able to fit into those FANTASTIC jeans that you loved so much and were soooo proud of when you could finally get down to the size to fit them but as you gain weight they just get a little tighter and tighter until they also go into that stock pile of "my skinny" clothes that lurk in the back of the closet. BELIEVE ME, I KNOW!!!! I have battled my weight as far back as I can remember. I remember the elementary school wanting to put me on a "suggested" diet in the 2nd grade and me going on my first "official" diet when I was 12.......18 years later....here I am!!! Ok. So what I'm getting at is that I'm no stranger to being overweight, losing it, and putting it right back on.....but when I think about my stomach being "mostly" cut out.....I don't really feel anything. No jitters or butterflies.......almost like it's not real. The hard work does not frighten me. The pain that comes with the surgery does not frighten me. My eye is on the prize. I imagine my perfect self (and in this order.....a little vain, but come on, you've done it too) 1. Wearing a very fashionable, classy, and slimming outfit that becomes me so I can show myself off...you know, the kind that turn a few heads and gets u a little attention 2. Jogging the neighborhood with my husband and keeping up with him (and yes I'm talking about one of them "commercial" jogs. You know the ones where you are just trotting along, not out of breath and smiling, waving at the neighbors.....and nothing is jiggling that shouldn't be jiggling) and 3. playing in the front yard with my future kid. I mean REALLY playing and not sitting on the front steps and just watching the action. That's me. My perfect self. It's far fetched I know. Real world is that heavy or not, 1. the perfect outfit is out there its just by the time I put it all together I'm super late for whatever I'm wearing it for, my husband is aggravated and cussing and it usually rains during all my special occasions and my hair frizzes 2. Anybody who is jogging, smiling and waving at the same time deserves to be run over. 3. I know the future kid is out there, but get real. There has to be a reason that I am 30 years old and only own two dogs...right.....right? So, is this real? Are there other pre-stomachless people out there who feel the same as me? Undaunted by surgery, the risks, and "THE DIET OF ALL DIETS" and living in some la-la land dreaming about my perfect self??[/quote']

I don't think being smaller would make you perfect...

[gomekast 559]

I also have my perfect outfit NAILED to my bedroom wall! It's on hangers of course, but I look at it each day.

This past weekend I started out a sentence to my husband with.."when I'm hot next year..."

You get the idea. He just smiled and looked at me and chuckled!

[No game 14,436]

“If you look for perfection, you'll never be content.” ― Leo Tolstoy

''Finality is death. Perfection is finality. Nothing is perfect. There are lumps in it,'' said the Philosopher. James Stephens

[ksprite0305 5]

I don't think being smaller would make you perfect...

You are absolutely right LI Gemini NY! Being smaller would not make me perfect......what? with this foul temper of mine!?!...it would take A LOT more than a surgery to get me there. The fact is I'm far from perfect, as are most people. And that is the main reason for my post. Like I said, I have lost and regained and experienced the highs and lows....so I know what is coming. The surgery is not the perfect fix. I have to do the work to get the results....to get that "perfect self"......and I feel that the risks and the work should be at the forefront of my mind. This is serious!!!!! This is going to be sooooo hard!!!..... BUT, its not. I feel like my mind is kind of skipping a step and going for the gold. It's skipping right to the things that I would be able to do....the things that I think and dream about doing all the time ( and yes, I would have to be smaller to make those things a reality for me) and that is why I am concerned. Is this a sign that I'm not that serious about the surgery....or not ready for it?

[ksprite0305 5]

I also have my perfect outfit NAILED to my bedroom wall! It's on hangers of course, but I look at it each day.

This past weekend I started out a sentence to my husband with.."when I'm hot next year..."

You get the idea. He just smiled and looked at me and chuckled!

LOL! Yeah you get my drift! Lets go for our "commercial" run but lets pretend that we are wearing our "perfect" outfits while we do it! That will get us closer to perfection! I'm very open about this stuff you know? I refuse to believe that there is a single soul out there who is like "I just want to be healthy".....and nothing else?.......not a single little something else? Of course! I want to be healthy. I don't want diabetes like my father's entire side of the family, but I want to like what I see in the mirror too!!! Give me a tank top and let me rock it for once with some confidence!! That's all I'm saying. I don't have any famous people quotes to add to this

[gomekast 559]

You are absolutely right LI Gemini NY! Being smaller would not make me perfect......what? with this foul temper of mine!?!...it would take A LOT more than a surgery to get me there. The fact is I'm far from perfect' date=' as are most people. And that is the main reason for my post. Like I said, I have lost and regained and experienced the highs and lows....so I know what is coming. The surgery is not the perfect fix. I have to do the work to get the results....to get that "perfect self"......and I feel that the risks and the work should be at the forefront of my mind. This is serious!!!!! This is going to be sooooo hard!!!..... BUT, its not. I feel like my mind is kind of skipping a step and going for the gold. It's skipping right to the things that I would be able to do....the things that I think and dream about doing all the time ( and yes, I would have to be smaller to make those things a reality for me) and that is why I am concerned. Is this a sign that I'm not that serious about the surgery....or not ready for it?[/quote']

I talked to my therapist about this last week. She laughed and said, "honey, it's partially why I know you'll do great with this surgery!"

And she used to do the psyc evals for a different hospital than what I'm using.

I'm thinking about it like this...yeah it's going to be hard, but guess what?? The past 15 years of my life of diets has shown me that I've got the balls to make this a success story! So I say dream on and let's go honey!

[gomekast 559]

Hahaha! Is our hair long and flowing too? That's got to be almost a must for our perfect commercial!

[No game 14,436]

LOL! Yeah you get my drift! Lets go for our "commercial" run but lets pretend that we are wearing our "perfect" outfits while we do it! That will get us closer to perfection! I'm very open about this stuff you know? I refuse to believe that there is a single soul out there who is like "I just want to be healthy".....and nothing else?.......not a single little something else? Of course! I want to be healthy. I don't want diabetes like my father's entire side of the family' date=' but I want to like what I see in the mirror too!!! Give me a tank top and let me rock it for once with some confidence!! That's all I'm saying. I don't have any famous people quotes to add to this [/quote']

Yes I really don't think anyone is opposed to looking better... But was that the driving force to undergo a potentially deadly surgery?

In a word... No

Perhaps you are young? If so, I get the "I just want to look hot" thing. There is however going to be a lot of blood sweat and tears to get you to the point of "rocking your tank top".

This is a radical surgery that has consequences.

And for a lot of us, it was last resort after every other avenue had been exhausted. A LOT of mental work needs to go I to this. This surgery will permanently alter your body and you will have to live with those changes for the rest of your life.

Some of which are taking supplements forever not drinking like you used to, losing hair and for some, various other complications. To many to mention here..

The one thing this surgery is not? A cure!

As many people that lose all their weight, you will have those that lose only part of it. And even more that lose it then REGAIN! It's a life long change/battle to lose and keep it off.

One that can be won yes..

So I guess my point is, that focussing on just being able to rock an outfit may be a bit short sighted in regards to what you are about to go through. And perfection? Life is imperfect.

the "perfection" I'm looking for? To be comfortable in my imperfect self. To love this 47 year old body.

This body has lived... It has been bigger and smaller through the years, gave birth to 2 children and it has the battle scars (and lumps and bumps) to tell the stories.

I will try not to hold myself to a standard of "perfection" that you see on tv or a magazine...

As I quoted before..

“If you look for perfection, you'll never be content.” ― Leo Tolstoy

[gamergirl 4,609]

To address the core of your thread, while I think it's normal and healthy to visualize the success, it is essential, if a lot less fun, to also visualize and accept the process. It's a huge adjustment and you don't want to be one of those that has the surgery--and then regrets things you should have considered before. I'd recommend you find someone to talk to about all the changes you will be asked to make, and spend some time thinking them through.

Good luck with the journey

[gomekast 559]

I don't think that a little day dreaming about what our lives would be like post op means she's not ready for this.

Anyone that comes to this decision has had a lot to take into consideration to get to this point. Some people cope with being silly, day dreaming or anything really. I cope with stress with a good laugh. I've had my kids, been threw my own version of hell to get here. I used to cope using food..now I use positive reinforcement with picturing myself thin. THAT gets me threw the bad moments.

It's the right thing for me, but it's not appropriate for everyone.

I go back tomorrow for final appts and I hope to leave with a date to meet my surgeon. :-)

[ksprite0305 5]

I appreciate the comments on this topic. I don't even want to get into my many diet stories/nightmares. Hard work, sweat, and tears.....been there, done that. I did not wake up one morning and say....."you know what, I think I'll have my stomach removed in the following months. Let me mark my calendar." I have thought about this for a while now. I actually have a couple of girlfriends who have had WLS and one is in incredible shape and the other did not lose the weight and is still quite heavy. So, I think I know a little bit about both sides of the coin. I do take the surgery quite seriously.....it was not even my first choice of WLS, the LapBand was. But, after reading all the negative things that may come with the LapBand in years down the road, I opted for the more "drastic" approach. Yes. I am scared. Not being able to guzzle Water after a good workout. Not being able to sit down to Thanksgiving dinner and eat until my heart's content all those wonderful foods that don't come around often. Losing my hair. Leaks in my staples. Possible DVT after surgery!! Hell, I even read about this weird DNA mutation that has happened to people who have had WLS where if they eat to much Protein their body rejects it and if they don't get enough nutrients...well, we all know what happens there! I won't go into detail some of the more disturbing possibilities that have went through my head. I could write a horror movie OK? I really do appreciate the comments and I respect them and take them to heart. But I do want to thank Gomekast. I think you were exactly what I needed in this bump in the road. I know the risks to the surgery. I was just doubting myself for a minute because I was confused that my mind wasn't thinking about what everyone else was thinking about. I guess......well, for example...I know that doing a "commercial" jog around the neighborhood would make me healthier. I know if I did it religiously and ate celery morning,noon, and night I may could get to that "perfect" self. I also know that I could be attacked by a dog during that "commercial" run and left in the middle of the road unable to crawl away just to be run over by a car like a speed bump. Yes, I know there is work to be done and scary things can happen, but that's just not me. I would rather laugh then cry (or cry and laugh at the same time because it's equally good) I would rather focus on all the good that can come because that is what makes the hard things worth it. Thank you Gomekast!!! I am not a freak of nature....my stride is just a little different....just like yours I suppose? ( I hope this isn't offensive, but what's your picture about anyway...it looks like you are holding a pair of rabbit balls???)

[gomekast 559]

I appreciate the comments on this topic. I don't even want to get into my many diet stories/nightmares. Hard work' date=' sweat, and tears.....been there, done that. I did not wake up one morning and say....."you know what, I think I'll have my stomach removed in the following months. Let me mark my calendar." I have thought about this for a while now. I actually have a couple of girlfriends who have had WLS and one is in incredible shape and the other did not lose the weight and is still quite heavy. So, I think I know a little bit about both sides of the coin. I do take the surgery quite seriously.....it was not even my first choice of WLS, the LapBand was. But, after reading all the negative things that may come with the LapBand in years down the road, I opted for the more "drastic" approach. Yes. I am scared. Not being able to guzzle Water after a good workout. Not being able to sit down to Thanksgiving dinner and eat until my heart's content all those wonderful foods that don't come around often. Losing my hair. Leaks in my staples. Possible DVT after surgery!! Hell, I even read about this weird DNA mutation that has happened to people who have had WLS where if they eat to much Protein their body rejects it and if they don't get enough nutrients...well, we all know what happens there! I won't go into detail some of the more disturbing possibilities that have went through my head. I could write a horror movie OK? I really do appreciate the comments and I respect them and take them to heart. But I do want to thank Gomekast. I think you were exactly what I needed in this bump in the road. I know the risks to the surgery. I was just doubting myself for a minute because I was confused that my mind wasn't thinking about what everyone else was thinking about. I guess......well, for example...I know that doing a "commercial" jog around the neighborhood would make me healthier. I know if I did it religiously and ate celery morning,noon, and night I may could get to that "perfect" self. I also know that I could be attacked by a dog during that "commercial" run and left in the middle of the road unable to crawl away just to be run over by a car like a speed bump. Yes, I know there is work to be done and scary things can happen, but that's just not me. I would rather laugh then cry (or cry and laugh at the same time because it's equally good) I would rather focus on all the good that can come because that is what makes the hard things worth it. Thank you Gomekast!!! I am not a freak of nature....my stride is just a little different....just like yours I suppose? ( I hope this isn't offensive, but what's your picture about anyway...it looks like you are holding a pair of rabbit balls???)[/quote']

Your so close! It's Kangaroo balls from my brother in law that lives in Sydney Australia!

You know, reading this post when I first saw it was a breath of fresh air for me. I'm just like you, I'd prefer to imagine the "perfect" aspects of surgery because quite frankly, I've been reading the horrors of it for the last 2.5 months.

Laughing is much more my style than dwell. But face it, we all have our time to dwell and worry. We've all had to chat with the psyc at some point and if they think we've got our heads in the right place than that's all that matters.

Side note...I went in may of 2012 to have a partial hysterectomy...I had all the nurses laughing all the way into the OR...but ended with singing a Kid Rock song, born free.

We should dm each other and exchange emails...

:-)

[MouseOnTheMile 186]

Ksprite and Gomekast:

Holy crap on a cracker am I glad I came into this thread, both of you seriously took every word out of my head. It was like reading my own thoughts... Now I'm suspicious of both of you.

I thought maybe I was nuts because everyone just seemed sooooo focused on the health aspect and not on the looks part, which for me, is a big part of it. Sure I'm worried about my health LONG term, I have diabetes, Crones, Gout, and a slew of other food related diseases that run in my family as well as they are all overweight. I think about how this will improve my lifestyle at 60 and that's a major thing for me. I don't want my last years to suck.

But now at 25, I too am excited to see my perfect self, and feel little actual fear for surgery, even though I have been researching it for over a year before deciding it was right for me.

And some of the more "holier than thou" types that might say that's stupid, and I'm not doing it for the right reasons, it's all health and zero vanity etc etc... All I have to say to that attitude is

"Yet you never seem to see anyone posting before and after shots of their blood work charts do you?" -Nads (that's me, much more amusing than calling myself Nadia haha)

No disrespect meant, everyone has their reason for wanting this surgery, and I personally don't believe any one of us should be telling each other if our reasons are right or wrong if our doctors have cleared us in sound mind. I too find it easier to deal with a major issue like this with humor and excitement, some are more serious and prefer to focus on that aspect. *shrugs* to each their own, I don't think either way means you don't fully understand the hardships this surgery will bring, nor the joys.

I hope I can keep in touch with both of you ladies