Partner finding it hard...

[Olivereindeer 30]

I am not even sure if I will be eligible fir a sleeve as my BMI is 36. I have a history of failed lap bands x2 for 12 years. I am waiting for my first doc apt and subsequently am not worrying about what I eat so much.

My partner is slim and exercises cos she loves to.

Tonight she stated she felt angry with me for not trying - she totally understands my 35 yr history of dieting up and down - but still says I shouldn't risk major surgery as she us scared I might die.

Am I being unreasonable wanting a sleeve? I have NEVER been able to maintain my weight in a healthy range and I just don't have it in me to diet again

Feeling sad and selfish and scared

[Punkin 21]

My partner is scared too. She is a PE teacher... hello stereotype!! LOL! Anyway.. she's scared I'm going to die too... I have surgery this morning! You hang in there! Dont feel sad.... and DON'T feel selfish...

[Olivereindeer 30]

PE teacher! Oh wow - that must be hard.

Even though I want thus to be for my health there is a part of me that just wants to feel

Normal and look normal. I don't want to be a big fat girl anymore - I look forward to being slim and feeling nice - that's what makes me feel selfish.

Wow - surgery in the morning??? Where are you and who your surgeon? Feeling nervous and excited?

[MelissaGG 9]

I finally realized that if I just keep trying, I will just keep trying and wasting time. I have put my all into diet and exercise at times but I am also a Mom to a 3 year old and a full time working career woman who commutes 3 hours per day. MY exercise time is at 10pm, or 5am and I have to be conscious of every calorie, every morsel. It is hard, and I expect it to be hard. I also have to cook dinner and maintain my house as best I can along with the rest of life. There is simply no help to be had and weight and life is getting the best of me. I need a tool and a little forgiveness in having to workout and count every calorie, every day of my life. It is not fair to my son who is in daycare 12 hours per day or to myself whop works herself to the bone. Its not the easy way out, at this point, being almost 270# its the only way to create somewhat of a balance in my life. Working harder is not possible and trying more is not buying me any time or advcantage.

I have a lap band inside that after 10 years is starting to hurt and it is time to get it out. I never imagined another surgery at all. I have kind of the opposite problem with my hubby because my husband thinks of himself every time I bring up surgery, he imagines himself having it. He is wanting to go "first" but he does not realize that I have an immediate need with my lap band needing to come out. Somehow he think we should do this at the same time and I need him to be healthy to take care of me for a change.

[Punkin 21]

PE teacher! Oh wow - that must be hard.

Even though I want thus to be for my health there is a part of me that just wants to feel

Normal and look normal. I don't want to be a big fat girl anymore - I look forward to being slim and feeling nice - that's what makes me feel selfish.

Wow - surgery in the morning??? Where are you and who your surgeon? Feeling nervous and excited?

Well, I posted that to you just before leaving for my surgery. I was sleeved on Tuesday and just came home today. It was weird... I had no feelings either way... not nervous, not excited. I think it was just a wall I somehow put up to protect myself. I'm in Maine. My surgeon was Michael St Jean. He is such a sweet guy. I'm tired as heck right now and a bit sore but ok. Can't wait to sleep in my own bed. I don't feel selfish 'cause you only get one chance at this life! My thing is feeling embarrassed about having to have this done. BUT again.... this is my thing and no-one else's.

And the PE thing... she's a good motivator! LOL! (not really LOL... it hurts to much to laugh! and she's happy that I didn't die!

[The.new.g 48]

I think it's pretty normal for a partner's fear about your safety in surgery to come across as being unsupportive. My husband did the same thing both when I was banded and revised to sleeve (6 weeks post op). Once I got through safely, he has been very supportive. But he was scared for me to have surgery and at times said similar things to what you report.

[bittahoney 12]

It's great that your partner is concerned about your health and you, but you must do things for yourself. I am lucky that my bf has been supportive throughout my journey. He has been to all the appts and did his own research. Of course he was concerned about the possibility of death but this procedure is safe and the mortality rate is extremely low. He was happy that I was willing to take charge of my life and do something for me. He tells me he has plans for our retirement and I have to be there for them. Hopefully your partner will come around. You deserve to be the person you want to be.