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Friends and sabatoge



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Has anyone noticed since you've dropped a decent amount of weight how people are around you??? For instance, I have a friend who invited me over for Breakfast and offered me: Danishes, Bagels, and assorted other carbs which are a huge no-no. I even attempted to "bring" healthy food such as omelets, and she still brought out coffee cake. It was so over whelming I wanted to leave. She isn't the only one either. :(

Another thing Ive noticed is many people don't say anything. Like "you look great". Instead they say comment on your hair. The people I'm referring are extended family members. I hadn't seen some of these people, and others react like WOW, and family are like, "oh your hair is cute". I'm standing there thinking, "really, my hair is what you notice".

I know I still have a way to go, but people stink. Which is why we probably are where we are. No support from friends and family. (Don't get me wrong, my kids and hubs are wonderful)

Thanks for letting me vent.

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It's frustrating, but I realized early on that I could only be responsible for my own actions and behavior. I couldn't allow myself to get wrapped up in what others were or weren't doing.

Like the Breakfast incident with the Bagels and danishes- we have to remember that the rest of the world doesn't follow the same food guidelines we do. Your friends can't be expected to give up favorite foods at social functions just because you don't eat them anymore. Our entire life we will be surrounded by foods we know we should stay away from. They'll be served at parties and holiday functions for decades to come. We have to make smart choices based on what we know is best for us regardless of what others around us might be eating. Expecting others to change their menus or meals based solely on our needs is unrealistic.

As far as people not mentioning your weight loss, it's likely because they're afraid to mention it. I found that until I lost a really huge amount of weight, people just avoided the topic. Weight is a very touchy subject and a lot of people won't bring it up for fear of offending you accidentally. I mean, if you say "wow you've lost weight!" to someone who hasn't, that person might just snap off "are you saying I'm fat?" Weight is a scary, delicate subject. I'm sure the people around you are just playing it safe, not trying to diminish your success.

Best wishes :)

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This is an event in our lives where the true friends rise and the frauds show their colors. I feel so fortunate to have 2 lifelong friends who will go out of their way to make sure my food needs are accommodated whether it's a night out or food in. This is a good time to weed the riff-raff out of your life!

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Happens all the time, when I was on mushies my MIL offered me FUDGE! she said well its soft and easy to chew UGH!

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For me , it was hard on my co-workers since we do potlucks and what not. I told them and I think they have finally got on, that they can cook and bring whatever they like, I can eat what I can and bring my own healthy foods. I don't have to eat everything (like I used too) and its true not everyone outside our families understand what we look at in the the foods we eat. And someones birthday is tomorrow and I suggested cheesecake. But I know I won't be around to eat it as I'm leaving early...

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For what it's worth, I've lost almost 90 pounds and people are only now starting to notice! I was little pissed off in the beginning, when I lost 40 pounds, that nobody was saying anything. Based on their reactions now, I realize that they just simply didn't notice... I guess nobody is looking as closely at me as I am.

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A really dear friend of mine gave this advice Years Ago:

People come into your life: for a reason and a season.

(When you've reached a fork in the road where your lives need to take different paths you sometimes just have to let go!)

You don't have to be mean; your don't have to be ugly; you just need to distance yourself.

With that being said: like mis73 said; sometimes these situations are unavoidable or not on purpose and in reality we cannot expect everyone to change... fast food places aren't closing their doors just because of our nation has an obesity problem.

BUT, we have a pretty good ideal who is actually unaware and who has dealt us a hand of sabotage. To those whom you know are sabotaging your wt-loss, well you just may need to add a little distance ... it's called self-preservation and there is nothing wrong with that! ..even when it's family!!!

-- I have never been one to easily believe, "oh, I am so sorry! I forgot you cannot have that". REALLY because no one has EVER forgets we are OBESE, so nice try!

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Hi and thank you you to all. I pretty much feel the same way, I guess I'm in a slump. And hearing positive comments from family would be nice. I do realize that some people are more self absorbed than others, or just don't even notice anything. And as for my friend's breakfast, I will have to continue to be strong. It's hard sometimes. And those are the times I walk into a different room so I don't loose my strength.

Thanks again all.

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OH I have one of those,...my MIL.

Oh look, the kids and I made 5 (Yes! Five!) loaves of banana nut bread...here they are for you

But I'm just as bad.. I turned to her and said no thanks and handed them back.

She uses my kids all the time as the carrier or an excuse to bring crap into my home. I've pushed back and it stopped. Just say, sorry, I cant physically eat that anymore and carry on. We cant stop what they do. And yes, there will be sabotagers who don't want you to leave them behind, or worse, be their new competition. But hey, we can't control that aspect of their lives either.

Just take pleasure in everything you have accomplished and are becoming. :)

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I understand totally! I have a very supportive group behind me for the most part, but I remember one of my best friends saying at the beginning of my journey during a conversation " I better get to losing again so you dont beat me". This friend is slender and had lost some weight during her divorce the bad way of not eating, but I just laughed and said " I'm not in a competition with you and I am far from being your size right now. But if you feel you want to get a jump start go ahead."

At first I was offended, then I thought I bet she is scared of my progress coming so quickly. I am in this for myself, and I don't let anyone get in my way. Of course I slip once in a while, but I make those choices fully knowing what I am doing.

Sent from my iPad using LapBandTalk

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I understand totally! I have a very supportive group behind me for the most part, but I remember one of my best friends saying at the beginning of my journey during a conversation " I better get to losing again so you dont beat me". This friend is slender and had lost some weight during her divorce the bad way of not eating, but I just laughed and said " I'm not in a competition with you and I am far from being your size right now. But if you feel you want to get a jump start go ahead."

At first I was offended, then I thought I bet she is scared of my progress coming so quickly. I am in this for myself, and I don't let anyone get in my way. Of course I slip once in a while, but I make those choices fully knowing what I am doing.

Sent from my iPad using LapBandTalk

LOL, I have a friend like this and she is my best encouragement. A little competition is good for you.

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