Ok here it goes.. Today was a beautiful day here so my family decided to take a little boat ride out to the ocean.. We started out doing good and then oops my husband didnt stay in the channel and we hit the grass flats.. We just didnt hit them we got stuck to where our boat didnt move.. we were in about a foot of Water and werent going nowhere.. My kids were freaking out and my husband started getting rude... Once you get stuck on the flats the only way of getting off is to get out and push until you get into deeper water or you wait for high tide to come back in... Well, we tried both.. First he tried to get out and push but it was hard to move the boat bc of being grounded.. So he started on the mean kick and saying that I was the fattest in the boat and that my fat ass is causing us to be stuck there.. it was very degrading and embarrassing since my kids were in the boat.. So for the next 3 hours all I heard from the family was how fat I was and needed to get out of the boat and push.. I was like WTH... I am not getting out and why are you taking your stupidity out on me...

Here I am on my pre-op diet and doing really well.. my surgery is the 21st so I know I am heading in the right direction.. but after today I wanted to come home and eat the house.. thank god I didnt and just had a Protein shake with some dinner but I was still mad when we got back.. he never even said sorry for what he had done.. I feel like sometimes my husband holds me back on succeeding bc of his mean actions...

So here is my questions to you all... Does our husbands hold us back from succeeding in life bc of their mean behavior?? I could be the only one out there that has this issue but I really feel like our emotions and eating depend on how we are treated sometimes.. it has been a long 10 yrs of this.. I am ready to take charge and show him I can handle things when his dishes it out... sorry if this doesnt belong in a thread but just wondering if I am alone on this or are others out there with same issues...

Sweetie, I don't have anywhere near the same problem... but I'm posting to let you know that you are supported At least, you are supported here if not at home. You deserve a happy life... thin or fat. Value yourself. Love yourself. I wish you the very best.

And good for YOU for not using this crappy day to overeat! You will SUCCEED!!!

You are going to rock your sleeve and get skinny and he's going to be sorry he every talked to you like that! Don't let him get you down. You are going to do the biggest

thing you have ever done for yourself, so he better watch out!

I really would like to be able to give you a nice, peaceful resolution, but I'm just not that person. I probably would have slapped the absolute mess outta him and then I would have given him the worst cussing of his life. But what will probably be the sweetest revenge is when you get slim, and have other men salivating over you.

It is absolutely unacceptable for a man to speak to his wife in such a way. About ANYthing. You are his queen and you should be treated as such. He is to live with you in an understanding way. I would cry for a week if my husband even HINTED at the fact that I have an adverse effect on gravity! (of course we're not stupid, we know I'm huge, he's just respectful about my feelings.) Your husband shouldn't be dishing out anything but kindness and love to you! I'll say it....He needs Jesus! I do pray things get better for you and he has a change of heart.

Other than that...I'm with Shoelover!!!

It is totally unacceptable for a man, ANY man, to talk to you like that!!! And to encourage your kids to chime in is inexcusable!! It is called ABUSE and it is exactly as if he hit you and then stood by while onlookers kicked and punched you.

You say you have been putting up with this for Ten years?!? I would have told this bozo goodbye long ago. Verbal abuse is insidious and wears down our self esteem, then causes us to believe the crap the abuser is saying.

I am thrilled that you are doing wLS for yourself! That is a positive step in the right direction. You need to also set some boundaries with your kids and hubby. The kids are not allowed to be rude and disrespectful to you, no matter what hubby says or does. I wouldn't let hubby continue with that crap either, even if it meant you are continually saying "you are not allowed to be rude and nasty to me".

He will either get the picture quickly, or he would be EX hubby. My dh is very similar to yours in that he thinks he is allowed to say anything he likes to me and use me as a scapegoat for all his problems. The difference is that mine will soon be an ex because I won't tolerate being treated like that.

Good luck!!

Lissa

awww, thanks guys for all the support and caring words.. I am soooo glad i have a place like this to come to for advice and help.. I really accpreciate the words and I will totally rock my sleeve.. you just wait, I will make him eat his words... LMAO.. I cant wait for my journey...

There is no. way. in. hell. I would put up with that kind of treatment. That is so far outside what is remotely acceptable. I'm sorry he treats you like this, you deserve better than that.

I understand what you are dealing with because I dealt with the exact same thing in the past. Nothing hurts more than hearing your husband saying demeaning things to you about your weight. I was not overweight until after I had my daughter. Looking back, the more he said about my weight, the more I found comfort in food and before I knew it I had gained 60 lbs. I finally got to a place where I was dieting and working out with a trainer and got the self esteem back and got a divorce. But it took me 12 years to get to that place. A few years later I met a guy that seemed to love me and accept me exactly as I was. It didn't take long to figure out I was in the same situation again and refused to go down that path. The marriage lasted less than two years. I have been divorced now for over a year. I am finally starting to find the true me again and I am doing this WLS for nobody else but ME.

I hope you can remind yourself that you do indeed to be treated with respect and although he has gotten by with it in the past, stand strong and tell him you are no longer willing to be disrespected in that way. Also, remind yourself that your weight is not the cause of his bad moods.Work on you FOR you and nobody else.

We are here for you at any time.

Plese take to heart what others before me said. Please see that for what it is.

I was there before, many years ago, people like that do not generally change. Your weight loss is going to inpower you in ways you do not even see now.

I am at my biggest now and my husband would never thnk of ever being that hateful. He might ask me to get out of the boat and help push but never degrade me. Personnally I would make the kids get out and push Mama off the flat...lol.

Bless you lady. You are very very valuable!!!

Thank you all for your support and I am ashamed to say that I know what he does is abuse.. I have known that since the first year we were married.. I have thought of divorce for years but I have little ones and feel they deserve a life with both parents.. It is so hard to live life with someone that isnt there for you mentally or even in the marriage.. I was abandoned right out of the gate of marriage beacause he valued his job and business more then he did our family.. His work and life is more important then we are but when asked why he isnt there for us his response is that he is there supporting the family to live.. I guess you can say I have gotten used to being talked to that way and a single parent during the week.. I figured I deserved it since he lets me stay home with the kids.. I have no family left and his is all I have to depend on.. I guess I just have lost myself over the years and my self esteem but this year will be a big change for me.. once i feel I can succeed then I can do many more things in life and not depend on him as much..

thanks to all that have responded and shared things..you have made me realize that this is abuse and not exceptable... I am really glad I found this site.. it will be a big help in my journey... thanks again

Don't underestimate the damage the abuse is doing to the kids. Staying for the kids isn't a good thing. It is teaching them that it is acceptable to treat a woman this way and if they are girls it is showing them that is what they should expect from a relationship. I know it can be hard and take a long time and lots of planning to make it right, but it sounds like you need to consider where things will go in the future. Have you tried marriage counseling?

My husband is pretty good, although he has said a stupid thing (or 2 or 3...)(I will be married 30 yrs this yr). The first time he talked disrespectful to me, I was shocked and took it. Then I started taking different approaches like I say to him "Let me get this right, that's how you talk to YOUR WIFE, the ONLY one that truly loves you, no matter YOUR shortcomings? Or You are talking to me like I am a piece of S**T?" How would you like it if I spoke to you like that? OR I'm glad your so perfect and then I point out one of his shortcomings, Or "I may be fat, but I can change. I guess you are just nasty. Maybe you should work on that". Or I have also snapped back "WTF you Jacka**". I find though if you curse too much it loses its effectiveness. I have also said, "How would you like it if someone talked to YOUR daughter like that? Your daughter hears you, and she is going to think this bulls**t is ok. How would you like to get a call from her, at 2 am, crying that her husband treated her this way? (This I found particularly effective). Vary your response, because I think you need to catch him off guard to be effective. Just make sure you respond EVERYTIME he asks like a fool. Anyone who has been married long enough has put up with some stupidity- you are NOT alone! Good luck.

My husband is pretty good, although he has said a stupid thing (or 2 or 3...)(I will be married 30 yrs this yr). The first time he talked disrespectful to me, I was shocked and took it. Then I started taking different approaches like I say to him "Let me get this right, that's how you talk to YOUR WIFE, the ONLY one that truly loves you, no matter YOUR shortcomings? Or You are talking to me like I am a piece of S**T?" How would you like it if I spoke to you like that? OR I'm glad your so perfect and then I point out one of his shortcomings, Or "I may be fat, but I can change. I guess you are just nasty. Maybe you should work on that". Or I have also snapped back "WTF you Jacka**". I find though if you curse too much it loses its effectiveness. I have also said, "How would you like it if someone talked to YOUR daughter like that? Your daughter hears you, and she is going to think this bulls**t is ok. How would you like to get a call from her, at 2 am, crying that her husband treated her this way? (This I found particularly effective). Vary your response, because I think you need to catch him off guard to be effective. Just make sure you respond EVERYTIME he asks like a fool. Anyone who has been married long enough has put up with some stupidity- you are NOT alone! Good luck.

P.S.

Sanabel Island is awesome, what a beautiful place to live!!!!

HI

i think some husbands or men in general think they can get away with verbally abusing their wives because they figure the wife doesn't want to be alone, so they can use them as a 'beating" board" or whatever.

of course this hopefully for many isn't true but.......

my DH wouldn't ever say anything mean like that, of course in our case, he's overweight too, is that good or bad?

kathy

kathy