Support from Family

[sassy k's mommy 1]

I guess first and say that my name is Holly Boyd. I am 32 years old. I have a four year little girl Kaitlynn and I am have been married for ten years. I was banded on January 25, 2011. During my recovery he never once came and saw me at my parents house not even on my birthday.. I only leave about 15 minutes from my parents house./I am not receiving any support from my husband. He continues to downgrade me saying that i am not losing any weight anymore. I am soo freaking sick of this crap. I am soo pissed.. I really have no clue what to do.. I am only having about 800-1000 calories. I do want to fail. I have not been medically cleared by the doctor to do anything but walk.. He says I am lying..

[trish151 33]

Sorry to hear that. I have a very supportive husband. I can tell you that from a counselor point of view that sometimes the people closest to us get scared when we start making changes in our lives, especially if they know that it will ultimately impact them. Your husband could fear that he will lose you if you lose the weight. This will just have to be one of those times where you either sit down and talk to him about it and if he is unwilling then you will have to reject the rude and unwanted comments and carry on with what you need to do. It sucks having no support but maybe if you calm his fears that he will be more supportive. On the other hand, some people are just asses and there is nothing you can do but ignore them. Best of luck. You know you always have your on line crew to keep you going.

[rhya2k 31]

My fiance/bf od 8 yrs has had a somewhat difficult time too but I think they just get scared you will look sooo damn good you will leave them for someone better! It's stupid and childish, I know! I told him from the beginning its about my health and being able to be active with my girls who are 5 and 10. If he cant support you then maybe consider taking him to a support group for WLS, I went to one and they are great! Let him kow this does not happen over night its a challenge that will take awhile. Maybe he needs to get off his butt and do some reading and research on Lap-band and know that you did not do this to impress others, etc, you did it for you! You have support here and I know its not the same as him but if he cant support you in this then what will he support you in. Do not let him get you down, you worked hard to get where you are at right now! WLS is not a cure just a tool to help you. I was just banded almost 2 weeks ago and it is a life changing event, its not easy and he needs to respect that!

I guess first and say that my name is Holly Boyd. I am 32 years old. I have a four year little girl Kaitlynn and I am have been married for ten years. I was banded on January 25, 2011. During my recovery he never once came and saw me at my parents house not even on my birthday.. I only leave about 15 minutes from my parents house./I am not receiving any support from my husband. He continues to downgrade me saying that i am not losing any weight anymore. I am soo freaking sick of this crap. I am soo pissed.. I really have no clue what to do.. I am only having about 800-1000 calories. I do want to fail. I have not been medically cleared by the doctor to do anything but walk.. He says I am lying..

[AquarianCrab 8]

My husband says he supports me, but he went to only my first doc appt. and refuses to attend any of the support group meetings. He buys junk food that he knows I love, he won't help out around the house, spends all of his time home either on his recliner in front of the tv or playing his guitar, won't eat the stuff I cook (entirely too healthy for him), and came right out and told me I'd best not start running around when I get all hot looking. So I think others are right in that it scares them. Men can't live alone, and they won't leave you until they have another steady you-know-what lined up. Speaking of which, my husband is scared to death to touch me for fear he'll hurt me. We finally had a little action for the first time since my surgery last week (about 5 weeks after). So, yeah, I think he's scared.

[Mrs.Doxie 1]

I can't say that I can totally relate, but I do know that different people react in very different ways. My husband and I had a HUGE fight about whether or not to get the surgery several months beforehand.

I had already been down that road once before, but insurance would not cover it. At that time, I scheduled an appointment to have it done in Mexico, but chickened out before surgery date.

Fast forward 4 years...we had money left over in our Medical Spending Account that we would lose if we didn't use it by the end of the year and we over-allocated for the new year, so the money was there. I priced getting it done in Mexico and told my husband I wanted it done. I then had to listen to him tell me how "if I would just exercise more and eat less I wouldn't have a problem"...etc etc etc. I lost it with him and then did not mention it again.

About a month later, he commented that if I was gonna get this done, I needed to get started so I could get it done before the end of the year. I don't know why he had a change of heart, but I didn't hesitate to take him up on it. Fortunately, I found a surgeon here in the states that would do it for the same price and was able to move quickly and I was banded on 12/16.

Since then, he has been perfect. I think he just needed time to wrap his brain around it. He hasn't pushed one way or the other and comments about how I am "a cheap dinner date". I think he has been frustrated that I don't get excited about going out to eat anymore (too much to think about), but he has become more affectionate than he has been in years.

[happygirl65 5]

It is very likely a fear of change. It's pretty normal for spouses to be afraid that you will change so much that you wont be the same person anymore and there is a certain safety in feeling that while you are heavy they dont have to worry about someone else "wanting" you. It is sad but it is the truth. I can't honestly say if it were my hubby losing the weight that I wouldn't have the same fears, but it is the communication that makes all the difference. My husband still can't stop buying chips and other snack stuff. I just have to be strong enough to say too bad....I just don't eat that stuff...period. We still serve a stuffing, or rice, or potatoes or Pasta at meals and I just don't eat those. It was harder at first and still is hard to say no to potatoes but I am committed to my goal regardless of what foods I am exposed to.

I was banded on the same day as you and trust me when I tell you, coming off the liquids and going into the solids your loss slows down but it is still losing even if he can't see it. It took losing nearly 40 pounds to get my husband to see a difference. He is insecure about himself and scared but we keep talking and I hope it will get better. Until then I know I CAN COUNT ON ME, and in the end that is all that matters, even if it makes it harder. I am not going to let anything be an excuse why it's ok for me to fail. I can't and wont.

[sassy k's mommy 1]

I am glad that I am not the only one that is in this position.