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Question: Was I too hard on the hubby?



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People who have never had weight/food issues often 'just dont get it' - they really dont understand that food (especially 'naughty' food, or large amounts) has meaning for us psychologically and that when that is 'ripped from us' (I say ripped even though we volunteer for surgery because thats what it felt like to me) we can feel very vulnerable and all sorts of feelings, that the food was blocking, can come up from inside us - pain, loss, ANGER, fear, grief, lonliness etc etc. For me losing food is like losing my heart, my best friend and my medicine in one go. I am not surprised you got so upset. I dont know if what I have said resonates for you or not but if it does - perhaps you could explain it to him, tell him that you are particularly vulnerable right now and would he mind laying off the teasing until you have made peace with your food/weight demons - or at least had a chance to get used to them.

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Sounds like he's a bit of a smartass with the common sense of a soap battleship to me.

It's possible you have a long history of 'hard' teasing towards each other and thats where thats coming from. You can answer that one :)

Communication is the key and talking things out might help. That sense of humor might have been one of the key reasons you picked him in the first place.

He is a smartass and we have constantly picked on each other for years...and we have had counseling for it. We had a sit down last night and I busted out into tears telling him how bad he hurt me and that I am really having a tough time, and support would be nice. He said that he was sorry, it was just his since of humor! I told him that I saw nothing funny about it, and that maybe we should all start making jokes around the house about his hair loss (which is his bigggest insecurity)! It shut him up...and he said OK..I really am sorry and he got kind of red in the eyes. I let it go after that!

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I guess I will take this from a different viewpoint. If your husband is a supportive caring man, and if he thought you might have a big VALENTINES dinner ready for the two of you, he might have been trying to honor the holiday and your relationship, not trying to hurt you. You just have to know your husband. He might have been not thinking about the Lap Band but about the romantic holiday.

Joy32

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thats not my husband!! He was not thinking of the holiday...trust me..and I forgot to mention that it was 8:00 at night when he came home. He was just being a smartass. But thanks for trying to give him the benefit of the doubt!

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This is another topic but my husband couldn't boil Water I hate it when he comes to me and acts like a little child and asking what there is to eat and then complains that he doesn't like the way I cook he is constantly coming to me when we are out eating do you want some bread or want some soda he just doesn't get it and he never will he is skinny never had a weight problem he was not supportive when I was pre op post op or anything he came to me and said he realized he wasn't supportive but I did this for me and I didn't need his approval people don't change and you have to accept how he is

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My DH brought all sorts of junk into the house while I was on liquids.... pizza, fast food, you name it. At first I was really irritated, and then I realized that it was his way of dealing with his jealousy over me getting the band (he could stand to lose 75 lbs). He's a great guy, so don't get the wrong impression - it wasn't done to hurt me. Food has always been a huge part of our relationship, and I think he was mourning the loss of his eating buddy. Fortunately, he's now getting on board and losing some weight himself. Men are just as insecure about being heavy when their spouse is thin.

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This is another topic but my husband couldn't boil Water I hate it when he comes to me and acts like a little child and asking what there is to eat and then complains that he doesn't like the way I cook he is constantly coming to me when we are out eating do you want some bread or want some soda he just doesn't get it and he never will he is skinny never had a weight problem he was not supportive when I was pre op post op or anything he came to me and said he realized he wasn't supportive but I did this for me and I didn't need his approval people don't change and you have to accept how he is

Are we married to the same man? lol!

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I'm not so sure but I'm begining to think that the majority of the "men" that don't have a problem with weight are unsupportive & smartass's when it comes to us. B'cuz my man although we aren't married he is the same way I cook for him everyday although most the time I don't eat because he is a beef eater and I can't eat beef....BUT never-the-less he knows that i've been trying really hard to meet my goal weight and lastnight he really up-set me....maybe I'm too sensitive but he's all the time telling me "you don't need to lose anymore weight, your fine how u are if i didn't like u big then I wouldn't be with u" well he knew that I had my surgery when we first got together to be smaller I didn't do this for him I did it for myself but lastnight we was talking about my doctor's appt. Monday I'm hoping I've lost atleast 20lbs when i go back but he just comes out of no-where and says "no I don't believe u've lost anything b'cuz if u had I would be able to pick u up and carry you"........that hurt my feelings because he knows I'm senstive ....and he's skinny so it doesn't matter what he eats or how much he eats......I just think that all men are unsensitive and smartass's to a certain extent....i'll get over this eventually....lol but I think that maybe we should be like them in certain cases....something that's really special or important to them that they are sensitive about just bash it like they do us at times......LOL i don't know I'm ramblin'.....but you wasn't at all hard on him he deserves for u to be angry with him...

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Monday I'm hoping I've lost atleast 20lbs when i go back but he just comes out of no-where and says "no I don't believe u've lost anything b'cuz if u had I would be able to pick u up and carry you"........that hurt my feelings because he knows I'm senstive ..

That would have hurt my feelings also....I probably would have spouted off to my husband...fine, I will find a man who can carry me...your to damn weak!! Wouldn't be my most mature moment....but I promise you I probably would have said something like that! LOL!

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LOL well I did say a few choice words that was probably immature at the moment....but what gets me....is after they've already hurt your feelings...."oh i was just playing with you why are u so serious all the time"......try to play it off slick when they really just didn't think before they opened their mouth the begin with...

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omg.. Nessa! That is too funny!!

Im all for being kind and loving, looking on the bright side of things, giving the benifit of the doubt to those I love and trust. But I have to agree on this one.

Staceys hubby was laughing, meaning he was clearly only playing around but still. Bah on him for being such a dork!

(psst.. good call on the hair loss thing! whatever works eh? *grin*)

Nessa's hubby? He'd have been wearing the bucket on his head!

(psst.. did you lick your fingers afterwards? LOL)

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Get this....

My husband made me an entire Valentine's dinner by himself. (No, he is not a cook & normally never makes anything but cold cereal.) I was thrilled. He has never done anything like that before. Then, I saw what he had made. Steak & potatoes with pop to drink. HA!! I couldn't have any of it. But, it's the thought that counts - right? Oh yeah, he had strawberries with chocolae fondue for dessert. Do you think I should keep him?!?!

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Get this....

My husband made me an entire Valentine's dinner by himself. (No, he is not a cook & normally never makes anything but cold cereal.) I was thrilled. He has never done anything like that before. Then, I saw what he had made. Steak & potatoes with pop to drink. HA!! I couldn't have any of it. But, it's the thought that counts - right? Oh yeah, he had strawberries with chocolae fondue for dessert. Do you think I should keep him?!?!

You must have as thoughtful a man as I do. Mine is the kindest, most loving, generous, giving man. As for yours, KEEP HIM. He tried to honor you!!!!

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someone told me something once that really made sense to me - they said "when people say they are joking about something they are really simply trying to avoid being responsible for what they said". Like the time my Dad told me he didn't like me - later when I asked him to apologise he refused saying that he was just joking - joking or not, he said it, that has consequences. Hmmmm not sure if I made the point exactly the way I wanted too - hope you understand what I mean.

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