Hey guys,

After reading and posting to a thread by Nikki about some issues with people commenting on her surgery, I started thinking about some ways I plan to deal with this post-op. I've discussed this in counseling and I've read some other threads here and there on the forum about how sleevers have handled people who go too far with comments about your surgery. I was thinking that maybe we could have a dedicated thread to discuss this.

I tend to be a little sarcastic in nature but I try to keep it under wraps. I guarantee I'm going to let it out full blast when I have to deal with rude comments. But, I'm sure others will deal with it in a more philosophical way, like this great comeback posted by mistiblu - "don't you feel like you're cheating by having surgery?" My reply, " yes, cheating obesity, heart disease, and diabetes, but cheating weight loss no".

Please post here with some situations/comments you've had and what you said or plan to say to bring all discussion to a STOP! I appreciate everyone's input because I tend to think of great comebacks 20 minutes after the person has walked off, so I'm gonna need some help in this area.

I'll kick things off...

Rude comment: You sure took the easy way out.

Response: (with a big smile) You're right. It's been SOO easy for me doing it this way...except for that pesky 2 month stringent post-op diet, and making sure I don't get dehydrated, and counting Protein and carbs. Yeah, it's been VERY easy.

Rude comment : "You know, everyone knows you aren't naturally thin."

Comeback: "really, I guess that's better than looking naturally fat."

Rude comment: " Aren't you sad that you can't eat the entire fajita dinner?"

Comeback: " About as sad as I was when I realized my back fat was gone, and I don't look like a can of Grands Biscuits that's been popped open."

Rude comment : "well, it must be nice to not worry about what you eat since you had surgery."

Comeback : " Oh, I know, trying to get in that 60+grams of Protein, fresh veggies, 64ounces of Water, and keeping my calories in check, is definitely easier when my stomach can only hold about 5-6 ounces per meal. It's super simple (add a nice smirk, and head tilt)."

Rude comment: " You look sick, your bones are sticking out in your neck"

Comeback: "really, I look sick now? Because at 270lbs (Insert your pre-op weight), all you could say about my appearance is that I had such a pretty face if I could just lose weight, I'd be gorgeous. So, which one is it, I'm skinny and sick, or fat and destined to be just a pretty face?"

Way too go tiffy!

how about yeah I got surgery to assist me with weightloss when are you getting surgery so you stop being an a$$hole!

I hate the THAT!

RUDE: You took the easy way out.

Comment: Yep I totally did by letting someone cut me open to remove a large part of a working organ, would you like me to demonstrate just how easy it was with this pocket knife I have in my purse?

Then throat kick them and run away = ]

That is what I always say to folks that want to point out that I have a large back side, "Surgery and healthy habits will help me fix that, too bad there is no surgery for your nasty attitude!"

Also, I tell my children all the time when someone says something to hurt their feelings, people who feel it necessary to put you down is actually not feeling so well about themselves. I find this to be so true!

A little boy told me son the other day that I had a big butt, yes a LITTLE boy!!! My son was so upset!!! I had to teach him the sticks and stones saying. My son told me right in front of the little boy AND his parents. I made sure that my response to him was that I did not care what others thought about me, it is all about how I feel about myself and that this little boy must not feel too good about himself to be talking bad about someone's Mommy that way! My son said "Mommy, I think he is jealous that I have such a great Mommy!" CLASSIC!!!

For any comment about the easy way....

"In the last 25 years I've lost and gained over 1000 pounds the hard way, I decided to take a smarter route and do something that actually works long term. Why would I waist more time doing something that has not worked for me in the past?"

I personally like : "mind your own damn business and go ahead and gossip with the others because as soon as I turn my back yall are going to talk about it anyway".

Or: you had a boob/nose/lip job... How is my surgery any different...oh other than I did mine for my health, where you got the new boobs/nose!/lips for your health?

There are have been times when I doubted my decision not to tell everyone, but while reading the comments above this is not one of them. I decided that this was my decision - my body - my life and so the only people who know is my husband and a good friend (who is now considering it for herself). Yes, they know I'm dieting (again) counting calories, carbs, drinking lots of water and making sure I exercise. The only thing they do not know is that this time I have help. I have a new took to help me be successful but it will be me that will have to do the work. I did not discuss it with them while I gained weight so I am not discussing it with them while I lose it. And everyday, I am glad. Sure, I want to shout when the scales go down 5 lbs but I'm happy I have no one asking me how much I have lost on the days the scales go up 2 lbs. Will I ever tell them? Maybe, if I think it will be a benefit to them.

I don't think it's anyones business. I would just say "when I want your opinion I will ask for it"

I don't think it's anyones business. I would just say "when I want your opinion I will ask for it"

I'm with you. It's nobody's business except for those I choose to tell, and those people have been overwhelmingly supportive.

I love all these comments! It's too bad I can't use them since I choose not to tell people I had surgery.

I knew all those comments would come and that's why I made the decision and I have never regretted it.

Weight loss was a lot slower for me since I was banded first, but I know it's a shock to people who haven't seen me in a long time.

I hope all you who are newly sleeved can learn to deal with all these rude people, cause the weight is going to be falling off!

I generally say... "mmm haven't you taken your happy pills today?"

or

"don't you feel like you're cheating by having surgery?"

I say... "well I didn't realise there were any rules I had to follow. Am I cheating somehow? My goal has been to get fit and healthy. Silly me"

I made the decision to only tell my closest friends and immediate family, but needless to say word has spread and I'm now hearing all the above type remarks second hand. It's making me so mad!

Why do people see what we are doing for our own health as their bloody business grrrrrrrrrr!!

My morbidly obese grandfather spent 20 years dying (and torturing his loved ones),with multiple open heart surgeries, severe diabetes, blood pressure through the roof, multiple cancers.....easy way, hard way, WHATEVER. I'll take ANY way out of THAT that I can get!

Rude comment : "You know, everyone knows you aren't naturally thin."

Comeback: "really, I guess that's better than looking naturally fat."

Rude comment: " Aren't you sad that you can't eat the entire fajita dinner?"

Comeback: " About as sad as I was when I realized my back fat was gone, and I don't look like a can of Grands Biscuits that's been popped open."

Rude comment : "well, it must be nice to not worry about what you eat since you had surgery."

Comeback : " Oh, I know, trying to get in that 60+grams of Protein, fresh veggies, 64ounces of Water, and keeping my calories in check, is definitely easier when my stomach can only hold about 5-6 ounces per meal. It's super simple (add a nice smirk, and head tilt)."

Rude comment: " You look sick, your bones are sticking out in your neck"

Comeback: "really, I look sick now? Because at 270lbs (Insert your pre-op weight), all you could say about my appearance is that I had such a pretty face if I could just lose weight, I'd be gorgeous. So, which one is it, I'm skinny and sick, or fat and destined to be just a pretty face?"

Tiff your comments are brilliant but I hope beyond hope that you have only had to keep this arsenal to yourself and that people weren't actually so rude as to put you into a corner to have to use such comebacks. That goes for everyone posting on this thread. Anything we do to improve ourselves so drastically should be embraced by others. It kills me sometimes to think how bad some people suck. I'm so sorry if people have actually said these kinds of thing to you Tiff or anyone here... :thumbup:

Tiff your comments are brilliant but I hope beyond hope that you have only had to keep this arsenal to yourself and that people weren't actually so rude as to put you into a corner to have to use such comebacks. That goes for everyone posting on this thread. Anything we do to improve ourselves so drastically should be embraced by others. It kills me sometimes to think how bad some people suck. I'm so sorry if people have actually said these kinds of thing to you Tiff or anyone here... :thumbup:

All of those comments have been received from my immediate family and a long term friend. My brothers, step-sisters and mother. Yes, the very people that are supposed to be the most supportive, and loving have bashed me since losing weight.

One of my "fat" friends (as she calls herself my fat friend), told me I looked like a bobblehead doll. We've been friends for 8 years. And, she's the one that made the comment about the fajita dinner.

I've actually used all of those comebacks with my family. There are various other comments that I didn't even add in here because truthfully they cut extremely deeply. I've tried for so many years to not allow what people thought/said about me bring me down. But, sometimes, it hurts, I'm human, I have feelings, and they will never realize just how badly their little "comments out of concern" break my heart.