Scared of being Skinny

[breekahouse 2]

I have been overweight most of my life. this is all i know. Everyone has told me how pretty I am and how much prettier I'd be if i lost weight. What if I lose the weight and it turns out that I am really not that pretty? Being fat, I alway have my face to make me feel good about myself (I am not trying to be conceited in any way).

How will I be? Will I have the same personality? will the people who like me today feel the same way about me 10 months down the road? I hope this doesnt sound silly but the prospect of such a drastic weight loss as a result of vsg really has my head spinning. I want to lose the weight more than anything in this world but what will i cost me once i do?

Am i just being silly?

[janep 2]

You will be very pretty. And you will still be you - but with a lot more confidence. Your inner self will not change but people may see you differently because of the confidence you will gain. I know for me when I am heavy I tend to stay in the background, but I am much more outgoing when I am thinner. You will not lose yourself in this journey. You will be you, but better.

[Oregondaisy 2,020]

My self esteem has gone up so much from not being so overweight. It is so much fun to try on clothes now and not know whether to take a small or a medium into the dressing room. It feels so good not to have to shop in the Plus Size section.

You will be the same person with more self esteem. You will have the same personality, but you will just be so much happier when you look in the mirror and that happiness will also be reflected in your personality.

[Tiffykins 673]

I had the same concerns. My husband was super concerned with me changing internally, but I am the same exact person I was regardless of my pant size.

I was always super confident, and outgoing. I am the "life of the party" person, and it has only gotten better since losing so much weight.

I've had a lot of people who knew me before my sleeve not even recognize me, and comment on how "skinny" I am now. It does boost your confidence, and self-esteem. You will find activities that you once refrained from very enjoyable. I find myself checking myself out in the mirror more. I was always a "camera whore" so nothing changed in that regard. I take tons of pictures now, and before I lost weight.

I have caught some flack from my overweight friends because they feel like I "shunned" the fat girl world. I was active in a BBW and Admirers group in Texas, and most of them are no longer close with me because I'm not fat anymore and they aren't willing to accept me at my smaller size. I find it comical that they are now discriminatory towards me, and that's all they want is size equality and to not be discriminated against because of their size.

You have to do this for yourself, and your future health. The changes you will see, and feel will be worth it.

[deedee 5]

Breekahouse, what a great thought. For me I still feel exactly the same on a daily basis. When I pass a mirror I see the same person I have always been (now when I try on new clothes and fit into new sizes and pose in front of the mirror, I definitely notice the differences, but day to day I'm just still me). Over the last couple of weeks there hasn't been a day where at least one person hasn't commented on my weight loss, and I'm kind of shocked because I'm still the same person and don't feel I've changed in appearance hardly at all. So I guess the only difference I feel is due to the way others are reacting towards me. They are all so excited and happy for me and it's starting to get a little uncomfortable...what else can you say to people besides "thank you?"

Personality wise, I am also the same, maybe a little less outgoing, but I think that has more to do with growing older and priorities changing rather than wls, but who knows.

I think you'll have to go through the process and see what happens...life's journey is wonderful and I think (hope) you'll be pleasantly surprised at the end of this phase. Keep posting your thought provoking reflections/ideas, there are so many here that can offer lots of insight, but just remember we are all so different and will experience different things.

[Gingin33 2]

You're not being silly at all. I have the same fears. A year ago I lost 70 lbs by dieting. I was feeling very confident about myself but I was receiving more attention from men. I did not like it at all. I start slowly gaining the weight back. I've done that many times.

I think fat has been my shield for so long I am scared of what it will feel like to not have it anymore. That is something I will have to face and deal with when I get there. I didn't lose the weight to be sexy. I lost it to be healthy.

I think your personality will be the same unless you allow yourself to become different.

I have been overweight most of my life. this is all i know. Everyone has told me how pretty I am and how much prettier I'd be if i lost weight. What if I lose the weight and it turns out that I am really not that pretty? Being fat, I alway have my face to make me feel good about myself (I am not trying to be conceited in any way).

How will I be? Will I have the same personality? will the people who like me today feel the same way about me 10 months down the road? I hope this doesnt sound silly but the prospect of such a drastic weight loss as a result of vsg really has my head spinning. I want to lose the weight more than anything in this world but what will i cost me once i do?

Am i just being silly?

[Jolanda 23]

You're not being silly: your concerns are important to you and therefore valid! In my opinion prettiness is a question of bone structure more than filling, so if you're pretty now, you'll be pretty when thin, too. But of course the important thing is that you'll have a better chance of staying healthy then.

I did wrestle with some thoughts along the "scared of being skinny" lines: mostly because when I get thin, then I only have myself to blame if something stops me from being successful at what I want to do. Of course it's always been that way, but it's still a scary thing.

[shutterbug 1]

I hear ya on your concerns.... I too do not remember what it's like to be thin and worry that if my face gets too skinny will it look older... somehow... I guess the counter balance on it all is that I bet we will be smiling so much more and our eyes will be sparkling and full of life... :drool5:

[Chancie 65]

Good questions and concerns....

If being overweight you had confidience..... it will double being thin!

I was always overweight as a child and had a brief period of being thin in my 20's, after childbirth I started gaining weight....

I still tried to project confidience.....

But now that I'm older.......and now "thinner" my confidience is sooo good.

I too didn't lose weight to be sexy- but wanted to be "healthy" especially since I am older now..... but let me tell you...... the "sexy" is good!

I don't avoid social events or make up excuses-

I don't avoid mirrors or getting my picture taken as I had in the past.

When I was at my worst/heaviest........ my thoughts of myself were"altered"....... I didn't think I was as heavy a I was........ in total denial.

Now after losing 158 pounds, I have a more "realistic" view of myself. My confidiene is so much better,and cannot believe I was in the dark place I was before.

You will change.......but you will still be "YOU"

You will still be pretty-just with more self confidience.

But you also need to be aware of others and their insecurities. Some people cannot except change.

Where I work....... all everyone has known is the "fat" me...Telling me not to get too thin, yadda yadda.....all meaning well,and everyone is sooo supportive with my WLS but because there is another woman that had an RNY-She lost alot of weight, but she also had a lot of other medical problems and they try to compare me to her.

( For me NOT to get like that )

You'll just have to pick your battles, and stay focused on who you really are, and people will just have to accept you and your weight loss.

[deedee 5]

"When I was at my worst/heaviest........ my thoughts of myself were"altered"....... I didn't think I was as heavy a I was........ in total denial.

Now after losing 158 pounds, I have a more "realistic" view of myself. My confidiene is so much better,and cannot believe I was in the dark place I was before."

I think the above is why it takes me by surprise with the reaction I'm receiving from others, I didn't really have a true sense of how big I really was. One of my aunts called me yesterday because she just received some pictures my mom sent out from Thanksgiving. She started the conversation with "OMG! I don't even recognize you." I haven't seen her since 1.5 mos. post-op (she lives across the country). For some reason her comment and subsequent conversation made me actually realize how well I've done on this journey so far, I think I'm getting a more "realistic" view now as well.

[Katrina 1]

I am not sure its a fear of losing yourself but finding the real you. I think I was fearful of it up until a few days ago when my hubby said this to me.

"Love, I adore you now, I will love you then. But I cant wait to meet the "real" you and not the you, you are showing the world."

I thought about it, I thought what the heck the REAL me who am I now then if not the real me??? I am the me that makes me happy not the me that lets me be happy. I can not freak out when I go somewhere I know I wont fit, I wont freak out when someone says 'man that person should drop some pounds' cause for once it wont be about me after surgery. But I will comment on what that person should do. Since their comment is so mean.

I am pre-op, and I still dont have a date but I wanted to share what I thought.

[breekahouse 2]

You will be very pretty. And you will still be you - but with a lot more confidence. Your inner self will not change but people may see you differently because of the confidence you will gain. I know for me when I am heavy I tend to stay in the background, but I am much more outgoing when I am thinner. You will not lose yourself in this journey. You will be you, but better.

Janep, I sure hope so! For my duaghter's sake as well as my own, I am praying to come out of this better than I am today. Thanks for the encouragement.

[breekahouse 2]

My self esteem has gone up so much from not being so overweight. It is so much fun to try on clothes now and not know whether to take a small or a medium into the dressing room. It feels so good not to have to shop in the Plus Size section.

You will be the same person with more self esteem. You will have the same personality, but you will just be so much happier when you look in the mirror and that happiness will also be reflected in your personality.

Oregondaisy, it has been so long since i have felt good about myself. so long since i have felt attractive. I know what you are saying but it just seems so unattainable at this point. but at the same time I know i am on the right path to acheive the seemingly unattainable. the more I am on the vsg forums and reading sucess stories, the more excited for myself i become. And eventhough alot of the reason why I am doing this is to be a much healthier mom, I am also doing it for selfish reasons. I want to be able to catch the latest sales and wear clothes that are sylish. Even though right now at 300+ lbs I dress very frumpy (and way too old for a 33 year old), I am a true fashionista at heart. this surgery cant happen fast enough for me....

[breekahouse 2]

I had the same concerns. My husband was super concerned with me changing internally, but I am the same exact person I was regardless of my pant size.

I was always super confident, and outgoing. I am the "life of the party" person, and it has only gotten better since losing so much weight.

I've had a lot of people who knew me before my sleeve not even recognize me, and comment on how "skinny" I am now. It does boost your confidence, and self-esteem. You will find activities that you once refrained from very enjoyable. I find myself checking myself out in the mirror more. I was always a "camera whore" so nothing changed in that regard. I take tons of pictures now, and before I lost weight.

I have caught some flack from my overweight friends because they feel like I "shunned" the fat girl world. I was active in a BBW and Admirers group in Texas, and most of them are no longer close with me because I'm not fat anymore and they aren't willing to accept me at my smaller size. I find it comical that they are now discriminatory towards me, and that's all they want is size equality and to not be discriminated against because of their size.

You have to do this for yourself, and your future health. The changes you will see, and feel will be worth it.

tiffykins, i hate taking pictures! i am always the one behind the camera. I take pictures of everything and everyone! its truly a shame because while i will have memories of family and friends throughout the years, I will have none of myself. Here's to hoping that changes soon.

[breekahouse 2]

Breekahouse, what a great thought. For me I still feel exactly the same on a daily basis. When I pass a mirror I see the same person I have always been (now when I try on new clothes and fit into new sizes and pose in front of the mirror, I definitely notice the differences, but day to day I'm just still me). Over the last couple of weeks there hasn't been a day where at least one person hasn't commented on my weight loss, and I'm kind of shocked because I'm still the same person and don't feel I've changed in appearance hardly at all. So I guess the only difference I feel is due to the way others are reacting towards me. They are all so excited and happy for me and it's starting to get a little uncomfortable...what else can you say to people besides "thank you?"

Personality wise, I am also the same, maybe a little less outgoing, but I think that has more to do with growing older and priorities changing rather than wls, but who knows.

I think you'll have to go through the process and see what happens...life's journey is wonderful and I think (hope) you'll be pleasantly surprised at the end of this phase. Keep posting your thought provoking reflections/ideas, there are so many here that can offer lots of insight, but just remember we are all so different and will experience different things.

deedee, you are right about having to go through the process. nothing is certain until i am actually in that situation. It doenst really make sense to me that one's weight loss would have that much of an effect on one's personaility but being skinny (or at a normal weight, rather) is something so far out there to me. When i think of my future self I am thinking from the outside in when it should really be the other way around. does that make sense?