Private Therapy: Are you using it? If so, what advice are they dispensing?

TexasRose · November 16, 2006

So, I'm considering starting private therapy to help work on my 'body image' issues. When I look in the mirror - I see myself at my highest weight and cannot visualize *despite looking at tons of before/after pictures* what everyone else says that they see when they look at me. Logically, I know that I am thinner by clothing size, numbers on the scale, agility, etc - but it is getting my brain to catch up with my body.

If you do not mind sharing - have you sought this type of help? What advice/exercises did they give you to start working through it?

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!!

Koala · November 16, 2006

Hi,

I go to private therapy as often as I feel I need to talk. We talk about whatever issues come up, and I feel it's been very helpful in many areas of my life. I think most of us "get" what our demons are as far as why we overate, but the issue you mentioned and others are wonderful points to work out with someone who has only your interests in mind.

The issue that has floored me is how other people change. There came a point, around 50 pounds or so, that my coworkers didn't want to hear about my losses. They'd ask, then I could feel a resentment at the answer. It's taken me some time to realize that, now, my success is a reminder of their own weight issues. At first, my losses were a reminder of hope that they, too, could beat it. Now, I keep my numbers to myself unless someone really seems interested.

I really believe having my therapist has been a great resource for keeping me together.

Carlene · November 16, 2006

It's called Body Dysmorphia. Virtually all anorexics suffer from it. I think a great many WLS patients do, too. I don't know what the treatment/cure for BD is. I'm usually convinced of anything by common sense but that too fails me sometimes when I look in the mirror. I just keep asking myself how fat can you be if your jeans are a size 4?

kym828 · November 16, 2006

i started therapy about 3 months ago and i want to continue until i think i got it.... i am only 2 wks post-op so the living with the lapband part is still new and i am not sure what issues will be coming up. the one thing my therapist is focusing on right now is helping me make better decisions on who i am friends with... i have a few friends that are "toxic" and an ex-husband too that is "toxic". these people bring absolutely nothing positive into my life and they are the hardest for me to let go. she is after me non-stop to get out there and meet new people and to be unavailable for the "users" in my life. it is a daily struggle as i like the comfort of the known rather than the anxiety of the unknown. i am getting there and the lapband is helping and i think is a positive in my life.. i now try to look at things differently and ask myself "is this a positive situation for my life or negative?" - if it is negative i try to remove myself from the situation - if it is positive i try to embrace it and go with it no matter how uncomfortable i am with this change. i need my therapist for now to help me stay focused. the lapband is not just about getting the weight off to me, but just one of the tools i am using to try to become a healthy, positive person in this society.

kim

Marimaru · November 17, 2006

I've mentioned that I still see myself as big as I was, but we've only really touched on that. Mostly I've been working on *feeling* things instead of stuffing them down, which I've been doing with, or without food. The other thing is working on not feeling guilty when I shouldn't, like when I do something nice for myself every now and then, etc. And being more confident. She basically says, "Do the actions, no matter how you feel about them, and the feelings will come after that". The topic was my wanting to be a graphic designer, and not wanting to undercut myself in pricing. She said "If the company you work for charges X for your work, then charge at least that much when you are doing it on the side".

I think that fits into the BD thing, by pointing at the idea that we have to tell ourselves that we are looking good, and tell ourselves we are fat like we were, and if we keep doing that, the feelings of actually believing it will follow. It's started to work for me... a bit... What helped me also was to have my mom show me old pictures of about what size I am now. The pictures she was showing me were from the summer before my Senior year (I believe). In my mind, I don't look like that, but having seen those pictures has helped me to get a better view. I still feel bigger than I am, but not as big as I was, if that makes any sense. Beyond telling myself and trying to believe it, having the people around me help me compare, has been helpful.

Nathalie · November 18, 2006

My pre-surgical behaviorist told me I had to go to therapy. I've been going for 2 months now. We're not only working on body image, but the psychological things that made me fat in the first place. I'm learning to set up boundaries, break out of my comfort zone and balance my life. I am finding a totally different place in the world, which is definitely needed. I don't have a surgical date yet, but I anticipate it will be in December. I plan to continue therapy every other week until I am "healed."

My therapist had RNY and went from 320 to 156. She totally understands the BD and other issues related to losing a lot of weight. I love her.