Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Partner finding it hard...



Recommended Posts

I am not even sure if I will be eligible fir a sleeve as my BMI is 36. I have a history of failed lap bands x2 for 12 years. I am waiting for my first doc apt and subsequently am not worrying about what I eat so much.

My partner is slim and exercises cos she loves to.

Tonight she stated she felt angry with me for not trying - she totally understands my 35 yr history of dieting up and down - but still says I shouldn't risk major surgery as she us scared I might die.

Am I being unreasonable wanting a sleeve? I have NEVER been able to maintain my weight in a healthy range and I just don't have it in me to diet again

Feeling sad and selfish and scared

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My partner is scared too. She is a PE teacher... hello stereotype!! LOL! Anyway.. she's scared I'm going to die too... I have surgery this morning! You hang in there! Dont feel sad.... and DON'T feel selfish...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

PE teacher! Oh wow - that must be hard.

Even though I want thus to be for my health there is a part of me that just wants to feel

Normal and look normal. I don't want to be a big fat girl anymore - I look forward to being slim and feeling nice - that's what makes me feel selfish.

Wow - surgery in the morning??? Where are you and who your surgeon? Feeling nervous and excited?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I finally realized that if I just keep trying, I will just keep trying and wasting time. I have put my all into diet and exercise at times but I am also a Mom to a 3 year old and a full time working career woman who commutes 3 hours per day. MY exercise time is at 10pm, or 5am and I have to be conscious of every calorie, every morsel. It is hard, and I expect it to be hard. I also have to cook dinner and maintain my house as best I can along with the rest of life. There is simply no help to be had and weight and life is getting the best of me. I need a tool and a little forgiveness in having to workout and count every calorie, every day of my life. It is not fair to my son who is in daycare 12 hours per day or to myself whop works herself to the bone. Its not the easy way out, at this point, being almost 270# its the only way to create somewhat of a balance in my life. Working harder is not possible and trying more is not buying me any time or advcantage.

I have a lap band inside that after 10 years is starting to hurt and it is time to get it out. I never imagined another surgery at all. I have kind of the opposite problem with my hubby because my husband thinks of himself every time I bring up surgery, he imagines himself having it. He is wanting to go "first" but he does not realize that I have an immediate need with my lap band needing to come out. Somehow he think we should do this at the same time and I need him to be healthy to take care of me for a change.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

PE teacher! Oh wow - that must be hard.

Even though I want thus to be for my health there is a part of me that just wants to feel

Normal and look normal. I don't want to be a big fat girl anymore - I look forward to being slim and feeling nice - that's what makes me feel selfish.

Wow - surgery in the morning??? Where are you and who your surgeon? Feeling nervous and excited?

Well, I posted that to you just before leaving for my surgery. I was sleeved on Tuesday and just came home today. It was weird... I had no feelings either way... not nervous, not excited. I think it was just a wall I somehow put up to protect myself. I'm in Maine. My surgeon was Michael St Jean. He is such a sweet guy. I'm tired as heck right now and a bit sore but ok. Can't wait to sleep in my own bed. I don't feel selfish 'cause you only get one chance at this life! My thing is feeling embarrassed about having to have this done. BUT again.... this is my thing and no-one else's.

And the PE thing... she's a good motivator! LOL! (not really LOL... it hurts to much to laugh! :) and she's happy that I didn't die! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it's pretty normal for a partner's fear about your safety in surgery to come across as being unsupportive. My husband did the same thing both when I was banded and revised to sleeve (6 weeks post op). Once I got through safely, he has been very supportive. But he was scared for me to have surgery and at times said similar things to what you report.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's great that your partner is concerned about your health and you, but you must do things for yourself. I am lucky that my bf has been supportive throughout my journey. He has been to all the appts and did his own research. Of course he was concerned about the possibility of death but this procedure is safe and the mortality rate is extremely low. He was happy that I was willing to take charge of my life and do something for me. He tells me he has plans for our retirement and I have to be there for them. Hopefully your partner will come around. You deserve to be the person you want to be.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • vsg.with.sharon

      Hey everyone!
      I’m new here! Looking for some friends! 🥰
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • LeighaTR

      Four days post surgery. I am sipping as fast as I can and getting NO WHERE near the goal of 60 - 80 grams of protein or the 64 oz of liquids. I just feel FULL. I don't know if it can still be the gas build up (I would think by now that would be gone) but it is a struggle to drink. And so far I have not had the nausea or spasms and don't want to wander into that territory by pushing too hard with liquids. I about passed out today as it was my most "strenuous" day. Went from second story to basement for shower and I was sure I was going to pass out. Looking back on my last few days I have had a total of less than 1000 calories. Am I just not getting enough nourishment in me? Once again a friday where I can't get ahold of the doc until Monday rolls back around so I am hoping maybe someone here has some experience on how to keep energy going. I do have fibromyalgia too and that may be where some added fatigue comes into play. How did you all fair with the goals the week after surgery?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 3 replies
      1. Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

      2. Selina333

        I'm in Houston so kind of near you and had the sleeve in Dec. Down 61 lbs. Feeling better. Was definitely worth it. I hope the everything is going well for you. Update us when you can!

      3. Doughgurl

        I am back home after my bypass surgery in Tiajuana. I'm post op day 4. Everything went great! I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who have not encountered much pain at all, no nausea thus far and I'm having no problem keeping down broths and water. Thank you for your well wishes. I cant wait to keep up this journey and have a chance at better health and simply better quality of life. I know there will be bumps in the road ahead, and everything won't be peaches and cream, but at least I have a great start so far. 😍

    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×