I have been married 2 years and the first 6months to a year was really rough and I dragged him to counseling where he reveled the only problem he has with our marriage is my weight. Shocker to me since I weighed less than we he met me and also when he married me. It put a big strang on our relationship. I feel like he doesn't desire me or he is going to leave me bc I'm fat. I'm not planning on the Lapband bc of him. I thought abou the lap band long before him. I told him during that counseling session that ie I'll never get over that comment because if I stay heavy I will know he hates it and if I become thin and he loves me more I will hate him for being so shallow. I want to do this for me but how do I get over that feeling. Have any of you lost alot of weight and your significant other desires you more and that offends you? Thanks for the advice

I have been married for 18 years and my husband has seen me at my lowest and highest weight. He has always been more interested in sex when I was thinner. I guess I don't blame him but that doesn't make it hurt any less. He is not supportive of my upcoming surgery and I know once I start losing, he will probably want me more and I am afraid I will feel resentful.

I have been married for 5 1/2 years and when I met my husband I was 215lbs. Before my surgery in august 2011 I was 283. I am currently 219 so almost back to where I was. He has never said anything about my weight but I feel like he is more attracked to me the more I lose. I think some guys are just jerks, some don't know what to say, and some say the wrong things. Just start by liking yourself and how you look and feel. The hurt may never fully go away but once you start losing it might not be as painful. I have learned that this process and journey is for me and my health. Some people come along for the ride and others don't. Just make sure you have a support person to talk to.

my hubby has loved me through thick and thin, literaly. although he never said a word about my 100 lb weight gain i knew he wasnt happy with it, but hey, neither was i ! i've lost 32 lbs so far and while he does see me as more attractive, its not just on the outside. Im happier because i FEEL better, im out walking or swimming 3x a week, my clothes are getting bigger and since im fitting into alot of my old clothes , i put way more effort into looking nice everyday. weight loss=self esteem and self confidence=attractive !Thats just human nature !

I have been married 2 years and the first 6months to a year was really rough and I dragged him to counseling where he reveled the only problem he has with our marriage is my weight. Shocker to me since I weighed less than we he met me and also when he married me. It put a big strang on our relationship. I feel like he doesn't desire me or he is going to leave me bc I'm fat. I'm not planning on the Lapband bc of him. I thought abou the lap band long before him. I told him during that counseling session that ie I'll never get over that comment because if I stay heavy I will know he hates it and if I become thin and he loves me more I will hate him for being so shallow. I want to do this for me but how do I get over that feeling. Have any of you lost alot of weight and your significant other desires you more and that offends you? Thanks for the advice

I can't say that I have had an identical situation, but can relate to what others have said.

My husband and I have been married for 39 years. During 2 of my 3 pregnancies, I gained way too many pounds ( 85 with son #2, 65 with son #3). I managed to loose all of the "baby weight" both times. I lost the weight because I wanted to do it for me, not to seek his approval, though he did make me aware that he did not find me at all attractive while pregnant and overweight.

I had this surgery because of health issues related to my weight (highest weight 246), and my husband was supportive of my decision. The point I am trying to make is that you will resent him if you are not loosing the weight because YOU want to. To get past the hurt feelings he has caused, and avoid resentment from developing, you must get in touch with the reasons you are having the surgery.

That this surgery is something you will do for yourself is the key. That he approves or does not is not relevant. You can take the credit for the hard work and investment in yourself as you reap the benefits of health and improved self esteem. In psychology, we call this "cognitive restructuring", and changing the way you think and feel about your weight issue is essential for success.

I hope that this helps you...good luck for success!

A man is gonna be a man regardless of what you do. When you really think about it they don't know what they want. My hubby has accepted me thick and thin. I chose this for me although he did not approve. I was not happy wiith the heaviness and medical issues so I did me. My goal in life is to be happy, not please a man, from experience that can be disappointing. Lose weight for you. what happens if you lose weight and he still does not desire you? I believe I would have some resentment, men have to deal with their inner self its not my job. Also, What would happen if we started picking out their flaws? If you marry for love weight should not matter that's the solution. Good luck

instead of feeling resentment for his comment, you should revel in the fact that you are losing and getting more and more attractive. To me your man probably said that to be hurtful, if you were having trouble, it was probably easier to blame your weight than to get down to the real problem. He probably even believed his nonsense. But like you said, you were smaller now than when you got together, so take for what it was an excuse and don't let excuses keep you from your meeting your goals. If you love him, then get past it, and enjoy the new you. Let him deal with your new attractiveness!

Thanks everyone. I am doing this for me. I thought he would be all excited that undecided to do this but when I told him it was something I was thinking about he told me not to do it! Just crazy. I am doing it for me but I'm also doing it for my future children. At 285lbs an working in the medical field my back is killing me and I have no energy. I'm doing this for my future children ago I can run and play and be a good mom. I just signed up for the seminar and decided last night to get off the fence and drive right in and made the choice to have the surgery. Had a terrible nights sleep and my back is killing me to that reaffirmed the choice.

I have been married for 18 yrs this month. Am i the same 5/6 i was when we met NO ! is he the guy with the six pack biceps an all that no. But u grow old together. He loves me for me an i love him for him. Would he like me to be thinner sure just for my health? Probably not. Would i like him to have that sexy six pack again sure. As long as he wS healthy.

What im trying to say is through thick n thin (literaly) i love him an he loves me. But who doesnt want their mate to be attractive.

But there is ALWAYS a kind an loving way to say an do things