Still Didn't Tell Hubby

[NJGirl32 43]

Okay - I previously wrote that I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell my husband or not. So far I have not told ANYONE - only the woman I work with who recommended the doctor. Today I get a call and they can move my surgery to May 25th - which is SO much better then the end of June for me. I Have a lot going on work-wise the end of June and all of July.

So the date is changed to next month and I still haven't told my husband, daughters, or my best friend. Why am I so chicken? !! I know at the very least I should tell my husband. My daughters and best friend can wait until after the surgery. You know we were out to eat at a restuarant and we heard a rock band-awesome time. He told me I was the best looking woman in the room and that I am always the best looking woman in the room and he said I would say that even if I wsn't your husband. Now that was SO sweet.

I think my real issue is that I am a vrey independent person and extremely private -especially which such personal things. When I wentthrough my divorce (first marriage) I was very private as well and didn't tell my parents much at all. It's just who I am. But a lot of people on this board are right about how I should share something like this with my husband- I am just not there yet. Part of me still thinks I can do this on my own-really-but the other part says I should tell him ASAP. My best friend and I email everyday and I still haven't told her ( we have been BF for over 40 yrs.).

I am glad it's moved to May because I can get a jump start on looking good for summer-but I need to tell him! His birthday is coming up and I am planning a big party for him-maybe I will tell him after all that is over with -which would be May 1st! Why do I complicate things so much?!!

[MarcyLoo 12]

I'll tell you my story in hopes it helps (hugs)

I was TERRIFIED to tell my husband. We've known each other for more than 11 years, have been married almost 9, and he's never known me skinny (neither have I lol). He's always told me he LOVES my body just liek ti is. The one and only time we've veer really discussed my weight issue was him asking if I thought my weight might be making my back issues worse. Discussing my weight with him for whatever reason has just always terrified me. Even knowing he's ok with me being fat.

So, I decided that I really had to tell him. I had talked to women at work about WLS but that was it. My stomach was in knots but one night at bedtime I brought it up...asking him how he'd feel about me looking into weight loss surgery. Within about 20 seconds it felt so right. I knew he was the one person I SHOULD be talking to. He reassured me he's ok with my body as-is, understands the health benefits to losing weight, shared his concerns over surgical risks and the financial aspect, etc. He's become my biggest supprt in this journey. Next I told his mom, knowing we needed help with the kids the day of surgery. She also responded only with support and encouragement. Later on, I told my 7 yr old (he's very mature) but not my 6 or 3 yo's till a bit later and in simpler terms. I showed them diagrams that helped. The boys are great about it. My fmaily I opted to not tell just knowing they'd be judgemental...but the week before surgery I decided that my parents and brothers needed to know since it was major surgery. To my utter amazement that have been 210% supportive...encouraging, supporting, and not in the least bit judgemental. I'm not sure I could be doing this without everyone's help.

It is ok to not tell people, but I really would encourage you to talk to your husband. You'll need him. Even if you need to write him a letter.

[Jennifer Hathaway 12]

Congratulations! I had my surgery May 25 last year. I am at goal now. I love my band!

[NJGirl32 43]

It's good to hear that someone else was terrified o tell their husband! Thanks for sharing that : )

Thanks to all the people on this board I am realizing that this is something I need to tell him. I really wish I could have loss the weight on my own, but that's not happening and I am not getting any younger. I want to enjoy my midlife years being healthy and fit.

All of the success stories are so inspiring!! I can't imagine being a 100 lbs thinner by this time next year- I would be thrilled just to be 60 pounds thinner!

[bellarn09 1]

I was scared to tell basically everyone (other than my husband) I was worried about being judged. I didnt want to hear any negative comments. I spent almost a year researching and educating myself before my surgery (which was last friday). Within the last few weeks before my surgery I started telling close friends and close co workers. I was overwhelmed by the positive feedback I got. I am still in shock over this awesome support system my family and friends built without me even asking. There are even 2 woman at work that are now having the surgery after talking to me. I can agree with keeping it private, but you need to talk to your husband. He is your partner if life and you might just be surprised at how supportive he is. And you will need someone to be supportive. Good Luck!

[Bandme1 12]

I think you will feel like the weight of the world is off your shoulders once you tell him. Especially since he is telling you how beautiful you are. He will totally be there for you. As for telling your daughters, that can come later. My mom told me she was getting gastric bypass about a month before her surgery and I was so proud of her for being so brave and taking that step to get happy and healthy. I showed up the day after her surgery with flowers and some homemade chicken broth that is quite delicious if I do say so myself Much better than the canned stuff.

Anyways, I think you will be surprised by the reactions of your family. I know my mom was nervous to tell me but I was SO thrilled for her. Now, 7 years later, I am in the process of getting banded and I was just as nervous to tell her. She has been so supportive and has given me a book of recipes that helped her get through it all. It's kind of an odd thing for a mother and daughter to bond over, but oh well.

You should be proud that you have the guts to finally say "Enough of this! I want to be happy, healthy and lose this weight once and for all!" You are taking control of your own life. Own it! =) You go, girl!

[NJGirl32 43]

I love this site! You guys are awesome! Thanks for being there to vent and for all the reassurance...it really means more than you know!

[Rachel412 116]

I had wanted to tell as few people as possible so I started with just my best friend, then my husband (and yes, I was really nervous about telling him). Later I told my parents and brother. I had my band surgery last Tuesday and now it's a little frustrating that nobody knows- because I have so few people to tell about my experience in the past week I was so worried people would accuse me of taking the easy way out, but man, the last week has taught me there's NOTING easy about this and I deserve to be proud of what *I'M* doing!

So I totally understand your reluctance to tell him but you're not going to be able to hide it from him unless you live in separate houses. Tell him, the sooner the better, so he can help you

[AquarianCrab 8]

Rachel412 is right. You will definitely not be able to hide it from him, nor from anyone else who happens to stop over the first few days after surgery.

My husband was the only person that knew up until about a month before my surgery. I later asked him how he would have felt if I hadn't told him until that late date as well. He said he would have been livid if I hadn't trusted him to share it all from day one.

[JinTx 19]

I later asked him how he would have felt if I hadn't told him until that late date as well. He said he would have been livid if I hadn't trusted him to share it all from day one.

I was so nervous about telling my DH. When I did I was so relieved. My DH also said he would have been livid if I had not talked to him starting w/ day one. It did cross my mind to not tell him until a surgery date had been set. Still waiting on that date by the way. lol.

J