Have you ever had someone, known or stranger, tell you something so outlandish you think they're joking but they're actually very serious? This happened to me lastnight (and several other times). And a few others I've been told...

Lastnight I was walking into a store, not paying attention, and tripped on a crack in the sidewalk. Nothing major, just a little hop. There was a guy walking behind me, in his 40s, dressed in a killer suit, looking like a pretty sharp guy. He asked me if I was ok, and told me he has a tendency to trip on nothing, too. Then he says, "It's too bad they can't do more about the ants." Completely confused I told him, "I'll trip over a lot of things, but an ant probably isn't one of them." He says, "No, no, I meant the cracks. That's how they get there, you know, the ants walk in the line for so many years that they wear out strips of the sidewalk concrete, that's what makes the cracks." I looked at him and waited for some sign that I was supposed to laugh, but it never came, so I played dumb and said, "Oh, I always thought it was from tree roots, or settling, or the contraction/expansion with the seasons." "Oh," he says, "All of that will contribute, but most of the problems come from the ants wearing down the concrete. On the roads too. That's why Missouri roads are so bad, we have too many ants." And he was dead serious.

A few years ago I was at the grocery store trying to pick out a watermelon using the knock-on-it technique. A lady comes up to me and asks, "What're you doing?" I told her that I was trying to find a good watermelon - and she laughed at me. Then she tells me, "You see all these scars all over the watermelon? (pointing to the brown rind areas, the fruit version of stretch marks) "Yeah..." "Well you have to go for the watermelon that has a lot of brown strips like that if you want a good one." (Being a smartass again) - "Why, because that's where all the sugar is, like in a brown banana?" "Oh, no hon, because the bees only go for the really good ones." "I'm sorry - what?" "The bees. The use their stingers to suck out all the watermelon juice, that's what makes these brown spots on the watermelon. So if you find one with a lot of brown, you know a lot of bees drank from it and it's a good one." So again, being an antagonist, I asked her, "But if all the bees already drank from it -- why would I want to be a sucked up, dry watermelon?" She laughed at me again. "Oh, that's what the pollen is for. They collect the pollen in their stinger, and as they suck the juice out they also put the pollen in the watermelon, and that makes it get juicier."

When I worked as a manager, one of my supervisors came to me, pretty panicked, asking if she could leave early. I told her sure, and that I hoped everything was OK, and to let me know if she needed anything. I assumed there was a family emergency or something serious because of the way she was acting/approaching me. She tells me, "Oh, no, it's really not a big deal, I just forgot to take down my hummingbird feeders." We *were* short staffed that day, so I asked her if that was something she needed to take care of now, or something that could wait another hour until she was off. She told me she really had to get home to do it now, she needed to have done it this morning but forgot. Then she tells me, "You see, it's pretty cold out today" (this was one of the first chilly days of late summer/early fall), "and I have to take down my hummingbird feeders so they won't stay at my house. If I keep feeding them they're going to want to stay, and they'll miss the geese." And she says this just like I should know what she's talking about. "What do you mean?" "They'll miss the geese." "I have no idea what you're talking about..." "So they can get a ride. That's why hummingbirds have such long beaks. They use them to clip onto the feathers under the geeses' wings and then ride on the geese south for the winter. There's no way they could fly that far by themselves, they're way too small."

I didn't witness this but my parents did. Per their story, they were standing on a pier over a lake watching the carp swarm the surface for pieces of bread. Several of the carp had scars from rochs, boat props, whatever. A guy came over to them and told them they shouldn't be feeding these carp. My parents asked why, and the guy told them, "They're mutants and we don't want more of 'em. See all those extra gills they're growing?" (as he points to the scars on their backs, heads...)

LOL @ Kimber-Lilly

A few years ago we went on vacation to the east coast. One day when we were in New York this gentleman found out we were from Idaho and asked if we still had to circle the wagon train at night!!! and he was serious. Another time somebody asked if we still had to worry about the indians scalping us. DH took off his hat and said "not any more." ( he is bald) lol

A few years ago we went on vacation to the east coast. One day when we were in New York this gentleman found out we were from Idaho and asked if we still had to circle the wagon train at night!!! and he was serious. Another time somebody asked if we still had to worry about the indians scalping us. DH took off his hat and said "not any more." ( he is bald) lol

That story reminded me of one:

We were debating American history once while in college, and one guy mentioned that the "Indians" (as they were know way back in the 1960's) deserved everything that they got because they were savages and scalped people (including women).

When we informed him that scalping was invented by the Europeans for bounty purposes, he came back with, "But, it is a known fact that it hurts more to be scalped by an Indian."

We are Australian and finally got to visit some dear friends of ours in the US last Dec, we had some hilarious encounters with people.

1. We met a couple from Maryland who told us in a slow, loud voice like we were mentally challenged or deaf that.... "YOU SPEAK GOOD AMERICAN".

2. Our friend's next door neighbour said to me....."I wouldn't have guessed you were Australian because you wear the same clothes as us."......what was she expecting me to wear....a kangaroo skin?

3. In Las Vegas a lady seriously asked us if we grew "bloomin onions" at home because she loved them.......I had no idea what they were until I was told it was a dish from the Outback Steakhouse.....BTW The Outback Steakhouse is NOT traditional Aussie food!

4. And this one is my favourite.......I was looking at clothes in Target when a lady heard my accent and asked where I was from, I replied "Australia"...she looked a bit surprised and said "I didn't know they had BIG people in Australia too!"......yes folks the USA does not have a monopoly on obesity. :confused:

My niece, who is 15 and extremely intelligent, was flipping through a magazine while talking to me. She came across a picure of Elton John and said, "You know its just so sad that he is blind." I asked her what she was talking about. She looked at me just as serious as she could be and began to explain to me that it was obvious that he was blind by the way that he dressed and that with as much money as he has surely he could afford to hire someone with better taste. She looks at me and says, "Its just so sad to see people with disabilities be mistreated."

From an extremely wealthy father, during the hearing for his contested child support payments for four children (he was contesting the order, felt it was too high of a payment):

Why should I have to pay hundreds and hundreds of dollars each month? Sally Struthers says on TV that you can feed a child for 32 cents a day!

My brother used to work with a guy at a service station. When it was hot and humid, the guy would say, "It's not the heat, it's the humility."

One of the funniest things a student ever wrote was: "Communism, like an octopus, spread its testicles all over the world." That happened in an essay a a professor in Illinois received from the student. Every time I think of it, I laugh, sometimes in places that I shouldn't laugh.