"....you Look Fine"

[brandymarie81 108]

OMG!!! My aunt, who is at LEAST the same size as me, has been talking about doing WLS for years, then when I decide that I am moving forward and I tell her she goes off on this rant about how she would never do WLS...that if she can't do it on her own then she will just be fat. Then she starts telling me that I will have to change how and what I eat...that I can't have all the good stuff anymore...I was like, I eat more veggies and fruits than you do. Im not a fan of sugary items or breads...When it was only her that was going to the WLS it was the best thing EVER...but as soon as she might have some competition or something she wont do it...ANNOYING!

[circa 333]

Some people will put you down because they don't want to be "the fat one in the room" - My sister in law used to do that to me when I was training for a marathon- I was already physically fit, but I'm 7 inches taller than her and have a bigger frame. Well, she was eating crap all the time so she was getting to be the same size as me - I started to shrink and she would criticize my eating choices, saying "I don't know why you eat that way - it doesn't do anything for you - its not working - here, have a cookie" She finally admitted that she was afraid of being the biggest person in the room.

She saw her own insecurities being addressed by someone else, leaving her with the only one with the insecurities. She was then going to be "noticed" - if more than one person is "like that" you have this idea that you can hide among them and remain unnoticed.

None of it is true, but I think your Aunt has that theory in her head.

[brandymarie81 108]

oh you are SO right! she doesn't want to be the biggest person in the family...i mean...we are a portly group...don't get me wrong...but all of us are looking to do something about it...

when she sees that i am successful in my journey then maybe she will try to do something about her weight...

i have to do what will make me healthy and happy...because I want to raise my son and see him have kids of his own someday...and she can suck it! I am done trying to please everyone else...this journey is for me and my kid...noone else!

[M2G 1,836]

BUT, i've had a couple of family members being like "i don't remember you being a different size". That one sucks big time. I am literally half the size I was (went from a 24 to 12) and I look the same? Thanks.

I have friends from Curves who all say the same thing, "I just don't remember you being that BIG" when I pull out the photos. They saw me EVERY DAY at that size, but I guess they think they are being polite to say that they didn't notice the elephant in the room. Cuz I sure remember how it felt to be that big! (and I've changed the same sizes as you from a 24 to a 12, even some 10's woot!)

[mina 27]

I love this topic..It's amazing how similar our experiences are. I was told "you're not that big just exercise and eat right like you did before".. when i lost 20 lbs, i was told you look fine you don't need to lose anymore and that has been the refrain since then. When i was 180 my mom begged me not lose anymore. People love saying "girl you are going to blow away" "quick grab on to something there's a strong wind outside" I just laugh it off but it gets old fast. I'm a size 12 and weighs 170 so i'm not an anorexic. One sister is feeling threatened and the other one can't weight to be able to wear my clothes (they are both smaller than me). I honestly don't care about what other's opinions are about my weight, I have a goal in mind and I am feeling healthy and beautiful and that's all that matter.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I hate this too. My friend thinks she knows everything and has told me that I don't need the surgery. LOL I'm now alot skinnier than her and all she talks about is how she eats so little. Ummm?

[Globetrotter 1,340]

I know how you feel!! My mom is this tiny 5 foot 98 pound woman with huge boobs and hair! I, on the other hand, am 5'6" and about 2 and a half times her weight! She always said stuff like "Your arms are so saggy, why don't you lift weights while you do your hw or watch tv?" "Why don't you just stop eating so much?", "I worked out and got fit, why can't you?" As soon as I mentioned the VSG all I have been hearing is: "You better not get smaller than me!" "I think you should stop at a 12" "You would look weird thin" "Are you sure you want to do this?" I love my mum - but it is like never ending nagging! Geez. :/

That is the MOST toxic, psychotic, narcissistic, passive-aggressive BULLSHIT! Man, that really pulls my trigger. F***ing people who actually secretly (or not so secretly) delight in your fat vulerability because it makes them feel better about themselves! And should you upset the status quo, they really flip out! They desperatey NEED for you to stay unhappy, to better congratulate themselves on being superior!! fuuuuuu** that shi*.

[former_vbg 198]

Ok, so I have to chime in a recent experience too. I've had several tell me I shouldn't lose anymore weight as well, that I already look gaunt in the face and well, that part is a little true, but honestly I think that has more to do with extra skin in my face than being too thin- cuz I'm not. I'm 5'3 or 5'4" depending on which Dr. of mine you ask...Anyhoo and I weight 155# as of today- so no, I'm not too thin. The majority of what I have left is in my mid-section and well, let's face it ladies we know how compression shirts and Spanx help make things appear what they aren't, right? Do I want to be a barbie doll? Certainly not, I just want to get to a weight that is healthy and where I will feel my best. I'm going to have lots of loose skin, batwings for arms, hanging apron on my tummy and I don't know what they call the excess skin for your thighs- but I will have it. No amount of weight loss will change that.

Ok, so getting to my point. I see a therapist occasionally, and she tells me last week that she talked to the NUT in her office (who I have also seen) thinks I might want to re-think my final goal weight because the BMI scale isn't all that reliable. Ok, I might agree with her somewhat because the typical BMI calculators have no way to know what your muscle/ bodyfat indexes are, small, medium, large framed, etc. And, many don't even ask you for your gender. Anyhow, I know she only has my best interests at heart, but seriously, I know where my weight needs to be.... She's probably an inch or 2 taller than me and I would bet she can't weigh more than 120# herself. Now, she has a small frame and such, but still.

I know people mean well (most of the time) when they say you shouldn't lose more weight, but it does get awfully old.