Bad day and now I can't sleep

Barb · August 3, 2006

Disclaimer: I am likely to delete this later this week. This is not a good thing but it is bothering me to the point that I can't sleep. I don't think it is a good idea for me to call anybody and discuss this so here I go.

I have been working out of town, not unusual for me, but I have had several staff with me at different times over the past few weeks that don't regularly travel.

Today we worked until 7:30PM and then went back to the hotel. Decided to go to the bar and have a drink. I had one drink and went to my room and ordered dinner from room service, got online checked my e-mail, came here, etc.

My telephone in my hotel room rings and it is the wife of one of my male employees. She asked for her husband. I stated that she had the wrong room and said let me get his room number for you. She starts screaming at me and says I know he is in there; I know you are explicit my husband. I was stunned and I didn't know what to say, so I just said you are mistaken and I think you should call him. She demanded that I put him on the phone. I again calmly told her I can't put him on the phone because he is not here. She called me a few choice explicit names and hung up the phone.

I just sat on the bed for a few minutes thinking to myself; what the hell....

I honestly didn't know what to do and still don't. I went down to the bar and he was still down there so I just told him he needed to go call his wife. He looked at me very confused and I just walked away and came back to my room.

He is my employee (I am his direct supervisor), and he is very young, in his late twenties...........I am 39.

He came to work for me around March. I had never met his wife until a few weeks ago and we attended a scholarship gala. My husband was out of town so I picked up another coworker (female) and we rode together. When I was taking her home she said I don't think xxxx's wife likes you. When I asked her why she said she didn't think she liked the idea that he was working for a women. I just blew it off.

I will be meeting him and two other staff in the lobby at 7:30; isn't it going to be a fun day.

Alexandra · August 3, 2006

Wow, Barbara, that sucks. But it's his problem, not yours. Your employee's the one who's going to feel horrible, and he will indeed. I feel sorry for him, in fact; think about how he's going to face you! He's probably worried about his job right about now.

Yuck. You'd think this sort of thing went out with tube tops. That wife needs to wake up and smell the 21st century. Good luck!

Teresita · August 3, 2006

Just think Barb, you look so good that a twenty something is jelous of you. Whhewwww you go banded.

Now as his boss is there something you should do, should you document it or tell someone else so it does not come back to bite anyone.

Yoda · August 3, 2006

wow...yeah, that sucks for you Barb. You certainly can't ignore it, either. At least, I don't think so....you will prob have to discuss it with your employee.

Good luck....tough one!

mousecrazy · August 3, 2006

Well, now, didn't he go and marry a needy one? She will certainly be a hindrance to his career. You handled everything very professionally. I would document the call, time and content, and your response, time and content.

Document whatever is said today in regard to it.

If you have a supervisor, I would pass that documentation forward, I think, just in case she is even crazier and calls up the line.

There is nothing here that reflects on you, but a real problem for your male employee, who cannot trust his wife. Now, whether he is trustworthy or not, who knows? But no woman should be calling her husband's supervisor and making accusations that involve the F word...that's just wrong, wrong, wrong.

Hope you got some sleep...

Marimaru · August 3, 2006

Wow Barb. I hope you got some sleep after you posted this. If it were me, I think I would have to have a converstation with my employee about it. He needs to know that his wife is going to ruin his career, because how one's family acts certainly reflects on the person.

I hope that today is better for you and that your phone doesn't ring tonight.

Elisabethsew · August 3, 2006

I don't agree that this is the employee's problem and not yours. If might very well become a big problem for you if you don't act on it. I would suggest calling a meeting with the employee and have a 3rd party present (either your equal or your superior). Spell out the problem, what will and will not be tolerated and consequences of this happening again.

DonnaB · August 3, 2006

I don't agree that this is the employee's problem and not yours. If might very well become a big problem for you if you don't act on it. I would suggest calling a meeting with the employee and have a 3rd party present (either your equal or your superior). Spell out the problem, what will and will not be tolerated and consequences of this happening again.

I ABSOLUTELY agree with Elisabethsew. I feel bad for the guy because it probably will damage his relationship with the company, but you really don't want his wife's accusations damaging YOUR relationship with the company.

Document, document, document. WITH a third party.

(Was it at least an ego boost? - Is the guy cute? LOL I'm kidding.)

leatha_g · August 3, 2006

Sounds like this man and his wife have some very serious counseling needed. She is extremely insecure and obviously hurting. But what do we know of her reasoning? Perhaps he has given her reason not to trust him. I think in your discussion with him, I would certainly suggest he and his wife get counseling to prevent this further damaging his marriage or career.

wavydaby · August 3, 2006

I TOTALLY agree with everyone on going to your boss and letting him know what happened. See if you can get the hotel to provide you something that shows the inbound # calls you got that show when she called you. YOU MUST go to HR and your boss on this.

She's psycho!!! And God only knows if he told his wife some kind of lie or fantasy or what ever.

vinesqueen · August 3, 2006

Yup, you've gotta call HR, and document this whole mess. Check your company's sexual harrassment policy, not that anyone has actually been harrassed, but frequently in the policy there is something that will help deal with situations.

I'm so sorry for you and everyone invomeved.

Barb · August 4, 2006

I still can't believe I posted this; I knew I might later regret it when I did it. I just wanted to talk to somebody so bad! I thought long and hard about calling my husband before I posted it but decided that might not be a good idea. I didn't want it to make him start to wonder, I know there is some of that anyway. Sometimes I just feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. That is especially true when it comes to the band because only my husband, brother and one friend know; no one else, not my mother, co-workers, etc. But, there are a few other situations like this one where I feel all alone out here. I worked so hard to get here and sometimes wonder if it is really worth it. I am rambling I know but I am just feeling really low right now; being extremely tired isn't helping either.

I did talk with him this morning; and I put him on the early afternoon flight home. Not as punishment but so he could go work out his problems at home. He has only been married a little over a year and he told me she (his wife) is pregnant.

I also called the Executive Director and told him after I put him on the plane. The Executive Director, CFO, and I all report to the Board of Directors so he is not technically my boss, but he used to be my boss before I moved up. I don't intend to take it to the board at this time and the HR Department is directly under me. And no, he does not work in HR; I have several departments I oversee. He is in a department without a Director at the moment which is why I am his direct supervisor. It is a different situation to deal with when the accusations are directed at you.

And, I did document it all. I am going to let it be for now and see if we can get finished tomorrow now that we are one person short.

Thanks for being my sounding board.........it is always nice to know I have LBT.