What do I say?(sorry long)

jude0426 · March 4, 2006

Hi, my surgery date is the 31st of March. At this point it is a secret from everyone except my husband, parents, and of course my children. My mom and sister did have Gastric bypass so I do have that support. And even though my husband cannot understand the magnitude of my situation, he is VERY supportive. Loves me either way, but wants me to be happy, whether that is at 220 or 140. This has been something I have wanted for so long, I have researched Gastric Bypass for many years. I never qualified for the gastric bypass, so when I came across the band, it was like something sent from Heaven! This is my last chance to be the woman I was pre-babies. The woman my vary thin husband married almost 11 years ago. He didn't have much time with her (and her happy self) because as soon as the babies came, the weight never went away. The worst part, I used to be a runner, 5 to 10 miles a day 4 days a week plus Physical fitness training 5 days a week (I was in the army). Over the past 3 or 4 years my husband (who is in the Army) has been away quite a bit. Deployed for a year in 2003 and again now as I type. Unfortuately my coping mechinism is eating. And eating the wrong things. I know I should grab the apple instead of the Cookies. I even stopped buying any kind of Snacks so I won't eat them. That just leads me to eat out. My MAJOR vice. I truely don't have any friends who have a weight problem. Anyone I have mentioned it to hems and haws about why would you do that, try this try that. Honestly someone who is a size 5 (which is what I was when we got married) and doesn't feel good and loses 15 lbs to feel good CANNOT EVEN relate to the pain and anguish inside of someone like me. 15 lbs to me is nothing, I can pee that out! My best friend just flat out said I am wrong and shouldn't do it. So, I have told no one. I even told my kids this is not somethign they discuss with their friends or teachers etc. My mom is coming to take care of them while I am in Mexico. I told htem I would inform their teachers I will be out of town, but they don't need to tell them why. My kids are having a rough time with me going away, especially since my husband is deployed, mommy here is at least something. I explained to them that it is time I do something for me again. All my energy has gone into raising them and that energy is about gone. I haven't been in many photographs in the past 5 years, I want to be in pictures again! I can get out and play ball and stuff, but I tire easily and have sit down.

So, I guess to my original question, what, in personal experiences, have you told people after your weight lose? I mean, do you tell them how you did it? Or do you just smile and say thanks. I guess I feel like maybe they would redicule me all over again for wanting and doing this. Thanks for any advice or input.

Heather

NJChick · March 4, 2006

Hi Heather,

I only told people very very close to me. I feel this was a personal decision and I don't want people watching me eat under a magnifying glass.

If you feel like the folks around you can't understand your decision to be banded, than don't tell them.

Just smile and say thanks

GOOD LUCK !!!

HarleyNana · March 4, 2006

I told anyone who asked and was interested, unless I was in a awkward place. The other night my DH and I stopped for a drink at the local bar, one of his buddies said, "Man, your wife has lost a lot of weight, she's looking good", (((smile here))), then he came over and asked how I'd lost so much weight, I just said the Adkins diet, it was just easier.

I think it's a personal decision, as for people watching what and how much you eat, once they know, well you're gonna have that, LOL.

DOC · March 4, 2006

Girl... I feel your pain. I feel it in all your words and the unspoken words. I have been there. This is my last mountain to climb and I am determined to win the fight against the food demons ....

I also went to Mexico. I told only my DH, my two grown sons and a couple very close friends who are non judgemental. Once you tell someone, you can't take it back. You can decided to share with more people after surgery when you don't feel under such pressure.

I am feeling so much better about myself. I am only 7 weeks post op but my attitude has changed so much.... My confidence is up, my self esteem is returning.

Food used to be my best friend.... now I am trying to make it the band!

Good luck on your journey and may you find the peace you are looking for!

Shontel · March 9, 2006

I'm going through the same thing you are. I am saving up right now but will be going to Mexico as well. I have told my mom and sis (who like yours both had gastric bypass surgery) and 2 close friends. That's it. I think I am going to play it by ear and take situations as they come. Right now, I don't think I will care what people will think, because when I'm lookin hot it won't matter. Its a personal decision I guess. Good luck, were all here for ya!

jude0426 · March 9, 2006

Right now, I don't think I will care what people will think, because when I'm lookin hot it won't matter.

Exactly! LOL

I'llsucceed · March 9, 2006

HI there- I am a total closet bandster. Only my mom & sister know plus 2 friends(my sis & one friend are out of state) I didn't tell the rest of my family nor any other friends.

I simply stat I am watching what I eat(which I am ) & that I started getting into an exercise routine(which I did) the weight loss is very slow w/the band. So the explainations fit perfectly. People have just recently said I look like I lost weight- I tell them 1/2 of what i have really lost everytime. SO I say I have lost 16 pounds & they say "yeah" you can tell but actually I am down 32 somedays 35. I plan on eventually telling everyone I lost 50 pounds when really it will have been 100;0) No one has ever expected anything.

I did just recently start dating a guy- he did finally ask me about my port scar. I said I had a growth removed & it has scar tissue under it. He seemed passified but I think if hes around for a few more mnths I will tell him the truth. For now there is no reason for him to know.

Ceparano · March 10, 2006

I don't plan on telling anyone outside my family except one close friend. Everyone else, if they ask I'll say I'm being careful what I eat due to a problem with my stomach. I will not elaborate. It's none of their business, and I don't need the negativity!!!

picardy3 · March 11, 2006

I've only told three people at work and will probably tell my boss when I'm turning in the form for the days off that I will need, though maybe not.

My mother knows and one of my uncles knows. His wife had the RNY several years ago and he's already called to let me know that they are totally supportive of what I'm doing. Mom and I have not told my dad yet because he tends to worry over things excessively. We will tell him when it gets closer to the date or when I see him over spring break.

Mostly I just don't want to work in a fishbowl and have everybody asking me lots of questions. We're a small faculty, so it will be noticed when I'm not there for over a week.

Audra