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To date or not to date?



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Hi ladies! I don't want to write a novel about this situation, but I'd like some objective female input.

Ok, so I'm 23 years old and I've only been in 3 relationships...one of which turned out to be with a gay man. So, needless to say I'm not very experienced in that field. I dated a guy we'll call Eric for about 3 months 4 years ago. He had been my very best friend since junior high, and we were good together but I was in college 2 hours away from him. I didn't want to do the long distance thing and he was interested in someone else, so we broke up. It wasn't pretty and it divided our friends for quite some time. Over the past year we have reconnected and become even closer than we were before. He was there holding my hand the day of surgery and has been an amazing support system ever since. He's been dating on and off since we reconnected, but right now he is single. This weekend he presented me with 6th row Elton John (my absolute favorite) tickets for March, and asked if I would consider going out with him again. I was stunned, but he is the kind of guy that is prone to making grand gestures. My question is, should I go for it? I'm just afraid that he's only paying attention to me because he's single and bored, or that I'm losing weight. Is my self-esteem craziness getting in the way of something wonderful?? Or is it completely ridiculous to get involved with a best friend who also happens to be an ex-boyfriend? He is blonde haired, blue eyed, bearded, and BEAUTIFUL...so I have no idea why he is even my friend, much less asking me out. Opinions? How does one deal with self esteem issues and relationships post surgery?

Thanks in advance, and sorry the post is so long!

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Logically look at the reasons your relationship failed the first time, imo. Ask yourself the hard questions - is this a healthy thing to pursue? What will you do/how will you take it if the relationship doesn't work a second time? Are you okay if he's not as serious about things as you are?

Granted, I tend to approach my relationships with a heavy dose of logic and analysis, but that's my nature. Emotional happy fluffy feeling stuff is nice, but it often stops people from looking at things that may be a serious issue.

If you can step back and look at it objectively and not really find serious red flags, go for it. Enjoy it, be happy, and take each day as it comes.

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I say go with your instincts. It's been a while since you two last dated and things have changed. I dont recommend going from zero to sixty but if you are both are interested in each other I say go for it.

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Personally, I do not do sequels. BUT - every situation is different and if the main reason you broke up the first time had more to do with distance and less to do with relationship problems then I might consider trying it again, especially since its been 4 years.

Just don't get stupid attached right off, try to be realistic

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I agree with thegamer and nursegrace on this one.

But Which is of more importance... His friendship or possibly venturing back to trying out a relationship with him again?

Personally I do not date my friends especially those individuals that are close to me. Relationships tend to have a short lifespan and if it doesn't work out then you lose a good friend. On the other hand, we hear stories all the time of friends getting together and live happy ever after.

It's apparent that you are questioning his wanting to date you. I believe that you should deal with those because if you do decide to venture into a relationship, those ? will constantly be on your mind. You stated that he dated a lot, how frequently and how long did those relationships last? We are creatures of habits so that in itself could tell you a lot about his dating rituals.

Good luck with whatever decision you make!

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Hi ladies! I don't want to write a novel about this situation' date=' but I'd like some objective female input.

Ok, so I'm 23 years old and I've only been in 3 relationships...one of which turned out to be with a gay man. So, needless to say I'm not very experienced in that field. I dated a guy we'll call Eric for about 3 months 4 years ago. He had been my very best friend since junior high, and we were good together but I was in college 2 hours away from him. I didn't want to do the long distance thing and he was interested in someone else, so we broke up. It wasn't pretty and it divided our friends for quite some time. Over the past year we have reconnected and become even closer than we were before. He was there holding my hand the day of surgery and has been an amazing support system ever since. He's been dating on and off since we reconnected, but right now he is single. This weekend he presented me with 6th row Elton John (my absolute favorite) tickets for March, and asked if I would consider going out with him again. I was stunned, but he is the kind of guy that is prone to making grand gestures. My question is, should I go for it? I'm just afraid that he's only paying attention to me because he's single and bored, or that I'm losing weight. Is my self-esteem craziness getting in the way of something wonderful?? Or is it completely ridiculous to get involved with a best friend who also happens to be an ex-boyfriend? He is blonde haired, blue eyed, bearded, and BEAUTIFUL...so I have no idea why he is even my friend, much less asking me out. Opinions? How does one deal with self esteem issues and relationships post surgery?

Thanks in advance, and sorry the post is so long![/quote']

Focus on your self esteem and self worth first. The rest of your life should fall into place.

Amanda Rae

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Are you capable of dating with little emotion? If so go for it. I dated a lot in my early twenties and knew going into that I wasn't looking or marriage or a long term relationship. I was looking to go out and have fun. It was one of the best times of my life. Focus on yourself. If you want to have fun with him go for it.

However if you are the type to become instantly attached I would go very slow. I dated a best friend situation before my crazy dating days, and your story reminded me of it. He would do these huge things to get my attention, when something better came along we'd break up and a few months later he would be back. Even more over the top then the last time. I finally had enough, we broke up and that week he was with someone else( who he married). I was an easy fall back. Don't let yourself be a fall back, don't worry about the best friend thing. From experience I never talked to my "best friend" again after the break up and I am thankful for it.

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Like 4Myboys mentioned above, if you don't get emotionally attached continue to date him if this is what you want, but let him know that you will be dating others as well. If you get easily attached, I don't think dating him would be wise. First and foremost, focus on yourself and everything else will fall into place.

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I say your young the relationship you had probably was premature I say take your time be friends enjoy his company see where it goes I'm not against you trying again being that you guys are young at that age typically guys don't kno what they want just have fun and see where it takes you cause once u lose weight guys will be all over you keep your options open

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Hi ladies! I don't want to write a novel about this situation' date=' but I'd like some objective female input.

Ok, so I'm 23 years old and I've only been in 3 relationships...one of which turned out to be with a gay man. So, needless to say I'm not very experienced in that field. I dated a guy we'll call Eric for about 3 months 4 years ago. He had been my very best friend since junior high, and we were good together but I was in college 2 hours away from him. I didn't want to do the long distance thing and he was interested in someone else, so we broke up. It wasn't pretty and it divided our friends for quite some time. Over the past year we have reconnected and become even closer than we were before. He was there holding my hand the day of surgery and has been an amazing support system ever since. He's been dating on and off since we reconnected, but right now he is single. This weekend he presented me with 6th row Elton John (my absolute favorite) tickets for March, and asked if I would consider going out with him again. I was stunned, but he is the kind of guy that is prone to making grand gestures. My question is, should I go for it? I'm just afraid that he's only paying attention to me because he's single and bored, or that I'm losing weight. Is my self-esteem craziness getting in the way of something wonderful?? Or is it completely ridiculous to get involved with a best friend who also happens to be an ex-boyfriend? He is blonde haired, blue eyed, bearded, and BEAUTIFUL...so I have no idea why he is even my friend, much less asking me out. Opinions? How does one deal with self esteem issues and relationships post surgery?

Thanks in advance, and sorry the post is so long![/quote']

How did this turn out?

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Thanks everyone!! Your replies really helped. Just to update, I have decided to accept and go to the concert with him (I can't walk away from Sir Elton), But we are taking things very slow. I told him my hormones are six kinds of crazy right now and I need the emotional support of a best friend more than I need a boyfriend. So basically we are going to continue things the way they have been for months...it's just now we are being open about our feelings for one another. He's not thrilled about my not wanting to be his girlfriend :rolleyes:, but he said he supports me in whatever decisions I make. We have a coffee (tea for me) date tonight...should be fun :D

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Thanks everyone!! Your replies really helped. Just to update, I have decided to accept and go to the concert with him (I can't walk away from Sir Elton), But we are taking things very slow. I told him my hormones are six kinds of crazy right now and I need the emotional support of a best friend more than I need a boyfriend. So basically we are going to continue things the way they have been for months...it's just now we are being open about our feelings for one another. He's not thrilled about my not wanting to be his girlfriend :rolleyes:, but he said he supports me in whatever decisions I make. We have a coffee (tea for me) date tonight...should be fun :D

Good for you, have fun just don't let those crazy hormones make you do something you will regret. Wink wink. :)

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I agree with how you're proceeding with this -- personally,..i've kinda decided not to date for awhile because I know that the person I am and who I will gravitate toward will change as my weight drops off and my self esteem gets better. I don't want to settle for someone - and I settle a lot. I want that perfect match. (But I'm also a decade older than you)

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