Have you ever had someone, known or stranger, tell you something so outlandish you think they're joking but they're actually very serious? This happened to me lastnight (and several other times). And a few others I've been told...

Lastnight I was walking into a store, not paying attention, and tripped on a crack in the sidewalk. Nothing major, just a little hop. There was a guy walking behind me, in his 40s, dressed in a killer suit, looking like a pretty sharp guy. He asked me if I was ok, and told me he has a tendency to trip on nothing, too. Then he says, "It's too bad they can't do more about the ants." Completely confused I told him, "I'll trip over a lot of things, but an ant probably isn't one of them." He says, "No, no, I meant the cracks. That's how they get there, you know, the ants walk in the line for so many years that they wear out strips of the sidewalk concrete, that's what makes the cracks." I looked at him and waited for some sign that I was supposed to laugh, but it never came, so I played dumb and said, "Oh, I always thought it was from tree roots, or settling, or the contraction/expansion with the seasons." "Oh," he says, "All of that will contribute, but most of the problems come from the ants wearing down the concrete. On the roads too. That's why Missouri roads are so bad, we have too many ants." And he was dead serious.

A few years ago I was at the grocery store trying to pick out a watermelon using the knock-on-it technique. A lady comes up to me and asks, "What're you doing?" I told her that I was trying to find a good watermelon - and she laughed at me. Then she tells me, "You see all these scars all over the watermelon? (pointing to the brown rind areas, the fruit version of stretch marks) "Yeah..." "Well you have to go for the watermelon that has a lot of brown strips like that if you want a good one." (Being a smartass again) - "Why, because that's where all the sugar is, like in a brown banana?" "Oh, no hon, because the bees only go for the really good ones." "I'm sorry - what?" "The bees. The use their stingers to suck out all the watermelon juice, that's what makes these brown spots on the watermelon. So if you find one with a lot of brown, you know a lot of bees drank from it and it's a good one." So again, being an antagonist, I asked her, "But if all the bees already drank from it -- why would I want to be a sucked up, dry watermelon?" She laughed at me again. "Oh, that's what the pollen is for. They collect the pollen in their stinger, and as they suck the juice out they also put the pollen in the watermelon, and that makes it get juicier."

When I worked as a manager, one of my supervisors came to me, pretty panicked, asking if she could leave early. I told her sure, and that I hoped everything was OK, and to let me know if she needed anything. I assumed there was a family emergency or something serious because of the way she was acting/approaching me. She tells me, "Oh, no, it's really not a big deal, I just forgot to take down my hummingbird feeders." We *were* short staffed that day, so I asked her if that was something she needed to take care of now, or something that could wait another hour until she was off. She told me she really had to get home to do it now, she needed to have done it this morning but forgot. Then she tells me, "You see, it's pretty cold out today" (this was one of the first chilly days of late summer/early fall), "and I have to take down my hummingbird feeders so they won't stay at my house. If I keep feeding them they're going to want to stay, and they'll miss the geese." And she says this just like I should know what she's talking about. "What do you mean?" "They'll miss the geese." "I have no idea what you're talking about..." "So they can get a ride. That's why hummingbirds have such long beaks. They use them to clip onto the feathers under the geeses' wings and then ride on the geese south for the winter. There's no way they could fly that far by themselves, they're way too small."

I didn't witness this but my parents did. Per their story, they were standing on a pier over a lake watching the carp swarm the surface for pieces of bread. Several of the carp had scars from rochs, boat props, whatever. A guy came over to them and told them they shouldn't be feeding these carp. My parents asked why, and the guy told them, "They're mutants and we don't want more of 'em. See all those extra gills they're growing?" (as he points to the scars on their backs, heads...)

This is funny stuff - I have a million examples of myself being an idiot but a friend of mine, who is German (fluent in english and very smart!) came to visit me and I offered her some herbal tea. She said "no thanks, I don't drink caffeine" I said, no problem, this is decaffeinated herbal tea. And her response was that she knew it didnt have "caffe-ine" but it did have "tea-ine" She had thought that the chemical that keeps you up at night was called "caffe-ine" (as in cafe) if it was in coffee and "tea-ine" if it was in tea. She wanted no part of it. It took a very long time to convince her otherwise! Althouth I have to say, I can see where she got the idea.

I love this thread so very much!!! I can't remember who the OP was (sorry) but I just want to say thank you. I've always said it, "people are stupid." I have two stories, one is about how stupid I can be, the other I'm going to tell on my BF (best friend, not boy friend).

Me:

This was quite a few years ago. My dad and I were shopping at the mall in some store that had two levels. I asked him why there were two levels and he said it was because they kept all the expensive stuff up there. I said "oh that makes sense, that must be why there are more ways to go up than there are to go down."' Dad looks at me funny and asks what I mean. My reply "well there is only one down escalator but there is an up escalator AND an up staircase."

My friend:

We were driving down a loop highway in a city that she had lived in for over 10 years. This city (cincinnati, Oh) is is in the corner of its state and borders two other states. So she asks me "if we just kept driving what state would we come to next?" I tell her Indiana. She thinks about that for a second and then says "well what state would be after that?" I say Kentucky and she looks disappointed. Then she says "okay then what state?" I say "ohio" and her whole face just goes "huh?"

I guess she didn't get the whole concept of a looped highway.

My DH and I saw a Toyota he liked the other day. Bob said, "That's a good looking car. It has a foreign look to it."

Here's your sign, sweetheart.

One day in our restaurant the Soup du jour was "exotic mushroom"....my customer asked me "are the mushrooms safe?".............LOL

"here's your sign".............Carol

My S.O. is a paleontologist, so we fossil hunt regularly.

We were driving north on the 101 and just about every other exit had a name, and then "Cyn" after it.

I keep seeing this word "Cyn", and I'm thinking to myself, "Swan babies? Cygnet? Cyn, Cyn, Cyn.... What the heck could that mean??"

Finally I turn to S.O. and say in exasperation, "Do you have ANY idea what the Cyn on the exit signs mean??"

He looks at me weird, and says, "Uh, I think it means "Canyon"."

:doh:

We were, after all, looking for the Topanga CANYON exit!!!

Here's MY sign...

LOL

LOL @ Donali

A while back at a restaurant DH orders a salad. The waitress asks him, "Do you want ranch or our Southwestern ranch?" He asks, "What's the difference?" She thought for a while, then answered, "Oh, it's different."

I have a friend who is really dear, but not the brightest bulb in the bunch. We were all sitting around one night and discussing pregnancy and we were talking about how the vagina expands, etc. and she said "what are you guys talking about? The baby come out of the asshole, not the vagina!"

At first we thought she was joking, but then came to realize she was serious. She said "yeah, because the asshole stretches out alot more than the vagina." and we kept trying to tell her and she was adament that she was right (keep in mind we were all adult women in our 20's, not kids) she kept saying "No, I think you're wrong". We just laughed and laughed. About a week later, she said to one of our friends "I researched where babies come from and you know what? I think you were right!"

This same friend recently told me that hurricanes are named after the "person who spots them". Again, insisting that she was right. I don't know if she ever realized she's wrong on that one.

She also claimed that Black people have to have their right to vote renewed every 20 years. (She got confused about an article she read on the renewal of the civil rights act, but still, the enormous amount of misinformation she spouts...)

She also claims that the reason why Americans are so violent (she's from India) is because we don't normally have our children sleep in the same bed with us until they hit puberty.

My husband has a good one: he's an IT Director at a national company and deals with high level operating systems all over the US. One time a co-worker approached him and said "I'm so glad I found you! My mouse pad is broken!" Despite my husband's assurance that the mouse pad was fine, she insisted it was broken and made him give her a new one. Later he asked her how her new mousepad was working and she said "oh thanks so much! It's working great!"

Go figure...

I usually jog this certain trail and on the way out there is a sort of a ditch/water drain with a metal fence to shield it but anyone can just fall in. Kids play in it occaisionally. Ok so I jog passed it and see an alligator the size of me. I see him dipping into the Water, thinking I don't see it. So on my way to my mindpoint I spot a police officer. I tell him, hey.. there's a large alligator right there in that ditch. He asked me why I told him. I said b/c it's an alligator. He asked me if it was hazardous or would there be a problem with him there. I told him that children play in that ditch and walk by it everyday from the bus stop. He gave me another look and told me to call the animal patrol if I was really concerned.

Ok not a silly story but wow that cop was dumb.

i have 2 kids that are both college graduates and here is an example of what my money has paid for.

my dd and i were driving along the interstate on the way to Dallas and she ask me who Mr. Frontage is. i looked at her and asked what she was talking about and her reply was every big town has a road named for someone named frontage and i don't remember ever hearing about anyone by that name. we almost did not make it to dallas because i was laughing so hard i almost peed my pants!!!!

shortly after that my ds comes home after registering for college classes and i was quizzing him about what classes and who was the teachers. his reply was he had never heard of his engllish teacher but he taught a lot of classes so fool that i am i asked who the teacher was and ds said his named was MR. Staff!!!

now you have to remember both of these little darlings were grown and in college when we had these mind boggling conversations.!!!!

I usually jog this certain trail and on the way out there is a sort of a ditch/water drain with a metal fence to shield it but anyone can just fall in. Kids play in it occaisionally. Ok so I jog passed it and see an alligator the size of me. I see him dipping into the Water, thinking I don't see it. So on my way to my mindpoint I spot a police officer. I tell him, hey.. there's a large alligator right there in that ditch. He asked me why I told him. I said b/c it's an alligator. He asked me if it was hazardous or would there be a problem with him there. I told him that children play in that ditch and walk by it everyday from the bus stop. He gave me another look and told me to call the animal patrol if I was really concerned.

Ok not a silly story but wow that cop was dumb.

I don't think this story belongs in this thread. It should be your town's Local Newspaper plus on the desks of the town's Mayer and Police Chief.

A friend and I were driving into Canada one day to go shopping. Stopped at the border of course, and the customs guy said "Citizens?" We very politely said "Yes". He looked at us for a second, then said "Of...?" and we responded, in unison no less "Washington state". He just looked at us for a moment, then waved us through. We didn't realize how stupid our answer was until a minute or two later.

This was of course pre 9/11.

My extended family has gathered in and amongst three family owned lake front homes for the past 100 years. One branch of the family is, well, stinkin rich...and have done amazing things--one of my cousins travelled thru europe for a long time, studied art in Italy--lived in NYC (and still does) and is VERY VERY sophisticated......a tiny bit intimidating when we have to chat about what we've been doing with ourselves---she just seems soooo glam.

Well, I was in nursing school, so early 80's and whatsherface had just returned from Italy and blah blah blah, fake accent and alll, I was ready to puke...... a friend from the lake was asking her all about her trip.....some how they got to talking about where the lady was from and the topic of conversation turned to Vermont.......She asked whatsherface if she had ever been to Vermont. Whatsherface replied, 'No, I have never been out west.'

I nearly died. I choked on my drink, had to get up, nearly peed half running back to our house. My mother, always the essence of decorum, laughing, spewing peeing right behind me!

Still cracks me up after all these years......

Oh Man! This thread has had me laughing!

I'm afraid I've said some pretty stupid things... I have yet to live the following two down...

I had been sick with pnuemonia and was on my moms bed watching her play solitaire (I was facing her) I kept staring at the cards in amazement and she finally asked "What?!" and I asked her "How can you play with the cards upside down?"

She still teases me about that and it was almost 2 decades ago!!! I was sick! give me a break! LOL

My husband is still laughing about this one:

I just got a new fancy cell phone and was asking my husband about some of the features. I mentioned that there was a wire included in the packaging and he said that it was to hook the phone to the computer. I said "Oh that is the Blutooth wire then"? I couldn't figure out why he was laughing at me. *sigh*

Ah, fall, one of my favorite times of year. Thie air has a certian quality about it in the late afternoon. The geese and the ducks are migrating south, the swans are heading to their winter grounds in Skagit County near where I live.

One day, my dad and i were out in one of his fields picking crab apples so I could make crab apple butter for him. He pointed out a string of geese winging their way across the sky.

Daughter, there is a very sound scientific prinicple that explains why there are more birds in one arm of those Vs, do you know what it is?"

"No Dad, I don't, please tell me!"

A long pause, on his part. "Why Daughter dear, there are simply more birds in one arm than the other."

I'm still laughing about that one, years and years after he's gone.

(hijack HI DONALI!!!!)