limbo

[Murphles 0]

Massively depressed.

My husband has asked me to hold off on scheduling until he gets this contract for his business.

I just feel like my life is on hold. I watch the days go by wondering how many more do I have to feel like this. I want my band birth day.

I keep holding off on new projects in my life-I don't want to speak in public, I don't want to go out dancing, I don't want to do my hobbies (which require clothes that I have to fit into).

While I am scared of any surgery, everything else I have tried has failed. I am convinced this is the way to go....but I am in limbo land

[PhotoNut 7]

Aww.. *hugs Murphles*

Talk to your man. He loves you and wants the best for you both, I'm sure. He's concerned about having his ducks in a row before making such a big commitment. But there's no time like the present, right?

Talk to him and tell him what you've told us. Explain that each day that goes by, is one day out of your life that you will never get back. Tell him how much you want to be living and enjoying these days and how much you need this - for you. I'm sure he'll understand and perhaps begin to look at this from a new perspective.

[DonnaB 3]

I know just how you feel. I had been putting my life on hold for years. The only thing I can say is, take pleasure in the things you can - there have been moments when I'd trade my soul for some fresh bread - but don't over do it and then beat yourself up about it. You've been strong for a long time, you can hang on for a little longer. How long before the contract goes through?

Sorry, not much in the way of advise I know. Good luck.

[DonnaB 3]

I almost forgot:

Do tell about your hobbies! I'm a costumer and your post has roused my curiousity.

[sleepyjean 0]

Let's say you don't get banded for five years. Would you rather spend the next five years being miserable and anxious about it? Or would you rather spend the next five years enjoying your life? Worrying isn't going to make it happen any sooner. Allowing yourself to angst about it and sink into a depression won't make it happen any sooner. <b>You have to accept the not-knowing - at least for now.</b> It's difficult, I know, but you have to hit your mental RESET button.

When you find yourself dwelling on it, do something - anything to get your mind off of it. It will get easier. In my case, I had to take a break from these boards for a few weeks. It was too hard to read about everyone else making progress and reaching their goals while I was sitting there, stuck, waiting 6 weeks just to get in to see my doctor for a referral! LBT is an incredible resource, but I think at times it can be painful when you feel you are on the outside looking in.

But it WILL get better. You will get there.

[vinesqueen 2]

Oh dear, waiting is so hard.

One of the most important lessons my mother ever taught me was don't wait on your weight. She spent all my life waiting to lose weight, waiting on one thing so she could do other things in her life. I saw how miserable she was, waiting for something that would never happen. She's been MO my entire life, and has really let that stop her from doing so many fun and interesting things.

I'll do X when I lose Y pounds. But she never really lost those Y pounds, be they 10 or 100 pounds. Sure she'd been on a diet of one sort or another but diets don't work.

When I was 18 I determined that my weight was never ever going to stop me from doing anything I wanted. It wasnt until I was at my highest weight when I physcially couldn't do the things I wanted, like amusement park rides. Saftey first!

A few weeks after I was banded I was taking horseback riding lessons. The only hard part was cleaning their feet because the incisions were still fresh and picking up their feet to pick them was difficult, but do-able.

As big as I am, I belly dance in public. Yup, I'm a professional belly dancer. All 235 pounds of sexy me.

Please don't wait do life your life! Do not let your weight hold you prisoner!

[TheWomanWithin 0]

Murphles;

I feel for you, I recently went through this also.

I finally found a way to help myself to get healthy and actually LIVE life again and my husband threw me a roadblock.

I was angry, depressed and almost gave up. THen I said NO WAY and fought back...

He told me if I got what I wanted with WLS he got to go party "alone" :Banane20:for 3 days at his reunion next year! omg like I was asking for a swimming pool or a new car instead of something that would save my life.

I decided to write him a letter and tell him how I felt and how much it hurt that he did not support me in this decision.

What is Morbid Obesity?

Though we all use the terms "fat" and "obese" casually in conversation, there is a medical definition of the condition—and yes, obesity is considered a health "condition."

According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), a person is considered "obese" when he or she weighs 20 percent or more than his or her ideal body weight. At that point, the person's weight poses a real health risk.

Obesity becomes "morbid" when it significantly increases the risk of one or more obesity-related health conditions or serious diseases (also known as co-morbidities).

Morbid obesity—sometimes called "clinically severe obesity"—is defined as being 100 lbs. or more over ideal body weight or having a Body Mass Index (BMI) of 40 or higher.

According to the NIH Consensus Report, morbid obesity is a serious chronic disease, meaning that its symptoms build slowly over an extended period of time.

Health Threats

Double the risk of early death if your weight is more than twice your ideal

5-7 times greater risk of death from diabetes or heart attack

High risk of "end-stage" (untreatable) obesity.

Numerous negative social, psychological and economic effects

Obesity-related Health Conditions

Obesity-related health conditions reduce life expectancy. Here are some of the more common conditions.

Type 2 Diabetes. People who are obese become resistant to insulin, which regulates blood sugar levels. They end up with high blood sugar, which causes Type 2 diabetes. More information about Type 2 diabetes

High blood pressure / Heart disease.The heart doesn't work right when the body is carrying around excess weight. So the obese person usually gets hypertension (high blood pressure), which leads to strokes and damages the heart and kidneys.

Osteoarthritis of weight-bearing joints. Additional weight placed on joints--especially knees and hips--causes rapid wear and tear, along with pain and inflammation. Similarly, the strain on bones and muscles in the back leads to disk problems, pain, and decreased mobility.

sleep apnea / Respiratory problems. Fat deposits in the tongue and neck can block air passages, especially in patients who sleep on their backs. This causes them to lose sleep and results in daytime drowsiness and headaches.

Gastroesophageal reflux disease (Hiatal hernia and heartburn). Excess weight weakens and overloads the valve at the top of the stomach, which then allows stomach acid to escape into the esophagus. This is called gastroesophageal reflux, and "heartburn" and acid indigestion are common symptoms.

Approximately 10-15% of patients with even mild heartburn develop Barrett's esophagus, which is a pre-malignant change in the lining membrane and a cause of esophageal cancer.

Depression. People who are obese must deal with constant, depressing emotional challenges: failed diets, disapproval from family and friends, remarks from strangers. Plus, they often experience discrimination and cannot fit comfortably in public places.

Urinary stress incontinence. A large, heavy abdomen relaxes pelvic muscles, compounding the effects of childbirth. This weakens the valve on the urinary bladder allowing leakage when coughing, sneezing, or laughing.

Menstrual irregularities. Morbidly obese individuals often experience menstrual disruptions, such as irregular or absent periods and increased pain during the cycle.

It had such an impact on my husband, he has actually started reading the things I gave him and even talked to me about the surgery and I think he is actually coming around to the real "conditions" of me being overweight.

In the mean time, I am going through with my appointments to get pre-qualified and get my surgery set.

Bloodwork on Monday and have to see a Urologist in 2 weeks for kidney problems BUT THEN I can schedule my surgery!! woohoo :banana (does the happy dance)

Don't give up hope

[Murphles 0]

Thank you for all of your kind comments. I know that I should not stop living-and of course I have not-I have two teenagers-one can never stop. But I am self conscious. I have not been heavy all of my life and I know the difference. Certain kinds of activities such as dancing, speaking in public and horseback riding. (cover your eyes-certain sexual positions ). My husband has not said no and he is incredibly supportive. He just asked me to wait. And today, right now, that is tough. Just the idea of another summer not embracing the acitivities that I enjoy bums me out. And honestly, these activities are just not as much fun when you are heavy. I hate running and hiking when I am heavy-my legs rub together, I seem to get horrible sores on my feet, and my feet and joints hurt. I hate riding when I am heavy-first off there is a lot of stress on the horse. Second, I jiggle in ways that make it more difficult. Dancing-I, maybe not others, but I just can't find my groove with my belly in the way.

So yeah, I know I am whining and I will get my head together-but thanks for the support. I am one of those people who once they make a decision are ready to go-AND I AM READY TO GO.

[K@t 38]

Hey Murphles,

I know EXACTLY how you feel. My husband did the same thing, he said, sure honey thats a great idea!! So I jumped on the train trying to find out when and where I could get it done ASAP. Turns out I can get it done here in Portugal where I live, but I will have to wait...God knows how long (about a year I'm guessing) however I found out I could have it done in France next month! But cool, calm hubby says.....just wait for it here, its easier.

But of course I was chomping at the bit to go to France, however, then I would have to find a fill doctor here in Portugal, and of course there are all those other problems like what if there is a complication etc... it would be a lot easier if I just waited and got it done here in Portugal. (plus if I wait it will be almost free in Portugal but around $6000 in France) However, I'm not very patient, plus like you I would like to actually walk on the beach with my head up this summer. At the moment I am trying to go through a little loop hole here in Portugal that may allow me to get it done faster....if that works, great.....if it doesn't, I'm going to be pressuring my hubby to go to France, cuz I don't think I could handle waiting another year.