I'm not sure if this is just plain old unhappiness or if this is my depression talking....I have scheduled an appt with my primary care and therapist, but I don't know what it is. I've lost about 45 lbs, am in onederland and am now feeling better about myself....but I feel so unfullfilled. My relationship with my husband would probably make most people envious except that there really isn't any passion and i've been flirting with the idea of going elsewhere. Which I really wouldn't do, but it sounds exciting to me....something that we don't have much of these days. I talked with him about the unfullfilled feeling and he feels it too, but neither of us have any idea what to do about it. We don't have kids, and up until now, never wanted them. We started discussing it, but because of surgery, I couldn't even think about getting pregnant until next year. But I still don't know if that is a valid reason to have a child. Or if I really want one, or if I'm just bored. My career is really going well, I'm only 31 and am where most people are in my career in their mid 40's.

I feel like I live my life for everyone else. Don't get me wrong, I like being there for my husband and my family, but sometimes I just feel like I do everything for everyone else and supress what I really want to do to not make waves. (i.e. my husband is okay with me taking a class if it is free, but the minute we have to pay for it, he doesn't think its worth it. Or if he doesn't understand the importance of it, he doesn't put any value to it and doesn't think its worth the money.)

Not really sure what to do, but if anyone else has been here, I'd love to hear how you worked through it.

I should also probably say this isn't the first time I've felt like this. Its seems to be cyclical.

There is something else you said in one of your responses. You said you would be okay on your own and prefer it!

I secretly feel that way...but I let that out in anger every chance i get...THIS IS THE ROOT OF MY RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM.

SO WHAT IF WE CAN BE OKAY ON OUR OWN...the question is IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT...

I know I dont want that...I love my husband...just because we can be and probably could be better (no responsiblity to anyone but yourself) there is something amazing and beautiful about marriage....and even more A MARRIAGE THAT CAN SURVIVE and BE REBORN...like we are after surgery!

<3

My friend who had this surgery figured out that she was in her relationship because she had found someone to give her attention she never had because she was overweight. She had this surgery and lost the weight realizing the attention she was cherishing over the years was not the loving, patient and respectable kind. She had to leave the relationship. I guess what I'm saying is the weight came off to help show her she is worth more big or small, and it was realized after her weight decreased.

Not sure if this helps. Just thought I would share. I'm 2 weeks out and my husband has been supportive. I just hope our relationships doesn't change.

So this week is better....surgeon called (my appt last week got rescheduled due to an emergency surgery, but he called to follow up on the blood tests he ordered) and apparently I'm really low on Vitamin D (which is common i guess) but he wants me to start taking a supplement for it. So on top of the depression I have anyway, I guess a vit. D deficiency can make it worse. The surgeon also asked me to follow up with my PCP, which I am doing this week too. But overall, I feel better this week. I have to admit....and I am admitting this to you...my friends...because hopefully you'll understand....but part of my desire to stray was the whole "grass is greener" mentality. But when I actually saw the ex I had in mind...he had aged horribly...and I realized I have absolutely no desire for him at all....like I thought I did. And my husband truly is the catch I've known he is. Sometimes I just get the whole "what am I missing" woes and they get the best of me. But we are on a better path now, and I'm just feeling more positive, so its a step in the right direction.

Glad to see that you are feeling better. When you take food out of a relationship that can leave a void. Even before my sleeve I did go through periods of unfulfilment. I then started expressing this to my husband, so we make a point to make us time, such as mini getaways. I also make time for me, I feel that I have sacraficed so much of myself for the sake of the marriage, that's never good. I also asked my husband to buy a bike since I love to bike ride, so that's going to be our together activity.

It's easy to get married. It's hard to stay married. I see that you have a lot of support her and through your health professionals; but I'd like to add my 2-cents. Please check out this link....http://www.jayandlaura.com/

Really look at their WebSite and even like them on FaceBook. I know these people personally and they have a passion for MARRIAGE. If you can arrange it, Jay and Laura do a "Destination Event" on Mackinaw Island (Michigan) and it's 2 days of reconnecting with your spouse. They are bringing in an AMAZING guest speaker from Texas. They also travel all over the US, and even into Canada, for their "Ultimate Date Night" Seminars.

I pray you get the health, help and guidance to do what is best for you. In the meantime, I highly recommend getting a dog. Spend time training the little guy (get a smart one, like a golden retriever) and certify him/her to do therapy work. I did this when it became impossible for me to have children and I didn't know how to feel "fulfilled." The time I spend with my Charlie bringing happiness to others that are in nursing homes, hospitals, schools and libraries is very fulfilling!

Good luck to you!