BIG secret... good or bad?

[NewLife2011 13]

I told no one. I went to Mexico alone and left a letter in my house for the authorities to find if I died there and threw it away when I got home. It has been seven months since surgery and I doubt that I will ever tell. It's no one's business but mine.

Wow! One tough cookie! Good for you!!!

[NewLife2011 13]

I have told only my 18 year old son and will not be telling anyone else. I have constructed an elaborate story to explain my absence at work and fortunately do not have to explain to family members as it is only my son and I in the USA, everyone else lives on different continents around the world. I know people will ask questions when the weight starts dropping off and I have the answers all ready for that too!

I am a very, very private person, I also am very insecure and a loner – this may be the cause of my weight issues but that’s a topic for a different day.

The interesting thing is that there is a woman at work who had the surgery a few months ago and I am dying to confide in her but do not trust her enough to do so. She told everyone at work about the surgery and seems to revel in all the attention she gets.

Obviously she is a lot more self-confident and comfortable in the limelight than I am, so this is going to be between me and my son only. I am not even telling my friends (don’t have too many of those – which is a good thing in this case

[QueenBee 0]

Five months out now, and shared with no one but my husband. I didn't feel it was anyone's business. Good luck with your decision. Greatest choice I ever made, was to have this surgery!!

[To Be Thin 2011 80]

I told some prior to surgery and while the words were still coming out of my mouth I was met with negativity.

Siince surgery, I have told maybe 3-4 people that ask and you know what, I regret even telling them... because they feel the need to tell others and then more, and it is no ones business but mine and in hind sight now I WISH I HAD KEPT MY BIG FAT MOUTH SHOUT!... it has taken me 7 months now, but I will tell no one, it is my own business.

Good Luck on your surgery, everything will be fine!

[kellyw74 258]

I had my surgery May 9th of this year and the only person that knows is my husband!!

I didn't feel it was anyone's business and I really did not want to hear all of the negative b.s. from people.

I lost 55lbs pre-op, therefore, as I continue to lose nobody really questions my loss.

It really is a personal choice to tell or not. I choose not to.

kelly

[june13sleever 223]

I tell everyone! And what is so funny everyone always says either I had the bypass surgery x many years ago or their sister did or their friend did. I was just on the phone with a woman who when I said it she said...I had bypass 10 years ago. This was just last week! I love telling people! The day before my surgery I was eating broth at a restaurant with my family and the waitress said...honey, why aren't you eating anything. I told her...I am having gastric sleeve surgery tomorrow. She said....I had bypass 6 years ago. I don't feel ashamed about what I did! I have realized that most people just do not know what it is like to be fat. It is horrible. I think most people with the means and knowledge would opt for this surgery. I also have pretty thick skin...But don't most of us? I grew up as a fat kid and never once have been skinny skinny so maybe my skin is a little thicker, but I would love it for someone to judge me, I like the opportunity to rebuttle.

***BTW I remember the woman I was on the phone with ate her entire meal and an appitizer with nothing left on the plate. Looking back, now that I know she had bypass...I am freaked out a little. I mean she really at the WHOLE MEAL. It wasn't a little meal either! IT WAS A BIG A** PLATE OF FOOD!

[indy sleever 6]

So many great replies. It really is such a personal decision. I just don't want anyone "monitoring" my progress. I don't want to answer to anyone if I reach a plateau and they think my procedure is not working. I guess in the end I will keep all this to myself... this is for me!

[Soon2BMiniMommy 92]

Me, too, jlm. I'm keeping it to myself, my hubby and mom only. I have mentioned it in the past and have also been met with negativity and judgmental comments. I actually do have a thick skin, and normally don't care what people think. I am like you, though - I don't want people monitoring my progress, asking 'how much did you lose this week/month/day/whatever', asking how I'm doing, or like you said, if I hit a plateau, or God forbid, it doesn't work!! It's my business and no one else's.

I do have a question for all of you out there though, that have also not told - what kind of comments or answers do you give to those who ask "Why aren't you eating"? Or "Is that ALL you're having"? I have many client/vendor lunches and coworker events, etc, and need a store of easy responses. I remember there was one woman a while back who had the band and no one at her work knew, and one of her coworkers mentioned that her 'anorexic' eating habits were making everyone look bad and that she needed to be careful or she would end up in the hospital. *Sigh*. Some people, right?

I have some I've thought of but would really, really appreciate what you all say/have said. For those of us who want to keep our wonderful secret, I would love some ideas!!!

[AutumnLily 77]

I only confided my surgery to my personal doctor here and all of the people on this forum. Other than that I went to Mexico by myself and left a note as Foxbins did in case something happened. When I got home I told my immediate family and told them it was to go no further than them. I have family and friends that are real horrible gossips so I will not provide the fodder for their gossip.

It is personal preference for each and every person.

[indy sleever 6]

Me, too, jlm. I'm keeping it to myself, my hubby and mom only. I have mentioned it in the past and have also been met with negativity and judgmental comments. I actually do have a thick skin, and normally don't care what people think. I am like you, though - I don't want people monitoring my progress, asking 'how much did you lose this week/month/day/whatever', asking how I'm doing, or like you said, if I hit a plateau, or God forbid, it doesn't work!! It's my business and no one else's.

I do have a question for all of you out there though, that have also not told - what kind of comments or answers do you give to those who ask "Why aren't you eating"? Or "Is that ALL you're having"? I have many client/vendor lunches and coworker events, etc, and need a store of easy responses. I remember there was one woman a while back who had the band and no one at her work knew, and one of her coworkers mentioned that her 'anorexic' eating habits were making everyone look bad and that she needed to be careful or she would end up in the hospital. *Sigh*. Some people, right?

I have some I've thought of but would really, really appreciate what you all say/have said. For those of us who want to keep our wonderful secret, I would love some ideas!!!

Since I haven't had my procedure done yet I can only say what I plan to tell people. Since I am keeping this very private I plan to leave out the part that I had surgery and share all the other diet details. Think of all the crazy diets out there... what could be so bad about just eating really small portions?!? At least that is what I am thinking! I have no idea how fast the weight will come off and if it is a big drop really quickly I have a feeling I have a lot of friends/family who will quickly be jumping on the broth diet with me I tend to have a lot of business dinners and even a business trip coming up at 8 weeks after surgery. Most of the people I will see on that trip will likely notice that I have lost weight. And I will be eating dinner with them a few nights that I am gone so they will witness my barely eating. What can you do? I am going to just roll with it! Thank goodness my husband will be with me on the business trip. He will back up any story I put out there!

[Oregondaisy 2,020]

I told my kids and my best friend who was getting sleeved a week after me.

I just told people ( everyone knows I work out all the time) that my exercising and eating right was finally paying off !

[Lakelady 2]

I'm not telling either, only my husband and a co-worker who has also had WLS know. I'm actually not much of a "sharer" anyway. People are really curious about my weight loss and new eating habits but I just don't say anything. I guess I'm conscious of the fact that I had a "low" BMI (felt high enough to me!) when I had surgery. I do feel sorry for people who are jealous of me because I make losing weight look so easy! This surgery is just a medical procedure to take care of my ravenous appetite and get control of my well-being. It doesn't define me.

I went out last night with a couple colleagues to a nice place. They finished their food and I got a box. I shouldn't have had the creme brulee but I did. When we were walking back to the office I actually vomited a small amount just around the corner. I just said something didn't settle right and ran off to the bathroom to throw up what my stomach couldn't handle. Please don't t think this was what my life is always like, I really over ate and knew it! It was terrible and I almost felt obligated to tell after that, but today I think they pretty much have forgotten the incident. NO DESSERT!!!

[lob1999 0]

I told no one. I went to Mexico alone and left a letter in my house for the authorities to find if I died there and threw it away when I got home. It has been seven months since surgery and I doubt that I will ever tell. It's no one's business but mine.

This is my plan (except the Mexico part). I don't have a surgery date, but I don't plan on telling anyone when I do. I'll have to get time off a work, but I should be able to say it's a vacation.

[soonercandy 14]

At first I didn't tell anyone, but then I thought to myself.....I am taking a huge step here. I am doing something that I know a lot of people are scared to do. I am proud of myself! I slowly started telling people around me and I began to notice how much it actually helped me. My friends were making conscious decisions about where to eat because they knew I could only eat certain things. They helped me find and borrow clothes when I started to lose. It was great. I was scared to tell because I thought having surgery made me look weak. It doesn't!! I made a decision to change my life, and I will take all the support I can get. I have even told strangers that I run into when on business. It has been liberating sharing my secret!!

[itscometothis 12]

I have so much to say about this and keep trying to make a response but it is just far too long. Whether to tell or not is a very important subject for some of us. I am one of them.

Here is the short version of a very long string of thoughts...

When I am fat I feel judged. I hate that feeling. People want to be sooooo helpful.. "Just eat less.. exercise, cut out carbs, just walk every day, don't eat after 7pm...do this do that... GAWD!! I know so much about weight loss and how to achieve it that I could write a book! Don't we all? If there was a way to KEEP it off we wouldn't be here. And that's the problem.. keeping it off LONG TERM. This is what I want so I turned to the sleeve.

So, here I am... newly sleeved. Now I am faced with the same problem as you..and MANY of us. Do I tell people? I don't like being judged because I am fat... so why would I want to tell people I had the sleeve to lose weight? I would be right back to being judged, just for something else. And the thing is, if people know you have had the sleeve they will likely gossip. Is there a person alive who doesn't think that this is a juicy piece of gossip? Because it is.. it just is. People talk... I don't want to be the talk of the office. I want to be seen as a person, not a fat person, and not a fat person who got the sleeve because she couldn't do it the old fashion way.(by the way, if the old fashion way worked then the diet industry wouldn't be making billions of dollars off of us) I just want to feel free of all that. I know a woman at work who had the bypass and when people mention her they always mention the bypass as well. She is not just Wendy, she is Wendy who had the bypass. I personally think that is crappy.

I want to be who I am..not the surgery I had to get there.

xo