I have been married for 2.5 years. I had surgery March 18, 2013. Almost 4 months post op. I was a low BMI with only about 100lbs ideally to lose. I have lost 73lbs since my surgery, and have felt very disconnected from life and food. The biggest argument in my house is that I no longer cook meals. I try very hard to cook things that everyone including myself can eat, but my husband is not happy with the meals. So I have boycotted cooking. I feed my two small children and allow him to fend for him self. He is very non supportive of my surgery and my marriage is falling apart. I enjoy being smaller and feeling better about my self, but there is also a part of me that thinks, damn I should have stayed over weight and unhappy with myself so that everyone else could be pleased. I feel at a loss all the time.

I dont know maybe I am ole school. But I love cooking, just cause I cook does not mean that I have to eat it. I have changed some of the things that I cook but I always can get something else to eat besides whatever the family wants.

I am just blessed to be able to have the variety of foods in my life.

Cooking is a labor of love!

Cooking is a labor of love!

Not if you don't feel like doing it - then it's just a labor.

I have been married for 2.5 years. I had surgery March 18, 2013. Almost 4 months post op. I was a low BMI with only about 100lbs ideally to lose. I have lost 73lbs since my surgery, and have felt very disconnected from life and food. The biggest argument in my house is that I no longer cook meals. I try very hard to cook things that everyone including myself can eat, but my husband is not happy with the meals. So I have boycotted cooking. I feed my two small children and allow him to fend for him self. He is very non supportive of my surgery and my marriage is falling apart. I enjoy being smaller and feeling better about my self, but there is also a part of me that thinks, damn I should have stayed over weight and unhappy with myself so that everyone else could be pleased. I feel at a loss all the time.

I think the cooking part of this is a symptom of a much bigger problem.

Marriage does not require, in my mind, sacrificing what is good for you in favor of what works for your partner.

~Kat

The day I came home from the hospital he expected me to cook him a full meal. It became so stressful for me that I started to smoke again because it was the only vice I had. The second day home he called me selfish because I refused to stand in the kitchen for 2 hours frying chicken for 8 people. I understand that I am a wife and a mother and that I do have some responsibilities, but damn is there a common ground somewhere?

I am so sorry. That is OUTRAGEOUS behavior on his part. He needs to cook himself or pick up some takeout. He needs a boot up his butt.

You are not a slave. You are entitled to recover from surgery with support from your spouse. You are entitled to pursuit of health and happiness. You are entitled to support from your spouse in your pursuit of health and happiness. What you describe sounds like abusive behavior to me. Best of luck to you.

I think the cooking part of this is a symptom of a much bigger problem.

Marriage does not require' date=' in my mind, sacrificing what is good for you in favor of what works for your partner.

~Kat[/quote']

Well said. Marriage is a partnership, not an employer/employee relationship. Expecting you to cook (especially right after surgery, before you've even BEGUN to heal!) is pretty ridiculous. But worse is him being belittling & verbally abusive if you don't. No one deserves that kind of treatment.

Something tells me he won't starve if you stick to your guns. And if he doesn't start treating you better, he may eventually find himself cooking for one permanently!

Tell the selfish bastard to grow up. I drives me crazy when I hear about husbands that sit on their butts expecting their wife to take care of them. If he doesn' like what you fix, tell him to fix his own meals and quit snivelling.