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Hubby wants bypass but I don't

420gal

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420gal    1

420gal
Posted

My husband and I are both seeking WLS. Our doctor recommended the sleeve for me and gastric bypass for hubby. We both have to lose about 100 pounds each.

Here's the problem: I am terrified about hubby getting gastric bypass. I really want him to have the sleeve. Even though I keep coming to him with research and facts about the complications with bypass, food restrictions, etc....he doesn't care. He read somewhere that bypass patients tend to lose more weight than sleeve patients and that's all he cares about.

I know it's a personal and individual decision and I'm trying to be the supportive wife, but I'm so worried for him. I'm going with him to his second appt tomorrow to ask the doctor why he suggested the bypass over the sleeve for hubby.

Should I be trying to convince hubby to be sleeved or keep my mouth shut and let him go ahead with the bypass?

Thanks in advance!

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feedyoureye    3,087

feedyoureye
Posted

My husband and I are both seeking WLS. Our doctor recommended the sleeve for me and gastric bypass for hubby. We both have to lose about 100 pounds each.

Here's the problem: I am terrified about hubby getting gastric bypass. I really want him to have the sleeve. Even though I keep coming to him with research and facts about the complications with bypass, food restrictions, etc....he doesn't care. He read somewhere that bypass patients tend to lose more weight than sleeve patients and that's all he cares about.

I know it's a personal and individual decision and I'm trying to be the supportive wife, but I'm so worried for him. I'm going with him to his second appt tomorrow to ask the doctor why he suggested the bypass over the sleeve for hubby.

Should I be trying to convince hubby to be sleeved or keep my mouth shut and let him go ahead with the bypass?

Thanks in advance!

Its good you will be going to his Dr apt to ask questions. You might ask your husband to check out this website too... There are lots of posts on this site that list the reasons to get the sleeve over RNY... Check out tiffykins... she has made some great lists... Like you say, in the end it is his personal choice...

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former_vbg    198

former_vbg
Posted

My husband and I are both seeking WLS. Our doctor recommended the sleeve for me and gastric bypass for hubby. We both have to lose about 100 pounds each.

Here's the problem: I am terrified about hubby getting gastric bypass. I really want him to have the sleeve. Even though I keep coming to him with research and facts about the complications with bypass, food restrictions, etc....he doesn't care. He read somewhere that bypass patients tend to lose more weight than sleeve patients and that's all he cares about.

I know it's a personal and individual decision and I'm trying to be the supportive wife, but I'm so worried for him. I'm going with him to his second appt tomorrow to ask the doctor why he suggested the bypass over the sleeve for hubby.

Should I be trying to convince hubby to be sleeved or keep my mouth shut and let him go ahead with the bypass?

Thanks in advance!

At the end of the day this is an individual choice, but as his spouse you should take the extra step like you already have in trying to show him the pitfalls of the GB. The only other thing I can suggest is to try and get him to visit the www.obesityhelp.com website. Here is the link that is a forum that talks about complications- but it covers all surgeries. The thing that you or your husband might notice is very few people show up in there with issues from the Sleeve. Can't say the same thing about the GB. I wish you luck.

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/complications/

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KellyL    173

KellyL
Posted

That's exactly what I was about to ask, why bypass for him?? Weird. Let your hubby know he will lose faster and easier regardless, cuz he's a man and they always lose better than us!!!!(no fair!!)

And you probably already have pointed out the regain ppl have with bypass, so it defeats purpose of putting yourself at more risks to lose a little more, if that's gonna come back anyway. But he will always be stuck with malabsorbing Vitamins and nutrients. His tummy won't be able to ever be scoped. He will have to fight the hunger hormone with a tiny pouch that stretches easier than the sleeve. This part alone makes the sleeve way more attractive!!! I understand your concern! Good luck!

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chef neil    25

chef neil
Posted

Hi-

My wife had RnY and I am sleeved.

two people seeking a better life- two different avenues- same destination...

she is very happy and well adjusted 6 months out, I am not, 11 days out.

I have had a hard time eating and drinking...

Support him!

In the end you both will be eating the same diet.

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feedyoureye    3,087

feedyoureye
Posted

Hi-

My wife had RnY and I am sleeved.

two people seeking a better life- two different avenues- same destination...

she is very happy and well adjusted 6 months out, I am not, 11 days out.

I have had a hard time eating and drinking...

Support him!

In the end you both will be eating the same diet.

In all fairness Neil, you will be happy and well adjusted at 6 months as well.... Im sure she wasn't 100% at 11 days....

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ybnormal    21

ybnormal
Posted

Just like you, he gets to make his own choice as this is his body and the rest of his life that he has to deal with. Like ChefNeil said, at the end of the day, y'all will likely be eating the same way anyway. Also, don't stress. Dr. Aceves told me he can convert the RNY to the sleeve with a revision if the person so chooses or if they stretch their pouch out and gain the weight back. Maybe the sleeve sounds too permanent to him? I mean come on, it's scary thinking omg...my stomach will be GONE! No turning back from that! So maybe for your husband it's a little too drastic for his taste. Everyone's weight loss is individual and you get out what you put into it so he may do just fine with the rny and you, better with the sleeve, who knows?

Don't stress and try not to stress him out over this. let him know that since it's a malabsorption issue though, he will have to go in for lab work every few months (I think for the first year but not sure about that).

Renee`

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former_vbg    198

former_vbg
Posted

Just came across a posting about some people who had to have their RNY's reversed due to severe health issues from the surgery.

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/complications/4400639/2-5-years-since-I-had-my-RNY-REVERSED/

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Go To Topic Listing PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A

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    • LeighaTR

      LeighaTR

      Four days post surgery. I am sipping as fast as I can and getting NO WHERE near the goal of 60 - 80 grams of protein or the 64 oz of liquids. I just feel FULL. I don't know if it can still be the gas build up (I would think by now that would be gone) but it is a struggle to drink. And so far I have not had the nausea or spasms and don't want to wander into that territory by pushing too hard with liquids. I about passed out today as it was my most "strenuous" day. Went from second story to basement for shower and I was sure I was going to pass out. Looking back on my last few days I have had a total of less than 1000 calories. Am I just not getting enough nourishment in me? Once again a friday where I can't get ahold of the doc until Monday rolls back around so I am hoping maybe someone here has some experience on how to keep energy going. I do have fibromyalgia too and that may be where some added fatigue comes into play. How did you all fair with the goals the week after surgery?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 1 reply
      1. Phil Penn

        Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

    • LeighaTR

      LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

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