I had surgery May 10th.

My closest guy friend has been really difficult to be around since the surgery. Every time I talk to him he takes part of the conversation and talks about what he cooked, ate, is eating, etc, and is very descriptive about how WONDERFUL the food is. Yesterday it was the milkshake his partner brought him, and did I remember how much chocolate is in the milkshake from this particular restaurant and OH! doesnt it remind you almost more of a custard than a milkshake? etc etc.

This was not what we talked about before my surgery. And so yesterday I said - "could we talk about something besides what you are eating? You know I can't eat much food, let's find another topic.".

At which point he told me that just be because I had ELECTIVE surgery he shouldn't have to not talk about food, and got very huffy.

I'm looking for advice. Am I being unfair? How are other people dealing with situations like this? I am really struggling!

He sounds like a "Hater" to me. If he was a true friend and not a selfish someone he would be a little more sensitive to your feelings. I only hang around positive people so if this happened to me, I would address it and move on if the behavior dosen't change.

I would suggest that you surround yourself with more supportive people.

I guess it goes around. My wife bought a banana cream pie last night and eat it setting right next to me in the living room. My sleeve is only 6 days old.

I limit my interactions with people who are not supportive....and if that's not possible, when they start talking about food, I start talking about how much better I feel now that I've given up junk, how much weight I've lost so far, how good I'm starting to look, etc. just to annoy them the way they're trying to annoy me.

No way are you wrong....but if your tone was wrong then yes. My job presents me opportunity to craft my communication skills. So I'm very in tuned to to e and body language.

Instead of saying "do you mind... " maybe you say "John, we're friends and I need your help. I just had this surgery and folks talk about all this fantastic food. It so hard for me. Do you have any suggestions to help me thru this? I trust your opinion." What you're doing is making your problem his problem and most people LOVE to solve problems....even though they can't.

Funny thing....I do this to my wife all the time. She loves to help fix me.

Just a thought.

Coach

Surgery 4/11/12 lost 54lbs as of 5/28/12

"Bigguy" I like your approach, Dr. Phil like....

I think that if the relationship is important to you, it is essential that you calmly explain how this makes you feel and discuss a different way of interacting. I also would point out that his focus on discussing food seems new. His response will let you know how to move forward.

I guess it goes around. My wife bought a banana cream pie last night and eat it setting right next to me in the living room. My sleeve is only 6 days old.

Oh no, that sounds like no support at all. Shame on ur wife (no disrespect meant). When I had my surgery, my husband wouldn't eat anything around me, I'd even have to tell him to go ahead and eat and that I was ok. He was and 2 1/2 mo out he still is super considerate when we eat.

keepin it real

Sounds to me like he might be a little jealous.. is he at all overweight? If so, maybe he's angry that you're doing something to improve your life while he might not be able to at this moment for some reason, or maybe there's something else about the surgery that makes him angry for some reason - or he's just a jerk and you can do better for friends.

Bigguy u sneaky guy you:P

I had surgery May 10th.

My closest guy friend has been really difficult to be around since the surgery. Every time I talk to him he takes part of the conversation and talks about what he cooked' date=' ate, is eating, etc, and is very descriptive about how WONDERFUL the food is. Yesterday it was the milkshake his partner brought him, and did I remember how much chocolate is in the milkshake from this particular restaurant and OH! doesnt it remind you almost more of a custard than a milkshake? etc etc.

This was not what we talked about before my surgery. And so yesterday I said - "could we talk about something besides what you are eating? You know I can't eat much food, let's find another topic.".

At which point he told me that just be because I had ELECTIVE surgery he shouldn't have to not talk about food, and got very huffy.

I'm looking for advice. Am I being unfair? How are other people dealing with situations like this? I am really struggling![/quote']

I think he's hating too. Don't surround yourself with his negativity. If he's really your friend he wouldn't disrespect you like that. Who cares if this was "elective" surgery, he should just respect your decision and support you by not talking so much bout food. Good luck and hopefully he understands he's wrong.

keepin it real

I limit my interactions with people who are not supportive....and if that's not possible, when they start talking about food, I start talking about how much better I feel now that I've given up junk, how much weight I've lost so far, how good I'm starting to look, etc. just to annoy them the way they're trying to annoy me.

Thats a great approach!! I think thats jealously on their part so give them a taste of their own medicine!

I totally understand this. My mom is in a nursing home and her roommates daughter takes every opportunity to make me feel bad. Before my surgery she told me that her neighbor had this surgery and for me not to worry if I looked bad for about a year afterward because her neighbor did. And now every time I see her, she never fails to tell me how tired, pale, depressed I look - every.single.time. I just laugh it off but deep down it really bugs me. Hang in there, hopefully whatever is eating at your friend will disappear soon.......

I totally understand this. My mom is in a nursing home and her roommates daughter takes every opportunity to make me feel bad. Before my surgery she told me that her neighbor had this surgery and for me not to worry if I looked bad for about a year afterward because her neighbor did. And now every time I see her, she never fails to tell me how tired, pale, depressed I look - every.single.time. I just laugh it off but deep down it really bugs me. Hang in there, hopefully whatever is eating at your friend will disappear soon.......

Ugh, this. I'm sorry, I can't get with people picking on others just because they decided to do something to improve THEIR life. I'm sorry. I can't do the kumbaya, hand-holding thing with someone who is being spiteful to me. Now, I understand going the psychology route if it's a spouse, because you have to get along with them, but someone who is just a so-called friend can kiss my rapidly slimming a$$. Sorry. I'm not trying to offend anyone.

To be clear, I am not talking about a friend who goes on about their life and eats what they want to in front of me, I have no problem with that. I am talking about someone who goes out of their way to make nasty remarks.

Soon after surgery I found that I was hyper-sensitive to the tremendous amount of food ads, tv shows, meals, and conversations that surround us each and every day. I had a choice to make: hide from life which my weight was already making me do OR particpate fully. Choosing to participate brings with it challenges. I don't ever want someone to eat differently or feel guilty because they are enjoying something that I choose not to have or that my sleeve can't tolerate. I have a friend who is glutten-intolerant and we now choose to meet at restaurants with glutten free menus, but we haven't changed our friendship or the way we talk with each other because of it. However, in the beginning, I had to learn what her boundaries were and now she is needing to learn what I am comfortable with. I have made a major change in my life and I can't expect everyone to conform to my needs, but I take responsibility for informing the people I care about what I need from them. Bigguy, Shangefan and a number of other posts had some wonderful insights. Your friend probably doesn't know how to approach the subject -- unless this has been his pattern with you over the years. He has to learn at the same time you are learning. I hope it doesn't cause an riff that can't be overcome.