I came out of my little band closet

Ruthie · January 16, 2006

Ok, so NOBODY knows I had surgery. The only people that know are my husband and my mom. Not my best friends, not my sisters, nobody! I don't know I'm just weird about people knowing... one day I hope to be able to tell people about it but right now I'm just not. It's private for numerous reasons but the main ones being that I don't want people tracking my progress (thinking that I should be losing faster) or having people watch what I eat... so I've kept it private...

So we recently moved to a new state and I've made a new friend who is quite a bit overweigth and we were running errands together two weeks ago and all the sudden she just started crying. SHe just said that she was so discouraged about her weight and she just didn't know how she was going to get it under control. She said that she was so frustrated and she'd often though of having Gastric Bypass but knew she just couldn't have her organs cut up and rearranged.

Ok so I felt this huge struggle inside me... Like I wanted to help her and it broke my heart that she was so discouraged. I know exactly what she was feeling. But I just didn't know if I could let go of my secret. Once you tell somebody you can't take it back. Anyway so i sat there for five minutes just fighting with myself and finally I just said "I have to tell you something. And if you EVER tell anyone we can't be friends anymore" a bit dramatic I know but that's how stressed I felt about telling her! LOL

Anyway I ended up telling her everything... about my experience, about my surgery, pretty much about the whole process. She was just stunned. She borrowed my books and read non stop for two days and felt like this was the answer to her prayers. She had a consultation last week with her PCP and she has an appointment with a LapBand dr. next week.

When I saw her a couple of days ago she just gave me a big hug and told me she was so grateful that I had told her and that I could possibly be the answer that she was looking for. It made me really happy. It also made me wonder if I'm being selfish by keeping this to myself. Anyway I don't know... But I'm so glad if I was able to help somebody!!

Should I be sharing this with everyone??

January 16, 2006

I can relate to the way you feel as no one in my family except my mom and my husband know about my surgery either. Besides the 3 people from here who I have met in person. I haven't told my family for the same reason you have not, but sometimes I really hate when they want to know what I am doing and I just tell them Portion Control, eat between 1000 and 1200 calories and I try to get 70 grams of Protein in a day and exercise which is all true other than I have a band to help me. I want to tell them but I want to wait till I am way closer to goal. Not sure how I am going to explain it other than it was how I wanted to do it and hope they understand. My husbands has a really big nephew and I would love for him to do this but I figure he is really not serious about losing because he hasn't done any research and just doesn't seem to be gung ho on finding a way...if I seen that he was serious about wanting to do something I would probably tell him.

I think it is a very personal decision and if you want to telll then do if not then it is your choice. Either way we are glad to have you here at LBT.

stockymd · January 16, 2006

Maybe you were her angel....I think it's great!!!

Worthy of waiting and sharing your story for the right reasons. Good for you. I wish you both the best :clap2: :clap2:

Anwyn · January 16, 2006

That was a very generous, unselfish thing you did. You're a good friend! And won't it be nice having a banded friend to talk to? That said, don't feel obligated to tell everybody just because you told one person. Nothing wrong with taking it case by case.

Believe me, when I notice my MIL watching every bite I take, I sometimes regret my decision to tell all.

Iluvharleys · January 16, 2006

I am a closet banster too, and I did the same thing with my neighbor because she was considering the lapband. I just couldn't sit there and not tell her about it. The only reason I am a closet bandster is because I don't want everyone checking on what I am eating, how much I am losing etc all the time. Just remember that once you tell, you can't take it back.

sarabride2006 · January 16, 2006

I think what you did is great. Personally, I'm not a closet bandster. My coworkers knew about my operation and were very very supportive. We are all really close so they Celebrate the SV's and NSV's with me. I agree with the post above that you are her angel!!!

FunnyDuddies · January 16, 2006

I feel the same way as most...Take it on a case by case basis. What you did has me in tears, because it is the same way I found out about the band. It has just taken me a long time to get over the hump But the only people who know I have an appt are my mom and my husband. Both for moral and physical support. I would much rather have it just be my husband and no one else. My inlaws know I have thought about it because I asked my brother in law for information (he is a doctor). Blabbermouth LOL But I won't tell them until after I have had it done, or maybe let them figure it out for themselves.

Amy

one too many · January 16, 2006

You go girl..I often walk around the shops and want to rugby tackle somebody down and tell them that they need help and this is what has done it for me..However I can imagen how I would have fely if someone had done it to me.I even remember talking to the surgeon and hoping in my heart of heart he would say I wasn't fat enough for the banding.He didn't thank God .....I found out about this op by the same way your friend did.I had just had a baby...having a really down day and layed out my cards to a new friend that I had made and she told me about it.Thank God she did as I watched her for 12months excited for her and then I knew it was for me...well I have to say at the beginning I didn't tell anyone as I felt I didn't need there opinions to help my decide and now Iam proud,,,only problem all those I haven't told makes it harder to tell now ,new friend no problem as they judge for whom I am now.I9am pleased you told someone as you will recieve great rewards when they are loosing and be able to re-live your loses as well.

dylansmom · January 16, 2006

I agree with Anwyn. It's a very personal choice and there's no folly in making it a case by case decision. If you feel that you can help someone by possibly saving their lives with the LapBand info., then I say go for it.

When we can reach outside of our own turmoil within, and share a ray of hope and kindness with another human, that indeed shines about loves' pure light.

Dancer · January 16, 2006

I love this topic!

I have told two people at work, but only b/c I know that one person struggles greatly like I do with weight and the other loves me and I knew she would be my greatest cheerleader!

I have a banded friend (used to be a coworker) and that is how I got the courage to go forward with mine. My hubby knows, my friend knows and I am considering telling my parents.

I am struggling with that decision though b/c I know that they are not going to be happy...I know based on an earlier conversation/lecture I got from them on the subject. I know I should tell them b/c it is surgery, but I really don't want to.

Anyone else I am not going to tell. I have several girlfriends that are very thin and don't have to work at it so they have never understood why I am heavy. They love me and all, but can be very judgemental about others. I would rather just hear their praise of me as I loose weight than to tell them how I did it!

On one hand I want to shout it from the roof tops b/c I am so excited!!!! But I also don't want to hear all the opinions that come with it! LOL!

Sorry this is a novel, but pre op is tomorrow and I am beside myself excited! I just can't wait!