Dating Fears When It's All Over With

[notsochubbybritneyspears 4]

My weight has been up and down since I was 18 - and I really for some reason never had a problem getting a boyfriend, I lowered my standards a bit. I was told basically I am a chubby version of Britney Spears - nice right? lol

However, after this surgery, my concern like in the environment I work in now is 85 percent men - what if the hot one I always secretly liked now all of the sudden wants to talk to me because I am now "acceptable" by stupid man standards. I don't think I could go out with someone who knew me before and now that I would be thin they want to date me.

A few of my friends have asked me about that.

While I think my self esteem will improve - I think I am going to wonder is it my body or my personality.

[SouthernSleever 228]

My weight has been up and down since I was 18 - and I really for some reason never had a problem getting a boyfriend, I lowered my standards a bit. I was told basically I am a chubby version of Britney Spears - nice right? lol

However, after this surgery, my concern like in the environment I work in now is 85 percent men - what if the hot one I always secretly liked now all of the sudden wants to talk to me because I am now "acceptable" by stupid man standards. I don't think I could go out with someone who knew me before and now that I would be thin they want to date me.

A few of my friends have asked me about that.

While I think my self esteem will improve - I think I am going to wonder is it my body or my personality.

If someone isn't attracted to you they just aren't. It doesn't make them a bad person. There are somethings in men I find unattractive so I wouldn't try to be in a relationship with them, if those things changed my attraction to them might also change. As much as I would like to think looks don't matter, they do.

[notsochubbybritneyspears 4]

absolutely and I think weight has a lot to do with a lot of things as well.

[doggz109 41]

Damn....I'd have been insulted to be compared to that tramp. Anyways.....I can understand what you are saying. I am married - but there is a lot of flirtation where I work. If I have this surgery and suddenly start getting some flirty looks from girls I have known for years....I'm going to be MAD.

[Rootman 1,101]

Damn....I'd have been insulted to be compared to that tramp. Anyways.....I can understand what you are saying. I am married - but there is a lot of flirtation where I work. If I have this surgery and suddenly start getting some flirty looks from girls I have known for years....I'm going to be MAD.

Well, I'd count on it. A few women where I work have never even spoken to me before now suddenly have to go out of there way to speak to me and mention how good I look. They touch their face and twiddle their hair - sure body language signs of flirtation. I largely ignore it, am civil but go out of my way to make sure I DON'T encourage it.

Humans are largely motivated by sex and attractiveness encourages that. The opposite situation - men noticing women - is far more prevalent.

Just take it with a grain of salt and remember whom you love.

[caleybooth 1]

Most likely, you will want to flirt back. When I lost all my weight with my Lap-Band, I got very flirtatious and extra friendly. It made me feel good that people were noticing me.

[dramagirl28 22]

My weight has been up and down since I was 18 - and I really for some reason never had a problem getting a boyfriend, I lowered my standards a bit. I was told basically I am a chubby version of Britney Spears - nice right? lol

However, after this surgery, my concern like in the environment I work in now is 85 percent men - what if the hot one I always secretly liked now all of the sudden wants to talk to me because I am now "acceptable" by stupid man standards. I don't think I could go out with someone who knew me before and now that I would be thin they want to date me.

A few of my friends have asked me about that.

While I think my self esteem will improve - I think I am going to wonder is it my body or my personality.

I totally get what you're saying. I would be mad if someone suddenly wanted to date me after dropping the weight. I'm really glad that my boyfriend met me as a heavy person, and then watched me get to my heaviest, and is now supporting me through this. He's thin as a rail and loves me for who I am inside, which is what I have always wanted from a man.

Something to consider though is that as we lose weight, we will become more confident and outgoing, and I think that confidence is a lot more attractive than our bodies. I think I was single for so long because I thought I was unattractive because of my weight and it showed in my personality.

Good luck, and bring back stories!

[Guitrman 11]

You know I have always said that I would rather have someone with a great personality

that took a life time to build then looks... they fade fast.... going through some of the same thoughts.....

I new life to look forward to!

G

[Curvy8 2]

My weight has been up and down since I was 18 - and I really for some reason never had a problem getting a boyfriend, I lowered my standards a bit. I was told basically I am a chubby version of Britney Spears - nice right? lol

However, after this surgery, my concern like in the environment I work in now is 85 percent men - what if the hot one I always secretly liked now all of the sudden wants to talk to me because I am now "acceptable" by stupid man standards. I don't think I could go out with someone who knew me before and now that I would be thin they want to date me.

A few of my friends have asked me about that.

While I think my self esteem will improve - I think I am going to wonder is it my body or my personality.

Thanks for the post...I've been told I look like the chubby version of Laila Ali lol! But anyway I will be sleeved on 3/22 and have the exact same fears as you do. I always said I wanted to meet someone while I was heavy so I knew they really loved me but that never happened. So we'll see how this goes as we loose the weight. It's just apart of the journey...good luck!

[Guitrman 11]

I got my date today April 4th! I am so excited and going through so many emotions.

I wish you so much luck you will get through this just fine...... I have found alot

of encouragement here and it has helped alot...

G

[samantha209 19]

I totally get what you are saying...my bff said to me she sees how it can be a lil depressing, because you will see how shallow the world really is

i think my other concern is that i am this"hot fat chick" but will i now just be average????

[smileforamile91 2]

My plan to handle a situation like that is, if you didn't want to see me as a heavy girl, then I sure as hell don't want you to see me when I'm "pretty".

My boyfriend saw me when the rest of the world thought I was invisible, same with my friends, whether I'm heavy, or skinny I'm still the same person inside and I want people to like me for me, not my appearance, so those people aren't worth my time nor are they worth yours. Stay true to yourself

[Roudoudou 4]

Perfectly normal worry! I wonder the same thing. When I got down to 175 (seems so long ago!), I suddenly started getting attention from guys. It felt great, but freaked me out, too. I'm not used to getting attention from guys and I didn't really know how to handle it. Ha ha; I didn't have much time to figure it out since I gained the weight back so quickly.

But, it's true that a lot of guys won't be into heavier girls and I don't fault them for that. I think if this guy approaches you and you feel good about it, go for it! You might playfully ask him why the sudden interest (can't make it too easy for him!) but don't make it an issue if you like him.

You'll be going through so many changes that talking to a counselor might be a really good idea. I don't know about you, but so much of my identity is tied up in being heavy and there's a lot of hurt from feeling I'm treated differently by most everyone, men and women. Talking things over with someone could help a lot.

Last thing: I agree with a previous poster that as your confidence improves, so will your attractiveness! Guys definitely are attracted to confidence and you deserve to be with someone great. No more settling for you. So, be healthy and happy and when you're ready, the new confident you will make her entrance.