so i told two people today...

leelee · February 23, 2010

so i told two different people today that the vsg is something i'm looking,and the reactions i got were quite interesting. one was very interested and asked lots of questions, and the other just kind of got quiet, and sort of changed the topic. i think the second girl got quiet because she felt uncomfortable talking about it, and i know that she's lost quite a bit of weight recently through diet and excersize. the thing is that i know i could do the same thing, BUT i would just gain it back. i've done the "same" thing over and over. except, i lose 20 pounds and then gain it back and a little bit extra. people who haven't been fat their whole lives don't seem to get it. yes, i know i'm fat. yes, i know i should eat less and excersize more. i have great respect for people who do this on thier own... but what they don't get is that WLS us NOT the easy way out. it's a huge and scary decision. i wouldn't be thinking about this, if i didn't really feel that this was a last resort. i don't know... it just made me feel awkward, and that's partly why i didn't want to tell people. and i know that she won't talk about me, but still... i feel sad that my fat is like the "white elephant" in the room. we all know it's there, but people want to pretend that it's not...

how do you guys feel about this? what are your experiences? am i just being paranoid and crazy?

Edited February 23, 2010 by leelee

Tiffykins · February 23, 2010

You aren't being paranoid or anything of the sort. I chose to tell everyone that would listen about my decision to revise from the band to VSG. I only had one friend here at the time so it wasn't a huge ordeal. I ended up losing that friend because of the surgery, and well she's pretty psycho so it wasn't a loss I mourned. Many people are simply ignorant when they hear about WLS. They don't understand because they haven't struggled with it. My husband is naturally thing, and while he supported my journey, he didn't understand why I couldn't keep it off.

You may get mixed reactions. With my new found circle of friends through our spouse's club, I have found nothing but support and encouragement. I bowl on our spouse's club league, and my bowling partner is going through the steps to get the sleeve with one of my surgeons. Another of my friends is on Addipexx (legalized speed) to lose weight for the 6th time, and she made kind of harsh comment last week at lunch. She said " well if I gain back the weight this time, I'm going to have make the same drastic decision you did to have my stomach removed." Now, this is coming from a 50 year old woman that has taken prescription diet pills 6 times, loses 60-75lbs, and always gains it back plus some. My reply was " yeah, it seems drastric, but losing and gaining the same 400 pounds over the last year seems like a big waste of time, and I was ready to live my life to the fullest and quit the yo yo'ing up and down." She just looked at me like I was crazy for saying that to her, but it's the truth, that woman has lost and gained over 500 lbs in the last 10 years, and she's trying to tell me what I chose was drastic.

My mom was not supportive of my decision to revise. She has a band, and has a bad case of morbid jealousy (google that for a definition), and she no longer comments on my weight loss because I weight 40lbs less than her now. She has a horrible life with the band, but she told me once "I'd rather puke a couple times a week than make a wreckless decision to have my stomach removed." My reply to her was " make sure you remind yourself of that thought process when your band slips, or erodes into your stomach, then we'll talk about wreckless." I don't tolerate bad behavior from people, and I speak my mind quite often. If they don't want to be supportive that's fine, it's my body, my future, and my life. Yes, it's nice to have support, but I have found those that truly care about your well-being, and future will stand by your side through thick and thin. Also, education is power, ignorance is the number 1 reason why people aren't supportive. It was easier for me to explain the procedure, the benefits, the risks, and the overall long-term effects of WLS instead of getting defensive. Once you educate someone, they can form a more solid opinion, and hopefully realize that it's not for everyone, but to give you the best chance at survival with obesity related complications and co-morbidities, WLS is a choice your making to improve your quality of life.

Sorry for the ramble. I'm pretty opinionated about WLS and people's reaction and lack of support. It's like someone who has never suffered with alcoholism trying to bash an alcoholic for trying to get clean and relapsing. They just don't understand, and their ignorance clouds their judgement on the subject.

leelee · February 23, 2010

i don't think my family would be supportive either. maybe my dad, but i don't think my mom or sister would. i don't know if i'll even choose to discuss it with them until after i get it done (which i hopefully will be able to do). i actually haven't even sat down with my husband and talked about it. we talked about the band a while ago, but i was still on the fence, so it didn't really matter. i'm pretty sure that no matter what i decide, he'll support. i know he loves me regardless and just wants to make sure we have a long life together.

i don't know. i think i'm just feeling cranky tonight. and maybe it was rubbing me the wrong way, but i'm so tired of how the world approaches the whole weight thing. yes, i think we should love ourselves, yes, i think we should embrace who we are. however, i don't think that we should encourage people to stay as big as houses. not that i think there should be "fat hate", but it just seems like people think that to accept themselves means that they can't change... being fat is hard. instead of helping each other out though, it just seems easier to tear people down. being fat just feels so frustrating. *sigh* sorry, having a little pity party on this end. i've just been really busy with working here lately, my kids are acting up, and my husband is taking our 4 year old to get dental surgery tomorrow in germany. sorry for the ranting. i guess my brain is just full up today....

Tiffykins · February 23, 2010

Vent away, and I forgot to add onto my original reply that if you have Facebook, or want to email someone for support, I'll be there for ya.

You can find me on facebook through my email address: tifjb1@yahoo.com just add a little message that you're from VST and I'll accept the request.

I agree with everything you said, and being in a different country away from your family is stressful, throw kids, military, and every other day stressors in the mix, and we're bound to be a bit emotional.

MlkPas · February 23, 2010

Leelee, I totally get where you're coming from. I have told my immediate family and a few friends, but I am totally not telling ANYONE at work because it's none of their business. I may change my mind after surgery, but for now I am strictly on a need-to-know basis.

As for the whole "easy way out" thing, that isn't anything that bothers me one single bit. Hell, I've been dieting for 40 years, and if this is the easy way, I'm all for it! Why the heck not? If taking the "easy way" means I get to spend my time and money working on a master's degree instead of obsessing about food and paying a personal trainer and having a "second job" working out in the gym, let me at it! I make no apologies at all! At. all.

This is my business, it's my body, it's my choice. Period. And I don't really have any need at all to convince any random "friend" or co-worker that it's the right choice. The only person I have to convince is myself, and that's a done deal.

ChristyC · February 24, 2010

I can so relate to your post. People just don't understand that have not been struggling with obesity for the majority of their life. Someone at work asked why I am still having this surgery when I have lost 17 pounds now. Yes, I know how to lose. I have lost the same 30 pounds about 5 times in the last 5 years and always gain back more. I need this surgery to help me keep it off and I am losing now because I know that it will be the last time I will have to lose this weight. I appreciate everyone on this forum. It's nice to know you're not alone. :-)

windsor · February 25, 2010

:thumbup:I was sleeved on Feb. 9 and only my immediate family knew. I have just started telling people. I was sleeved with Dr. Aceves in Mexico and didn't want to listed to people say, "why would you go to Mexico, you can't even drink the Water in Mexico." You need to make this decision for yourself and stick to it. Many people won't agree with what you are doing but you are the only one who has to live your life. You live in your body and if you are not happy with it change it. For you and no one else.

AJW · February 25, 2010

Tiffy - what sign are you? I like your style - balls to the walls, girl, you go!

Tiffykins · February 25, 2010

Tiffy - what sign are you? I like your style - balls to the walls, girl, you go!:thumbup:

LOL, I'm a Sagittarius.

Pretty much all of the profiles of sagis have fit me to a T.

AJW · February 25, 2010

I figured you for a fire sign; I'm an Aries married to a Sag., so I totally get you.:thumbup:

LOL, I'm a Sagittarius.

Pretty much all of the profiles of sagis have fit me to a T.

Tiffykins · February 25, 2010

I figured you for a fire sign; I'm an Aries married to a Sag., so I totally get you.:thumbup:

John and Caysen are both Geminis. They both fit their astrological profile as well.

John has a gypsy soul, and Caysen has the 2 sides thing going for him.

TiffanyIsMajor · February 25, 2010

I have the same problem as most. For instance my sister and I were sitting on the couch watching food network, she is a cullinary arts major, and started watching this show about the food challanges at various resturants, which in turn got me to pipe up about my surgery and how i'd be glad when I was able to eat like a regular person. She just doenst get it though...."if you had will power then you could just lose it and keep it off, You just have to have will power" When did the whole fucking planet become so reliant on the fact that the only difference between someone who does something and someone who doesnt is JUST will power. Like, that is ALL you need? That's it? Plus she is thin and always has been, but of course has body issues. I told her she would never understand because she hasnt been big and the only reply I got was, "You are not the only person unhappy with the way you look." Coming from someone who is 135 by nature with perky boobs... It does make me want to kick her in the throat...I have always been the "funny" girl.....The pretty "big " Girl.....And the "You are so pretty, but if you Just lost ___ pounds youd be sooooooooo Gorgeous" girl. Lol To think I now weight at leat 270, and I can remember a day when I thought 180 was fat..... I cant imagine what the crap I'd even look like at 135 because I havent weighed 135 since freshman year in high school, like 8-9 years ago? I honestly don't even know what to say when people are like well you CAN do it, You CAN lose the weight on your own, Like I am deny that and completely ignoring it, like surgery is the easy way... It is all just such a mess to deal with....I would have RATHER no one knew ever, then like in 20 years when I was still thin, tell everyone lol....I am rambling for NO reason..Like I just reread this, and there was like NO point in here...at all.... ill post it anyway though...= ]

Tiffykins · February 25, 2010

I have the same problem as most. For instance my sister and I were sitting on the couch watching food network, she is a cullinary arts major, and started watching this show about the food challanges at various resturants, which in turn got me to pipe up about my surgery and how i'd be glad when I was able to eat like a regular person. She just doenst get it though...."if you had will power then you could just lose it and keep it off, You just have to have will power" When did the whole fucking planet become so reliant on the fact that the only difference between someone who does something and someone who doesnt is JUST will power. Like, that is ALL you need? That's it? Plus she is thin and always has been, but of course has body issues. I told her she would never understand because she hasnt been big and the only reply I got was, "You are not the only person unhappy with the way you look." Coming from someone who is 135 by nature with perky boobs... It does make me want to kick her in the throat...I have always been the "funny" girl.....The pretty "big " Girl.....And the "You are so pretty, but if you Just lost ___ pounds youd be sooooooooo Gorgeous" girl. Lol To think I now weight at leat 270, and I can remember a day when I thought 180 was fat..... I cant imagine what the crap I'd even look like at 135 because I havent weighed 135 since freshman year in high school, like 8-9 years ago? I honestly don't even know what to say when people are like well you CAN do it, You CAN lose the weight on your own, Like I am deny that and completely ignoring it, like surgery is the easy way... It is all just such a mess to deal with....I would have RATHER no one knew ever, then like in 20 years when I was still thin, tell everyone lol....I am rambling for NO reason..Like I just reread this, and there was like NO point in here...at all.... ill post it anyway though...= ]

Great post, I've only had one of my fat friends give me the "I can't believe you're gonna do this and not just accept your size, and work with God has given you, I guess you won't hang out with us fatties anymore once you get skinny."

My reply " well God didn't give me this (as I grabbed my back fat), I gave me that by shoveling food in my mouth, and while I am not doing this to be skinny, it'll be a perk, the only reason I won't continue to hang out with you is when you become a bitter b*tch because you realize just how miserable and unhealthy being morbidly obese is, at that point, I'll walk away, because at least I can walk away healthier, and you will continue to wallow in the denial of your weight problems."

Now, that's how I really feel about people who don't want to embrace people's choice to have WLS. I seriously want to punch people in the throat that throw the "if you would exercise, and work harder". Umm yeah, over the last 10 years I have lost and regained 400 pounds, can you give me your secrets on how you stay thin? Because I know that double cheeseburger, super size fries and milkshake you're putting away would add at least 7 pounds to my ass while you sit there in your size 3 jeans, and not flinch at the thought of breaking a sweat in the gym.

TiffanyIsMajor · February 25, 2010

THANK GOD TIFFANY! IN THA THROAT! You and I going to jail together..lol

Tiffykins · February 25, 2010

THANK GOD TIFFANY! IN THA THROAT! You and I going to jail together..lol

Ha ha ha seriously, I would of typed out the "C" word because that's what I normally say, but I figured it would offend a lot of members here, and they would probably fall out of their chairs reading that I would say something like that. . .

If we go to jail together, you have to promise that I will not be Big Bertha's b*tch. I can not handle being the beta female in those 8x8 rooms. I just can't do it LOL LOL