Canary Diamond

Hmmmm.... it plays when I click it. Or you could click on the link and watch it on YouTube.

Rev up that Dolorian! My latest YouTube offal has hit the ethernet waves and boy, is it a blast from the past. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LR55jP2gSPE Part deux coming soon!

My dog has never been happier. And his farts have never been smellier...

Love it, baby! I also cannot express my glee at your use of the word "righteous"!

An amazing thing is happening. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say, "I don't give a s h i t what other people think." Perhaps it's because I'm another year older today, and on birthdays one is wont to take stock. Perhaps it's because I am feeling the empowerment than accompanies true change. Perhaps it's because I'm finally realizing I have people in my life who love me unconditionally, or that I now know I am deserving of that love. Perhaps it is all of these. What I do know is I've said that phrase many times before, at times very convincingly, but I never meant it. I wanted to mean it, others even believed that I meant it because I come across as irreverent and impossible to embarrass, but there was always a motivational undercurrent of wanting to be liked. The following is a list of notions I've recently come to accept as valid. Some are mere reminders to myself, some are rants, some are missives directed at specific people on this site. All are liberating: I am not required to tell anyone about my decision to have weight loss surgery. Should I choose to do so, I have no obligation to explain or defend my decision. I am justified in flipping off another driver when the egotistical delusions acquired from watching "The Fast and the Furious" momentarily override his cognizance of the fact that he is operating a deadly weapon. I may express my offense when someone implies I should be ashamed of the way I look, or used to look. I am permitted to be impolite, even rude, to a man whose words or actions are causing me to feel uncomfortable or unsafe. I am allowed to inflict physical harm if his clear intention is to harm me. I am free to voice my belief that it is not all right for people posting in the general forum to attribute their weight loss to a higher power. If I attributed mine to Obama or the recent supreme court ruling on gay marriage, and put that post in a general discussion forum, I would be criticized. And rightfully so. I have a right to discuss the increase in my libido on an internet forum, as well as the conundrum I'm faced with as a single teacher in a small town, without being accused of advertising for sex. And should someone attempt to shame me out of talking about sex, I have a right to stand firm in my refusal to be shamed. I am allowed to call people out for misusing this and other support sites; for not following the rules, which have been clearly laid out; and I am allowed to do so without being subjected to ridicule and insult. I am not required to dumb myself down because others are intimidated by my intelligence. I also am allowed to state that others are intimidated by my intelligence without apologizing or prefacing such a remark with a qualifier or self-deprecating damper such as "This is probably going to sound egotistical, but...." when I have a higher than average IQ. It is also true that I am endlessly disheartened by the dissolution of the English language, have won awards for performance and writing, and am, on the whole, infinitely more impressed with the emotional intelligence of animals over that of people. None of these statements require compensation. I do not have to remain passive when others make remarks that are sexist, racist, ageist, homophobic, heterosexist, xenophobic, misogynistic, violently aggressive, indicative of body fascism, or convey intolerance of mental illness, mental retardation, or other disability. I deserve to be treated with dignity. And if you don't agree with me, I really don't care. Honestly. And it feels so f u c k i n g good to say that.

But what if our dreams are reality and it's our waking life that is the dream? If that's the case, then not only am I back at my highest weight, my teeth have fallen out more times than I can count. And I should really put some clothes on before that algebra test starts.

You nasty! Let's hear more....

Why, you offering, Doogie Howser?

Bluto - "stroke" detectors?

CorvetteGirl - That's when it started for me too! And I would say your hubby is all the richer for it...

Belladonna - First of all, I doubt god wants anything to do with this. Secondly, I would say your libido is BETTER than it was in your 20s (don't you know that's why they call it the "dirty thirties"? lol). I think your theory is dead on - a woman's biggest erogenous zone is her mind, after all.

Curvy - I have more toys than you could shake a veiny, engorged stick at. I used to sell them at Passion Parties to groups of tittering housewives and now they're all in a box....somewhere, where they've sat for the last 5 years. You see, aside from the fact that they've undoubtedly melted into one motley pink and purple blob of silicone and latex, at some point during my product testing (I couldn't in good conscience hawk unfamiliar wares) I came to the conclusion that there really is no substitute for the genuine article. Plus, using edible body paints by yourself is downright depressing.

Thank you, Artsy Fartsy, I will heed your advice. However, I may need to invest in a new shower head soon.

My libido is through the roof since having surgery. It is, without a doubt, the highest it has ever been in my life. A juicy, throbbing beast of arousal. It's like I have a whole new set of nerve endings and with the slightest whiff of sexuality they are firing on all pistons. I haven't even lost that much weight; the weight I'm at now is one I've been at many times in my life, with unspectacular effects on my sex drive. But everything has changed. I understand the appeal of David Guetta songs. I understand why people risk going to jail for public indecency. I understand why women look forward to doing laundry so much. I even think I may be beginning to understand how it feels to be a man. Make that a teenage boy. Let me put it this way, I don't think I'll need to continue the 30 Day Abs Challenge to see results by next week. I have a theory for this: For the first time in my life, the prospect of a toned, sexy body is real. Guaranteed, in fact, as long as I don't push my sleeve. I think my libido went to sleep years ago when it realized it wasn't going to be put to use anytime soon, and now it has awoken like a bear jolted out of hibernation by jumper cables. And how the hell is it that men KNOW when you're feeling like this? Walking my dog today, literally every man I passed turned his head. Two guys even slowed their cars waaaaaaaaayyyy down as they were passing by and watched me. I was wearing sweatpants, slurping on a protein shake, and carrying a bag of $h!t - not exactly exuding an air of....well, what I'd just done in the shower. If you can relate, I would love to hear from you. Especially if you're single like me. How did/do you keep yourself under control? I feel like I'm on the verge of doing something stupid. As a teacher in a small town, something tells me if I were caught in a park humping the statues people wouldn't want me around their children anymore.

Thank you, Annie. What a nice compliment

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Thank you for doing this! There are some that have to do with diet that I've come across...when people refer to eating a certain (acronym) way. Still haven't figured out what those mean.

Thanks, Sassy! I've heard a couple different things: Liquids go through you faster and take the food with them when the exit the stomach, thus allowing you to consume more without feeling full (as you mentioned), but the other theory I heard was that they have the potential of over-expanding the stomach, stretching it out faster and enabling you to consume greater quantities earlier in your recovery than your normally would. I've had difficulty finding medical explanations supporting either theory, I'm assuming since our procedure is relatively new.

As someone who recently spent 4 months in a residential treatment center for eating disorders, and seeing women of all sizes struggle immensely with self-esteem, I can certainly vouch for the skinny does not = happy line. I quit binge eating, I quit drinking, I quit teaching for the public school system, I started taking classes to become a nurse practitioner, I adopted the best dog in the world. I'm happy for the first time in my adult life. This is difficult for some people to believe (e.g., my mother) because I'm still obese. The weight loss will just be an added bonus. Thank you for this. 5 stars!

Wow - all good stuff! Really like your morning smoothie recipe - stealing it. I hadn't heard about the restriction being more obvious with solid foods. I'm still on liquids and sharing many of your previous fears. As for your trick with the denim capris, perhaps if you lie about something and they catch fire?

Thank you for doing this, Lynda! At some point could you please address why it's important to not consume liquids and solids at the same time? Keep up the great work!

I need some clarification: Are you in a hurry to get rid of the clothes because you want them gone or because you're afraid of your husband's reaction? And forget going to the Goodwill, I'm pretty sure you could open one of your own!

Hey, maggie914, and thanks for reading! My first suggestion to you is something you already seem to be on top of - working with a counselor or therapist, esp. someone who understands the added complications your FB brings to the table (no pun intended), and CONTINUE seeing this person on a regular basis after your surgery.This is when the big stuff is going to come up - when you can't eat your feelings anymore - and you'll benefit from having someone who can help you monitor your emotions without judgment. I've been on Wellbutrin for 13 years and, after my pre-op break from all meds, starting taking it again 3 days post-op with no issues whatsoever. Of course, this doesn't speak for all anti-depressants or mood stabilizers, but mine never caused me tummy problems before surgery either. Secondly, talk to your doctor. And by that I mean your bariatric surgeon, not just your PCP. Explain your fears, anxieties, concerns, and stress-level. I'm sure this is something s/he deals with all the time and will be able to offer advice or perhaps even suggestions for meds. If you don't find the surgeon to be helpful or understanding (sometimes even the most brilliant surgeons have a crappy bedside manner), talk to his/her nurse. The nurse for the local bariatric surgeon (who did not even perform my surgery) has been extremely helpful to me. Hope this helps, and keep me posted!

True dat!

You're welcome, Bluto! Hey, cool fact - the fictional frat in Animal House was based on my father's chapter (Zeta Xi) at Dartmouth! Should I be proud of that?