1 Step Forward, 5 Steps Backward

[Lisanne 5]

That is how it is going for me lately. I guess Im feeling a bit sorry for myself, its so hard to pick myself back up. I just cant find the motivation anymore.

I had a really good food day yesterday, but today started out awful. For Breakfast, hubby brought home Mcdonalds. UGH! The only consolation is that it will be breakfast and lunch for me. If I could eat a really small/light dinner tonite, I would be ok.... hopefully I will have the willpower for that.

I really dont know what to do anymore. My appetite and cravings are really high. I get hungry, I can eat alot.....*sigh*.....it has been this way since I had surgery, but has gotten worse over the last 8 months or so. I know I eat the wrong foods alot lately.

My overall health has really improved since I lost the 100+ lbs, but recently I have been feeling really bad again. I have an almost constant headache and the doctors cant find anything that is wrong. I figure most of it is stress and worry, mixed with some depression.

I even hate getting online anymore. I used to find such solace in the WLS groups im in, but now, I just find it super depressing seeing all the ones having success....altho Im really happy for all of them, it still hurts that Im not one of them at the moment.

Im truly not giving up...I just dont know what to do anymore. It seems Ive tried everything. I even tried going back to basics with the Protein Drinks. I lasted one day and was just physically sick with just the thought of drinking my meals. When I cut my carbs and calories, I do lose weight, but I cant keep at it b4 Im caving in for something off the diet. I know I need to get these carbs out of my system - at least the bad carbs. But thats my major craving of course. Maybe I should lock myself in a padded room for a few weeks... lol. I couldnt harm myself or anyone else with my crankiness. My husband can barely stand to be around me, my marriage really sux. :sad0: and thats just one of my stressors.

Ok, Ive vented for the day. I dont think I accomplished anything, except getting it off my chest for a bit..

thanks for listening..

[*susan* 1,709]

Lisa, I am so sorry you are struggling right now. Have you tried doing the five day pouch test to get off of the carbs? I know it is tough to do, but it really does work. Don't give up on yourself, we all go through times where we struggle a bit with this. I don't think we would be human if we didn't. We are all foodies, that is what got us to this point to begin with. So, it is not surprising when those old cravings/demons rear their nasty head. We just have to find a way to deal with them. My way of dealing with the cravings is by not cutting myself off completely from the foods I enjoy, yet know aren't good for me. I allow myself a few treats every so often. If I didn't, then I would probably go on a binge and eat that stuff all the time. But, because I do let myself have those things, I am able to do so in moderation and continue to lose weight.

You mentioned drifting away from your support groups. I think right now is when you need them most. Perhaps getting some counseling and making sure you are checking in with your online groups daily, and any other support groups you may have will help you get on track again. Also, you need to talk to your husband about what is going on with you and the emotions you are feeling. Perhaps he can attend a support group with you. It would help him to better understand what you are going through and be able to better support you.

Lastly, have you considered moving to the next stage and getting the DS? If that is something that you are able to do, perhaps it will help you in continuing your weight loss efforts.

Whatever you do, we are all here for you. Never apologize for venting. We are here to share and help one another with both the good times and the rough times. You have come so far, we want to be able to help you keep going.

[DownInSocal 12]

Lisa I really feel some professional counseling will help you as well as exploring the posibility of going forward with a DS. I think you, like almost all of us here are dealing with an addiction that is hard to keep control of. Drug addicts don't have to be exposed every single day to the drug of their choice. We are expected to consume our drug of choice and not go overboard. When you think about it that way it seems like a huge wall we must climb. Society does not help either by just making us feel like we are just lazy, not in need of help.

Keep us updated. We are here for you.

[Ky.hen 5]

Lisa, It is good to hear from you. You have been on my mind alot the last few days. I was going to private message you tonight. Then here you are. Please keep on posting so we know how you are doing. We care about you very much. I know you are struggling right now but that is why we get on this board. We are all here to support each other in the good times or the tough ones. You are already an inspiration to the rest of us by how much you have already lost. We need you as much as you need us. We are family and family sticks by each other. Please keep us updated on how you are. Hugs, Judy

[MacMadame 81]

Hi Lisa! I was thinking about you the other day... I remember that you had some complications with your surgery and I have always wondered if your doctor didn't make your sleeve as tight as normal because he was dealing with the nicked liver and the internal bleeding... that would explain your ability to eat more and your cravings.

I believe WLS is effective most of the time precisely because it controls our hunger. If you still have part of your fundus, you will have ghrelin than the rest of us and will feel more hunger. Getting switched could help combat that -- that's the way it seems to work for the DS gang anyway. Another option is to be resleeved to a smaller size but understanding is that this is risky and most of the time the surgeons won't recommend it.

[onmyway 0]

hi lisa

it really saddened me to read your post. did you talk to your surgeon about how much he reduced your stomach to??? if you have been able to eat larger amounts right from the get go then maybe your pouch is still too large. you have made tremendous progress in your weight loss though and 111lb is nothing to laugh at. so be proud of your accomplishments so far and try to get back on the horse. having support at home is also essential so i would talk to your hubby and pour your heart out to him in a bid to get him to understand what you are going through.

hang in there and know there are a lot of people who want you to succeed right here on this site.

donna

xx

[Lisanne 5]

Thanks for the support, Susan. I did the pouch test some time ago, or at least tried it. I just cant do liquids, even for a short time. I can manage one a day, but thats about it, otherwise it makes me sick. I think thats more mental than anything. Just the idea of going back to basics like that...ick.

Ive always had that same mentality of letting myself enjoy small amounts of the foods I love. Ive never totally denied myself anything except for sodas which still bother me even with small sips. I imagine it always will but I dont really want them.....now chocolate on the other hand....well, lets say, we get along well lol

I tried getting the DS back last winter, but Im just not financially able to do that. The surgeon who did my VSG, doesnt do the DS, but even if he did, I couldnt afford another trip to Mexico. So, the DS isnt an option.

As far as my husband goes... I think thats pretty much a lost cause. He supports me in weight loss, always has. Hes always been supportive with whatever I want, however, its more of an indifference with him....he just doesnt have that emotional tie anymore, I dont think.

I tried counselling, but couldnt find a counsellor that had any training with eating disorders (who accepted my insurance). I cant afford to pay for it out of pocket.

Ive had endless time to think of options and have tried several, but so many things arent viable.

I thank you for ur input. It always gives me more things to think about or re-visit in my thinking process.

Lisa, I am so sorry you are struggling right now. Have you tried doing the five day pouch test to get off of the carbs? I know it is tough to do, but it really does work. Don't give up on yourself, we all go through times where we struggle a bit with this. I don't think we would be human if we didn't. We are all foodies, that is what got us to this point to begin with. So, it is not surprising when those old cravings/demons rear their nasty head. We just have to find a way to deal with them. My way of dealing with the cravings is by not cutting myself off completely from the foods I enjoy, yet know aren't good for me. I allow myself a few treats every so often. If I didn't, then I would probably go on a binge and eat that stuff all the time. But, because I do let myself have those things, I am able to do so in moderation and continue to lose weight.

You mentioned drifting away from your support groups. I think right now is when you need them most. Perhaps getting some counseling and making sure you are checking in with your online groups daily, and any other support groups you may have will help you get on track again. Also, you need to talk to your husband about what is going on with you and the emotions you are feeling. Perhaps he can attend a support group with you. It would help him to better understand what you are going through and be able to better support you.

Lastly, have you considered moving to the next stage and getting the DS? If that is something that you are able to do, perhaps it will help you in continuing your weight loss efforts.

Whatever you do, we are all here for you. Never apologize for venting. We are here to share and help one another with both the good times and the rough times. You have come so far, we want to be able to help you keep going.

[Lisanne 5]

ahhhhh thanks Judy. That made me smile and feel a bit better. Its nice to have support and friends...esp those who know what Im going thru.

Im not sure how much of an inspiration I am...but thats nice to hear. I certainly have plenty of varying experiences :thumbup1:

Lisa, It is good to hear from you. You have been on my mind alot the last few days. I was going to private message you tonight. Then here you are. Please keep on posting so we know how you are doing. We care about you very much. I know you are struggling right now but that is why we get on this board. We are all here to support each other in the good times or the tough ones. You are already an inspiration to the rest of us by how much you have already lost. We need you as much as you need us. We are family and family sticks by each other. Please keep us updated on how you are. Hugs, Judy

[Lisanne 5]

I think I actually did contact my surgeons office at one point regarding the size of my new stomach. But by then it was too late and there wasnt anything that could be done about it. I couldnt afford to go back to him and have him try to make it smaller, not sure that he would have done that anyway. I had thot that since I had some complications during surgery, that he just wasnt able to get it small enough.....but since then, Ive heard of some of his patients having larger stomachs afterward too. In some ways that has been better one me, I didnt have some of the post op complications that others have with smaller ones.... however, the eating larger amounts certainly is a disadvantage.

hi lisa

it really saddened me to read your post. did you talk to your surgeon about how much he reduced your stomach to??? if you have been able to eat larger amounts right from the get go then maybe your pouch is still too large. you have made tremendous progress in your weight loss though and 111lb is nothing to laugh at. so be proud of your accomplishments so far and try to get back on the horse. having support at home is also essential so i would talk to your hubby and pour your heart out to him in a bid to get him to understand what you are going through.

hang in there and know there are a lot of people who want you to succeed right here on this site.

donna

xx

[Lisanne 5]

Those are my feelings as well. I think he did the best he could with what he was working with inside me....and truly, it was a good job. I didnt have any post op complications, etc.......except being able to eat more and still having my appetite. Getting the 2nd part of the DS isnt an option. I tried for that, thinking it was the solution. So, I have to deal with what I have.

Hi Lisa! I was thinking about you the other day... I remember that you had some complications with your surgery and I have always wondered if your doctor didn't make your sleeve as tight as normal because he was dealing with the nicked liver and the internal bleeding... that would explain your ability to eat more and your cravings.

I believe WLS is effective most of the time precisely because it controls our hunger. If you still have part of your fundus, you will have ghrelin than the rest of us and will feel more hunger. Getting switched could help combat that -- that's the way it seems to work for the DS gang anyway. Another option is to be resleeved to a smaller size but understanding is that this is risky and most of the time the surgeons won't recommend it.

[Lisanne 5]

Drug addicts do have it easier, in my opinion...not saying its easier..but we do have to eat to live, they dont require drugs to keep breathing, ya know..

Counselling isnt a financial option right now. The only ones that except my insurance, have no idea about eating disorders....I tried it and it was a waste of my time and money. The only good that came from it was that I got to talk about my feelings......well, I can do that here, for free...lol

Lisa I really feel some professional counseling will help you as well as exploring the posibility of going forward with a DS. I think you, like almost all of us here are dealing with an addiction that is hard to keep control of. Drug addicts don't have to be exposed every single day to the drug of their choice. We are expected to consume our drug of choice and not go overboard. When you think about it that way it seems like a huge wall we must climb. Society does not help either by just making us feel like we are just lazy, not in need of help.

Keep us updated. We are here for you.

[*susan* 1,709]

Lisa, I have heard a lot of wonderful things about TOPS. I have a couple of people I know online that are also unable to afford counseling, but need help with their food addictions in order for their wls to be successful. They have had nothing but great things to say about the support and help they get there. Is there a TOPS group near you, and would attending their meetings possibly be an option?

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

There is a book called the Beck Diet Solution. It's not a diet. It's supposed to retrain your mind. I have heard that the work book that goes along with the book is more helpful than the book. You can order it through Amazon. It helped me, but I didn't even know about the work book when I ordered the book. I paid $9 for the book through Amazon. Maybe there is even a copy of it at the library?

[MacMadame 81]

There is Dr. Ungston in MX too if your financial situation changes.

[Lisanne 5]

Someone told me about TOPS, but when I checked into it, we dont have any groups here..the nearest is like 3 hrs away. We dont have OA either, altho I tried that many yrs ago and got nothing out of it. I was the largest one there and they treated me like a leper...sad

Lisa, I have heard a lot of wonderful things about TOPS. I have a couple of people I know online that are also unable to afford counseling, but need help with their food addictions in order for their wls to be successful. They have had nothing but great things to say about the support and help they get there. Is there a TOPS group near you, and would attending their meetings possibly be an option?