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How Do You Tell Someone That You're Dating That You Have A Lap Band?



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I was banded in Dec 2011. I've been a slow loser, so far down 50lbs. I'm ok with that. However, I just recently started dating again and the 2 people that I've told that I have a band, I never heard from again.

I have been dating someone now for about a month, we have gone out several times and we get along great. He knows that I just dont eat certain foods (breads, Pasta, etc) and that I dont eat much, but I have not told him that I have a band for fear that it will ruin things.

How does someone bring this topic up when you are just dating someone? I do like this guy and see us dating more, but is it going to scare him away as well when he finds out that I have the band? Or, should I just not say anything unless he specifically asks?

Thanks

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Imvho- don't tell him until you feel it's right. Why should he care? It's not like you have to confess to being a serial killer or that it's even something that would affect him. He knows what you eat like, so whatever. Maybe if it comes up, or he asks (if he sees the scars, etc), you don't want to lie, but you can be nonchalant- "oh, I had lapband a year ago," like it's no big deal- because it's not.

Good luck!!! If it's right it won't matter about the band one iota.

Ymmv :)

edited because spelling is important!!

Edited by JustDoIt130

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Is it an issue really?

I'm not trying to be flippant, but why are you worried about telling him?

I've played my band fairly low-key. My wife (obviously) knows, as does my pastor, and a few close friends... most people who know me, including people who I have known and eaten with for years, have no clue... and that's the way I like it.

If you get to the point that you are talking marriage, when discussion of medical issues comes into play, then it becomes an issue. If you are not that serious, than it just doesn't matter.

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I don't understand why it is relevant. It wouldn't matter to me, but then again I am biased. Generally speaking though I would see at a plus. It means you've taken control to make a lifestyle change to be healthier. That's a good thing in my book.

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If someone is really liking you for you then he is not going to care that you have the band. The truth is that the other two that you did go out with might not have really 'felt the vibe' or maybe they like their women with some meat on them and didn't want to end up with a thin woman.

Regardless, you don't need to tell someone that you have it until you feel comfortable with it, it is not an STD or anything.

ON the other hand IF you are fearful that the guy will bail on you just because you have a band, then let the truth fly!

It is better to be rid of someone that won't accept you vs. worrying about hiding something for fear he will run off.

The scars will fade for the most part, so that shouldn't even be an issue.

After I left my ex husband who I was with when I was banded, I went out on all sorts of casual dates. I did not tell everyone, because they were not going to see me naked and honestly if I wasn't sure I just met them at a Starbucks this way it was something casual and nothing that I had to deal with food or anything. Not alot of time invested if it was not something I wished to pursue. My husband on the other hand, we actually met from an online dating site and had quite a bit of conversation before meeting. I did tell him but he didn't really mind nor worry about it, it just did not make a difference. I finally got another fill and he is 100pct supportive and would say if the guy is worth anything he is not going to care if your banded or not. If he does care, then kick him to the curb. Damn I sound harsh huh lol

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  • If they care about the band that much to not date you then they arent the right people for you! Its not like its a disease or something! So what if you can teat certain things or eat alot....they should be happy! The less you eat...the cheaper the food bill when you go out! lol I say tell him and if he doesnt like it then you know it was not meant to be!

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I think its better to put it out there and if they dont like it move on, you did the band to better yourself. my opinion!

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If he actually notices the scars you could just say "oh I had some minor surgery," which is true. Leave it at that unless he ask you more. I was told once when raising my children to answer their questions as honestly as you can without adding more information than they were really interested in or mature enough to handle. This is pretty much how I handle most people now. If they need or want to know, they will ask. If not, there is no reason to feed them more information. Same holds true for you. If you want more details about him or his life, wouldn't you ask?

Good luck!

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He has seen my scars and we have talked about some past medical issues. I just left it vague saying that I've had multiple surgeries on my stomach (which is true and I have more scars than just my band scars). I've debated on not saying anything, and leaning more towards that just because there are already very few people that even know.

Thanks for your feedback, I agree, the two that bailed after finding out, are not worth my time anyway!.

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You don't ..! Hell your just dating not getting married!

when you all discuss going out on a date pick something fun to do instead of go out to dinner. Try dancing or playing pool or the movies.....try inviting another couple over for board games. But honestly it is none of thier business until you start getting serious with them (really) serious.. Good Luck

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I would say unless it's serious, then you don't need to tell.

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It was hard for me to not tell her!! Kind of a funny story. After several weeks of wining, dining and romancing we decided that things have been great so lets consumate our relationship. Well we was doing the things people do and she reached up and rubbed my belly, everything stopped and she asked me if I had a tumor the size of a golf ball or something! I told her that it was a pump for my penis and how do you like it? she believed it and I couldn't stop laughing for a really long time she kept asking what so funny so finally I told her about Lap Band!! Now its a inside joke for us. When we go out with friends and stuff like that after a few hours I rub where the port is and we both start cracking up. Our friends and family look so confused.

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That's hilarious Ric!

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hey the funny part was she must have been rubbing pretty hard to feel that :wub:

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hey the funny part was she must have been rubbing pretty hard to feel that :wub:

Nope mine sticks out noticeably! LOL

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