Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

God Protects Drunks and Fools-I Guess



Recommended Posts

How to come home drunk and still get a hot Breakfast...

Jack woke up with a huge hangover the night after a business function.

He forced himself to open his eyes and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirins next to a glass of Water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sat up in bed and saw his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looked around the room and saw that it was in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So was the rest of the house. He took the aspirins, cringed when he saw a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and noticed a note on the table: "Honey, Breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping - Love you!!"

He stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son was also at the table, eating. Jack asked, "Son..what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replied, "Oh, THAT!...Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, bitch, I'm married!!!"

Broken table - $200

Hot breakfast - $5

Red Rose bud - $3

Two aspirins - $0.25

Saying the right thing, at the right time... PRICELESS

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That was GREAT! I hope you treated your wife to a night out once you felt better and the black eye subsided.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • rlcpd

      Two months out from hiatal hernia repair.  Surgeon said to expect a lot more flatulence...something about the 'air' no longer being able to 'burp' out so comes out the other end.  That is my experience but have no understanding of why that swallowed air cannot be 'burped'. ???
      · 1 reply
      1. BlondePatriotInCDA

        As I understand it since your stomach is smaller and not completely resting against your diaphragm anymore you no longer have the ability to "push" burps out as well. Plus, since its smaller and we don't digest slower the trapped air moves a lot quicker out of the stomach so its no longer available to burp out. Hence the other option for removal.

    • Lizette1122

      Anyone had the TORe procedure? How did it go? How much weight did you loose? 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • LadyVeteran1

      Sleeve surgery is on April 14th.  I am counting the days!!  Can't wait!
      · 3 replies
      1. Brookie2shoes

        Me too girl!! Are you in the full liquid diet right now? It’s sooooo hard!

      2. LadyVeteran1

        Not yet. I was told I only have to do 24 hours of a liquid diet. But I have my pre-op tomorrow so I’m going to confirm if I need to do longer.

      3. buildabetteranna

        Your so close now! It's gonna be great :) Wishing you a speedy recovery and looking forward to seeing how it goes!

    • buildabetteranna

      Down 33 lbs and slightly stalled, but I'm gonna reevaluate and push through. I started back to work last week after 2 years of being disabled due to mental health as well as my weight. It's a great job and I'm just so happy to have this opportunity at a second chance at life. Hope everyone is having their best journey ❤️ Together, we got this!
      · 2 replies
      1. DaisyChainOz

        Great work Anna! Keep it up 😁

      2. buildabetteranna

        Thank you ❤️

    • Bashbee91

      Hey guys new to the process looking forward to this new life. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×