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Funny - uh uh - not after the LAST bit of drama - no way no how

Dawg - yep there IS life after death - the threads here prove that LOL

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My very first dirty joke I ever told... ever.

A Vampire goes in to a bar and the bartender gets really upset.

"We dont allow vampires in here, you all make messes and freak people out when you bite them," said the bartender.

"I'll be really good. I wont bite anyone. In fact, I came in here only cause I want a glass of hot Water for a drink," pleaded the vampire.

"Well, all right I guess," and so the bartender goes and gets a coffee cup of hot water for the vampire.

He brings it back and says,"So, what are you going to do with the hot water anyway?"

The vampire pulls out a used tampon and hollers, "TEA TIME!!"

-what can I say.. I was in 7th grade.

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The first person to invent the comfy mamogram will be a billionairre.

I have to say, I want to hear zero complaints. Yes, women have pap smears, yes they have mamograms. Yes, they do have childbirth.

I'm trotting towards a time when I'll have to go for regular PROSTATE checks.

SHUDDER

There actually is a comfy mamogram-I had one-it uses the xray capability while its trying to smash you and as soon as it can read what its looking for the machine stops!! Spoils me calling it a "Smash-0-gram" but oh well. Its a great machine:clap2: .

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***it looks dead.. ..better be carefull.. ..just a couple more steps and you're past... cautiously tries to sidle past the sleeping thread, trips, falls flat on face, right in front of oncoming CHEESE TRAIN!!!

Nup - it's still kickin'

On the subject of mamograms - the squishing and PULLING that those of us with "little girls" experience during the process is surely more uncomfortable that just the squishing of "bigger girls". I had my first mamo at 16 (thanks to a lump that grew after a friend punched one of my girls) - the poor babies had barely grown yet - yeowch!! Scared 'em so much they stopped growing right then & there. ROFLMFAO! Personally, I think that pap tests are worse - and we all know that they are more embarasing than painfull. I also think that having blood pressure tested is far more uncomfortable than either a mamo or pap (yes, I am a whimp over the little things). Have the tests people, have the tests.

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Boy, I gotta tell ya, I am glad the exam for testicular cancer is not like a mammorgram.

Imagine them squishing the boys like that...

Hooooooo... Scary:omg:

I'm a gettin sympathy pain thinking about it.:)

Now, nut squishing should kill a thread.

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That's nothing. Let me tell you how the oncologist gave my grandfather his bladder treatments...

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I agree, a PAP is MUCH worse than a mamogram. and I DO NOT want to know how the oncologist got to your grandfathers bladder. however, I can guess he took the short direct route.

owowowowowowow.:omg:

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Frankly the testicular cancer exam is bad enough without squishing. I remember my doctor saying "Kind of disturbing to try and have a conversation when a man has ahold of your left testicle isn't it?"

Why yes, yes it is.

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    • Doughgurl

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      1. Phil Penn

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    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

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    • Alisa_S

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      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

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