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Why not admit to surgery...



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When someone you haven't told asks you how you lost weight? I don't understand. I mean, so many of us complain about how people are always after us to "lose it on our own." Wouldn't letting people know that weight-loss surgery is a viable option that is more common than they think help get rid of the stigma?

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My decision not to tell anyone about my surgery is a personal one. I don't want to answer to anyone but myself. Since I have lost over 200 pounds via diet and exercise in the past (and regained 125), I decided it would be in my best interest not to go public with the surgery.

Others feels just the opposite and enjoy sharing their surgery... to each his/her own.

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I am very open about my surgery. I have told complete strangers!!! I had taken my parents to the eye Dr. the other day, and a lap band commercial come on the TV in the waiting room, and this very heavy girl a few chairs down says to her Mom, "that's what I need". I told her "I had that surgery done 6 months ago" They scooted down and the questions began!!! Before long another woman ask me if they did it for men...no one could believe I had lost 70 pounds in 6 months and did not look malnourished. I did my best to explain it, but it was a free for all!!! They all groaned when my folks come out ready to go!

My DH's secretary's Mom just had it done. Everyone at his work knows, and has been super supportive.

My family all knows....I think the local cashier at the grocery store knows!!!

It is my view that if they are thin, and have never battled weight issues, they will likely not understand any of it anyway.

And if they are heavy, they will either accept it and be curious, or think I took the easy way out, and they will likely stay fat a lot longer than I will, and when they are ready to talk about it, I'll still be here!!!

I was given a lap band not a magic pill---I have had to work on controlling what I eat, andhow much exercise I get...and I have worked at it! If they are foolish enough to think that I got it and had to do nothing, they are not likely to listen to me anyway!!!

But I continue to tell anyone who will listen!!

Kat

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I never did like to talk about my weight.....big or thin, so this is a very personal subject to me and I really am not comfortable talking to many about it.

Having the band is also very personal, I just don't like talking to people about it unless they can relate.

Carol

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I dont mind if anyone knows....when we go out to eat the server will ask what I want to drink and when I say nothing they ALWAYS keep asking me so I tell them that I had WWS and cant eat and drink at the same time!

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I have not told anyone but my parents, not even my 2 grown sons. I guess it's because I have failed at so many other tries that I want to keep this to myself. But I feel that this is a personal issue and if you feel comfortable telling people then by all means do so but if you don't want to then that's ok also.

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When someone you haven't told asks you how you lost weight? I don't understand. I mean, so many of us complain about how people are always after us to "lose it on our own." Wouldn't letting people know that weight-loss surgery is a viable option that is more common than they think help get rid of the stigma?

Personally I TOTALLY agree with you. We found out about the band through word-of-mouth. A friend of my husband's aunt(Gee, sounds like the start of a bad urban legend.) had it, and she did well. Talking to her helped us decide. I've told anyone who shows any interest at all, and some who may not have! :faint:

But, I do understand that some people are very private and don't want to tell. Maybe they have tried and failed and heard about it from those around them. Maybe they don't want to deal with "Food police" watching every bite.

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Yes, I feel it is a personal decision. I also didn't like to talk about my weight, fat or thin. I am also a private person. If I felt, it would benefit the person then I would share. However, there has only been a few times, when I've done this. Too each their own.

Shawn

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I have sat here trying to decide what to say so here is what I came up with. First, My Husband and Mom are the only people who know. My story (short version) I was big as a child 3rd grade to 8th grade. Not huge just overweight. I was anorexic for about 3 years, I got very thin and unhealthy. I met my husband and he was worried about me not eating. I guess I knew he truly loved me regaurdless of my weight so.... I ate. I have always been active and exercised and so on. I got to a healthy weight and something happened and was hospitalized, and got put on steriods. Well I gained 60 pounds in about 3 weeks!!!! Then another 35 or so after while still on steriods. You think I am kidding. I am not, nor am I making it up. SO, I thought that this was Water weight or something and that I could loose it. I could not. I tried for 3 years.

I am going to say something and I hope that some one will understand what I mean. Please don't get mad at me, this is just how it is and was for me. My aunt(500lbs) and Uncle (900lbs or more) had gastric bypass. Well I watched them my whole life, they were too lazy to even try. Never tried to diet, never tried to exercise or nothing. They were the people that came to the Christmas Party and ate ALL the food and never even thought anythign about it. Well, my view is that they were to lazy to try so they just got insurance to pay for gastic bypass, my aunt is still fat and still doesnt try, she drinks tons of Coke and fast food and so on. I know what she looks like form the outside and I assume that people thought/think that of me, thet they think I was just to lazy to do anything because I was fat. I always felt that I had to tell people why I got fat and that I was not the "Typical" fat person. None of this matters I realize. But it is how my screwed up brain works. SO, the reason that I do not want anyone to know is because when you tell some people that you had WLS they automatically think you were to lazy exercise and ate Burger King all day. I'm sorry but that is how a lot of people think. I do not want to have to explain my situation to everyone or anyone for that matter. And I don't want some A$$ hole like my brother telling me what he thinks I need to do, (assuming he knew)when he knows nothing about a lap band or anything. I don't want peoples 2 cents about something they don't understand. I am on LBT so that I can meet people and tell people and share stories and stuff. I truly appreciate this site and have learned sooooo much and enjoy it. I just like to remain anonomous because I live in a TINY town and just don't want to have to explain my decision to have WLS. I don't want people telling me what else I could have done with 15,000 dollars. I can just hear them "You could have hired a personal trainer for 2 years" you could have done it on you own. Does anyone know what I mean. We all know that WLS is not a quick fix and it is not easy but unless you have been through it or known someone who has, the majority of people don't think that. I just don't want peoples 2 cents about something they know nothing about.

I hope that this does not offend anyone. This is only my experiance and opinion. I am not speaking to or about anyone else but myself, so please don't take anything personal.

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I am one of those who tells anybody who asks, and sometimes those who have not. I am a very open person. It has helped me to lose 80 pounds and if I can help somebody else I am happy to do it.

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Kat sounds like me, I'll discuss it with anyone who will listen. I understand Elizabeth's reason for chosing not to tell, but for me, I want everyone, especially those "in need", to know what's available to them.

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I have been wrestling with this issue since I decided to persue this procedure. I am still not banded but it looks pretty promising for a January or February surgery date. Anyhow, on on ehand I totally agree with yeehaw...I don't care what kind of stuff people spout about not caring what anyone else thinks, we all do care to some extent, and she is right about having to endure the judgement of stupid people. On the other hand I feel the need to help other fat people out there who are suffering pysically and mentally because of their weight so I know that my need to help will over ride my need for privacy...this is just how I am, but I can appreciate both points of view.

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I made the mistake of telling a few people at work when I was diagnosed with diabetes a few years ago and they told people and those people told others. I don’t mind the people that ask questions about diabetes but its’ all the others who remind me on a daily basis what I can and can’t eat. “You can’t have that, Its’ got sugar in it!!!” or feel they need to remind me that I am diabetic (like I could ever forget) I could only imagine the comments I would get if I told them I had WLS (YIKES). Besides I had a co-worker that got RNY a couple years ago and 2-3 times a day people would ask “How much weight have you lost?” Over time I notice her expression changed when people would ask. At first she was excited to tell people then as time went on the eye roll and the sigh crept into her expression before she would give an answer, and then of course I heard all of the negative comments expressed from those same smiling faces after she walked away. I just didn’t want to go through all of that. It’s hard enough for me without the added pressure from others. The band is just a tool for me; the majority of my weight loss is still up to me. I still have to watch what I eat and drink, I still have to get off my rump and exercise. Just because I have a band doesn’t mean I had surgery and woke up thin.

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I guess my feeling is this:

I understand why some of you don't want to tell the people who are all up in your face constantly about your weight. They wouldn't be the kind of people I would want to tell, either. But, on the other hand, if someone that I hadn't seen in a long time came up to me and said, "Wow, you look great! How'd you do it?", I think I would let them know about the surgery.

I guess I sort of feel that not saying I had surgery at that point would be furthering the myth that everyone should be able to diet and exercise their way to a lower weight. I try to think about how that could affect either the person asking or people she might encourage down the road. Do I want her saying, "You should diet and exercise more, you would lose the weight if you did" or do I want her saying, "Hey, I know someone that had that surgery, it might be an option for you"?

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