The Numbers Game

[vanishingvixen 40]

*stands up raises hand* My name is VVixen, and I’m a ‘Numbers‘ Wh*re. *hangs head*

See, when I first decided that I needed to do something drastic to get the weight off of my rather petite 5’3″ frame… all I had in my head was…

numbers

Numbers

NUMBERS

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In fact, from the day that I got on the scale and it had hit the 300# mark, all I could EVER think about was numbers…and getting said numbers to decrease (though in actuality, the numbers went up about 10# before going down *lol*).

I had in my head that IF I’m going to have this weight loss surgery, then I need to ensure I hit *my* goal weight of 175 – preferably by my 2 year surgery anniversary – which will be September 20. Ironically, that number has also changed and aligned itself a little more closely with my Dr.’s number of 165 — since 175 at my height is still technically OBESE. And for me, that would defeat the purpose of such a drastic measure. But I digress…

Everything was peachy the first year post-op, because the weight loss was – dare I say – pretty d@mn effortless. This second year? Not so much. I’ve worked harder than I thought I would have to, but I’m better because of it. And not only that – the results are evident. Even weekly [in my physical appearance]. so WHY do the friggen NUMBERS bother me so?!?!?

I guess they give me a more certain feeling of accomplishment. Like I KNOW I’m making progress when I see the numbers go down. *shrug*

The scale has only moved 5# in the past month…yet, in that time I’ve not only completed my first athletic feat (and signed up for many others)…but am also running/training on a very consistent basis. I journal my foods. I’m paying more attention to my nutrition. But I’m STILL up in arms about the scale not moving – thereby keeping me away from my Magic Number.

*sigh*

Well, I got a book in the mail yesterday that a friend of mine wrote. (Check it out, HERE) Within the first few pages, there was one thing that JUMPED off the page at me. Loosely quoted “the aim should not be losing WEIGHT, but losing FAT”. And as people have reminded me soooo many times before…I’m building muscle (which weighs more than fat) as I’m working out. I’m not just doing cardio/running. But also core strengthening & weight lifting.

So…

It would stand to reason that I’m building [lean] muscles. Right? (Right.)

That weigh MORE than the fat I’m losing. Right? (Right.)

Which means that while the scale might not be moving the way I want it to, that much progress is still being made. Right? (Right.)

I send my friend “The IMP” (the male counter-part of my other blog, also dear friend/photographer – who shot some pics of me on my trip to Houston back in February) a pic (left one, above ^^^) that I posted to my Weight Loss Journey Pic Album. His response?

So, I’m learning a bit…to relax on the numbers. I want RESULTS! The numbers don’t make me – my effort & progress [both inside & out] does!

I mean, who would have ever looked at me (or LOOK at me [/present tense]) and seen [/see]…an…athlete? That part still blows my mind. It hasn’t been an easy road, but I can honestly say that if I didn’t have to work so hard for it, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the results.

And that, I do!

Side note: I think I went a lil gung-ho on attempting to run every day - I hadn’t been giving my muscles enough time to repair and had been experiencing alot of hip pain. I have scaled the runs back to 3x a week (never back to back as I had been doing) – and increasing my weight training, and throwing a fun workout in once a week (ie: bellydancing, zumba, pole dancing, yoga). But look at this view on the Woodrow Wilson Bridge trail! How could I not want to take the time to enjoy this every day?

Baby steps.

Must remember not to overdue it if I want to improve on my time. My next 5k is next weekend…and I’m looking very forward to seeing how my work over the past 2 weeks plays out on the course.

Wish me luck!!