How To Tell Him

[FairyTalesVsReality 0]

Hey Everyone This is my first Topic. I have been getting everything together for my sleeve which is scheduled for March 31, 2011. Now I'm excited, nervous worried all in one. But I still don't know how to tell him " babe i'm getting surgery ". He basically just walked into my life at my time of change but I'm scared that the girl he once was attracted to will be gone and this love endeavor will be over "/. I Don't want it to be but i'm really ready for a change . This weight has been a problem my whole life. I'm trying to get my life on track while I'm young. My family knows everything. But my boyfriend and friends don't have a clue. I really don't know what to do .

[Tiffykins 672]

I can only share my experience. My husband met, fell in love with, and married at 270lbs. He loved every inch of me because he fell in love with me. He supported my choice to have surgery, and honestly, he didn't have a voice in the matter. I would have done it with or without his support. BUT, the changes that I had to make in my eating and after my revision to VSG from the band, and the rapid weight loss, things did change. He made comments about "how small" I was, and he missed my fat. He always dated "thick" girls, but you know what, his love for me hasn't changed. He has a preference, he likes curvy girls, he loved me at 150lbs at my goal weight, and when I continued to lose weight, he did get concerned, but he never said anything out of "meanness". It was a lot of concern,and he had insecurities because he realized men were noticing me more, and well that didn't fly with him. We had a talk about him "hiking his leg on my thigh", and that I was not his property, and I sure wasn't going to leave him just because I'm skinny, I'd leave his ass fat if he was a douchebag.

I think going into the conversation with the health benefits, the reasons you are doing it is not driven by vanity, and that you want him to be part of your support system will make it easier. There is also a forum on obesityhelp.com for spouses of WLS patients that you can peruse or have him read to get some perspective. I can say that my personality has not changed one single bit since losing weight. My core beliefs, morals, values are all the same. I am no more confident, cocky, or different than I was at 270lbs. I think that's where the problem with WLS patients and their partners rears its ugly head. It's when the patient changes, and expects changes in their partner just because they get "skinny".

I can tell you that my husband still pops wood, and loves every inch of my saggy boobs, flabby thighs, wrinkly excess skin on my stomach. There is no less or more love making for us. If anything sex is better because well sex as a skinny chick is pretty phenomenal. It's amazing what the body can do when there's not rolls of fat getting in the way.

[Infernored 5]

God Tiffy, you really hit it on the spot! I can only imagine how good sex will be after I lose the weight! LOL

Good luck telling you BF and friends. I still haven't told my friends yet because one of them had the band and spectacularly failed with it by not changing any of her eating habits. Even with her band she can eat more than me and my husband put together. But it's true that even though my hubby was hesitant, it was purely for safety reasons (scared of surgery). If he didn't back me then I'd do it anyway because I need to put myself first for a change. We did go to a little bit of counseling to make sure we were seeing eye to eye about it, but that just helped us out more.

[bilka 6]

Tiffykins, you are right.

When I told mine he was horrified. Completely against it. He too likes round girls but... It was the right choice. And he still is like before (he needed a couple of weeks to adjust to the idea of me losing weight), ou relationship hasn't changed a bit: still fighting, arguing, having sex, having fun. Last Sunday he even said: "You really made the right choice". I think he enjoys the fact that I am not obsessed with food anymore and that I don't hate myself anymore.

If YOU are convinced that it's the right choice at some point he will understand. Explain your reasons. Tell him how you've been fighting this problem all your life and that he can ask you any question he likes. That you need his support. Maybe if he feels somehow involved in your decision (and not having the decision just "dropped" on his head) he will be more understanding...

[iegal 460]

Dear FairyTale;

Completely emphathize with you. I met my BF (now my husband) overweight and he fell in love with me. But, I hit that point when WLS was right for ME. Did all of my psych eval without him even knowing. I learned that I wanted to be heathly for me and knew that I might loose him since we were only engaged at the time. Was willing to do what was right for me in leiu of what was right for everyone else in my life.

Pleasantly surprised, he was supporting with out condemnation of me "taking a easy was out." He went with me to my preop surgery appointment so sugeon could answer his questions. DH does not see my sags, he calls me his "cheap date" when we eat out and last time we went to the movies - he gave me a piggy back ride. OMG, he has never picked me up and carried me around. His support meant so much to me and continues to applaud the "new" me. Most of all I know he loved me "before" and he loves me now.

So, for you...are you more important than this relationship? What is best for you? What does your gut tell you and then what do your fears tell you about yourself? Good luck and make your own fairytale come true no matter what his reponse may be.

[minniekitty 44]

I can understand the anticipation. All of the guys that have been attracted to me (my boyfriend included), were into curvy girls or BBWs. I am still a BBW by all means, but I won't be for much longer. I grudgingly accepted my "BBW status" since it was better than nothing.

I don't know who will be attracted to me when I have saggy skin. My boyfriend says he will still be attracted to me when I'm skinny. I've been with him for 7 months, and I'd really hate for it break off just because I had WLS. It may not seem that long, but it's long to me.

[bethany1987 66]

I can only share my experience. My husband met, fell in love with, and married at 270lbs. He loved every inch of me because he fell in love with me. He supported my choice to have surgery, and honestly, he didn't have a voice in the matter. I would have done it with or without his support. BUT, the changes that I had to make in my eating and after my revision to VSG from the band, and the rapid weight loss, things did change. He made comments about "how small" I was, and he missed my fat. He always dated "thick" girls, but you know what, his love for me hasn't changed. He has a preference, he likes curvy girls, he loved me at 150lbs at my goal weight, and when I continued to lose weight, he did get concerned, but he never said anything out of "meanness". It was a lot of concern,and he had insecurities because he realized men were noticing me more, and well that didn't fly with him. We had a talk about him "hiking his leg on my thigh", and that I was not his property, and I sure wasn't going to leave him just because I'm skinny, I'd leave his ass fat if he was a douchebag.

I think going into the conversation with the health benefits, the reasons you are doing it is not driven by vanity, and that you want him to be part of your support system will make it easier. There is also a forum on obesityhelp.com for spouses of WLS patients that you can peruse or have him read to get some perspective. I can say that my personality has not changed one single bit since losing weight. My core beliefs, morals, values are all the same. I am no more confident, cocky, or different than I was at 270lbs. I think that's where the problem with WLS patients and their partners rears its ugly head. It's when the patient changes, and expects changes in their partner just because they get "skinny".

I can tell you that my husband still pops wood, and loves every inch of my saggy boobs, flabby thighs, wrinkly excess skin on my stomach. There is no less or more love making for us. If anything sex is better because well sex as a skinny chick is pretty phenomenal. It's amazing what the body can do when there's not rolls of fat getting in the way.

haha I think I love you ;]