Day 22: This better not be the new normal.

[crosswind 134]

I was really looking foward to eating again but there are some drawbacks to coming off a liquid diet.

First thing is your stomach wakes up and wants to have a long, serious talk with you,.

I woke up today feeling a little sick. Just a little nauseated, a few cramps in my intestines. The tummy is pissed. The tummy wants to know what it ever did to me. And finally, the tummy is putting up with none of the shit I tried to lay on it before. Oh, no. It is in charge now. It is recovering from surgery and no way in hell is it parting with the TV remote.

Eating was a little easier today mostly because I applied some of the principles I've read here on the board and also because I gave up trying to eyeball what I thought would go in my stomach and broke out the kitchen measuring implements.

1/2 cup Special K Protein Cereal. Out of the measuring cup and into the bowl. 1/2 cup milk. Slowly. 30/30/30.

1/2 cup Healthy Choice red Beans and rice Soup. Chew. Swallow. Slow slow slow.

1/2 cup cottage cheese.

It all went down pretty well but the whole time I've felt guilty for eating at all, and also nervous that I had to measure. See the thing with me is I can either be hyper-undisciplined and just dive into the carb ocean, fall asleep inside a cherry pie. Or I can be like this. Obsessive compulsive. How many calories? How many carbs? If I get it into my head to eat according to the numbers no kitchen implement, measuring device or obsessive thought goes untouched. I was hoping that this surgery would free me of *both* things so I could be a normal person so really just the introduction of digestable food has given me a case of nerves.

I caught myself thinking today that I might have gained weight because I ate a mashed potato yesterday and felt vanquished.

Okay. So this is all stuff I've read people on the boards saying before. Learning how to eat again is weird and miserable and usually causes some kind of strange breakdown somewhere later in in the first month. I did not actually regret what I did to myself but there was a sudden realization that all the unconscious food assumptions i had made up to right now were no longer going to help. Because my stomach simply was not going to let me get away with a single bad choice.

My son told me he thought the reason that WLS works so well is tha basically you're afraid your stomach with explode if you eat too much. It's actually not like that, it won't explode. It will *complain*, the way the villagers complain via pitchforks and barn burning. My stomach now reminds me of my mother, who I would rather kill me than *complain* at me.

I allso went swimming yesterday and loved it. I've been looking forward to that for three weeks but a few hours after I got home I felt cold and squeezed out. I couldn't get warm for the rest of the night. I turned the thermostat up to almost eighty and snuggled a heating pad. And finally I realized I overdid it. An hour in the pool after recenly...well, recently...was just too much.

Just because you can have a mashed potato does not mean you're fully recovered. On the contrary, it means you've got all this other crap to do like count the number of times you chew your oatmeal and figuring out how to not be so overcome with stupidity you don't even know it's time to get out of the pool. .

Recovery is ongoing. Today I recovered from overdoing it in the pool yesterday, and overdoing my portions yesterday because when your stomach says NOT ONE MORE MOUTHFUL it is truly not kidding. And I am also recovering from my fear of food. I figured it was going to be stall week this week and I also figured one possible reason is the stomach's getting back to it's job of digesting stuff. The problem is I didn't figure on how I would feel about it. I am afraid I will never lose another pound now that I am eating again until I can get somebody to take the rest of my stomach out.

But that is completely irrational and I know it. I ate 380 calories today and to do it right with no pitchforks it took a lot of attention and effort. Simultaneously I'm worried I am starving and/or gaining back the thirty pounds.

This cannot be the new normal otherwise my stomach has just become my new career.

[Cmsumom 5]

You really are hilarious! But really- that is what I am afraid of the most- getting this done to ie- stop having to focus on food so much- and end up having to make it a literal job - an all day thing that I have to plan and think about non-stop- ugh!

[chilo1 62]

All this will pass crosswind, you'll be able to eat without obsessing in due time.

You should write a book, the main protagonist being your stomach

[AutumnLily 77]

All this will pass crosswind, you'll be able to eat without obsessing in due time.

You should write a book, the main protagonist being your stomach

Now that would be an awesome book!!

[meggiep 57]

You slay me! I can see you flying to Mexico to try to get the rest of your stomach removed....

And I see this really is One Day at a Time....

As a pool passionate Mama I am very interested in your return to the pool. My surgeon told me I need to see him at my post op, which is 16 days after surgery to find out when I can go into the pool. I am already anxious and I haven;t left the pool yet!

[kelli 3]

I hear it will all become the "new norm" and a habbit more than work as we get used to it..I also just started mushies and boy what a feeling, not the normal full feeling but more like a brick stuck in my tummy. I find I want to drink something just to get rid of that feeling, but Im holding off..3/4 of a scrambled egg this morning and Im stuffed! wow we are going to be skinny beatches in no time...

[mandems mom 3]

Unfortunately, I can't help with telling you what the new normal is since I just had my surgery on Sunday, but I have to say that you have some of the most entertaining posts I've ever read. I love your candor and no holds barred, tell it like it is attitude. I hope you get over your hump quickly and adapt in no time....oh and keep posting!!

[ybnormal 21]

Woman you are totally making me re-think this surgery! I wonder now "will I ever eat another bite of a delicious burger? will my tummy explode? Will I die of dehydration...of course with my tummy exploded next to me because it couldn't hold another drop of water.."

What if I just emulate whatever you eat...will I lose weight without having to have them cut me open? omg....make her stop! make her stopppppppppppp! LOL

[Loooou 30]

would u hire me? lol If u have ur stomach as ur career? lol

AMAZING POST!! I am looking forward to this stage!! I will keep looking at this post for so long! as I already suffer on liquids now, thinking with every sip I might have done it wrong and now the leak is happening lol

Hope this time will pass quick and we can feel normal as others keep saying we will!

[wishes 125]

Wow, thank you for these posts. I love the day by day view of what is like living with the sleeve.